Hecklerspray is busy sharpening knives today, after it was revealed that stuttering Pop Idol loser Gareth Gates is planning a comeback.

General consensus concluded that he would never make another note of music ever again, after his appallingly received double album Go Your Own Way in 2003.

What such a youngster is doing making a double album, we don't know, although the song titles were eeriely prophetic. Foolish, Say It Isn't So, Too Soon To Say Goodbye, Enough Of Me. Clearly, he knew he was for the dustbin.

It's fair to say McDonalds is in trouble. Last year alone, it's profits in Britain dropped by almost 75%, probably helped by the release of Super Size Me, telling the story of an odd man who liked to scare doctors by eating McDonalds all the time.

And Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation - a book even more terrifying than seeing Pat Butcher naked - has been quietly rocking the "have you read that?" circuit for years.

The burger chain has since been responding in increasing desperate ways ever since. And how does hecklerspray feel about this? Well, needless to say - we're lovin' it.

Anyone with any degree of respect or appreciation of the Man In Black and his catalogue of work may want to look away now ... and never look back.

Ring Of Fire, a Broadway-bound musical that 'will include around 40 Cash tunes' is now officially at the casting stage.

That's right. No-one has stopped it. Not one person stepped in and said 'Hold on a second. Wouldn't a musical - the lowest form of art on the planet, no less - about Cash be ever so slightly tacky and detrimental to both the man and the myth alike?'

Oh, no. Sorry, folks ... looks like Mr Sanity skipped a meeting.

Okay, okay, so that headline was a dirty trick - a sneaky little attention-grabber to draw you in. hecklerspray just thought that it was such a beautiful image, maybe the world would be a better place if it was briefly thrown out there ...

What has actually happened is that over-rated bilgemeister M. Night Shyamalan - he who directed cinematic non-events such as Unbreakable, The Village and the truly abysmal Signs - has quit his movie-making deal with Disney after the intervention of that time-honoured standby clause: 'creative differences'.

Honking sack of nothing Russell Crowe likes to follow his own path in life. Sadly, that is the path marked "Pissing Off Every Single Person You've Ever Met Avenue".

A quick rundown on his background shows fights with award ceremony producers, fights in bars, fights with minders and - hecklerspray's favourite - a fight in a restaurant in 2002 that was so ferocious it took Grant Mitchell to break it up.

Basically, he'd fight a hatstand if it looked at him funny.

But lately, it seems that he's become aware that this foolishness is putting a big dent in his karma. That's why he's trying to turn his life around, by doing only good things to help the good people of Earth.

And nothing will help us more than the reported news this week that his dreadful band are splitting up.

A quick quiz. Name three movie sequels that were better than the original. Quickly. Now, we're guessing your answers included The Godfather: Part II , Aliens and The Empire Strikes Back. Right? Because they are the only good sequels ever. Sequels are rubbish. Hecklerspray would like to knife it's eyes out rather than watch another cakky sequel. Honestly.

Hard-working singer songwriter Kylie Minogue is due to board an airplane this weekend to kick off her Greatest Hits tour.

Lady rapper Lil’ Kim and her assistant Monique Dopwel, have both been convicted of perjury and conspiracy; for lying about an incident outside Hot ’97, which erupted in gun fire between The Junior Mafia crew and Capone-N-Noreaga back in 2001.