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Angelina Jolie Adoption Betting Odds: Wales Next?

by Stuart Heritage

Over the last couple of weeks, all that we’ve been hearing about has been Angelina Jolie’s latest jaunt around the world to adopt little Pax Thien from Vietnam – and now the question on everyone’s lips is: just where will Angelina Jolie adopt from next?

Nobody knows for sure, but we can have a bloody good guess – that’s why this week is going to be dedicated to Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds. Every day this week we’ll looking at two different countries and wondering aloud if Angelina Jolie has ever fancied adopting a kid from there, giving it a foolish name and raising it as her own. And the best thing is these betting odds are massive, so even a tiny bet could make you a fat stack of cash – and what’s better than winning money from filmstars doing good around the world? Probably loads of stuff, but since we can’t think of any it’ll have to do.

Here’s today’s batch of Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds – for Wales and the UK – with betting odds from Paddy Power…

Over the last couple of weeks, all that we've been hearing about has been Angelina Jolie's latest jaunt around the world to adopt little Pax Thien from Vietnam - and now the question on everyone's lips is: just where will Angelina Jolie adopt from next? Nobody knows for sure, but we can have a bloody good guess - that's why this week is going to be dedicated to Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds. Every day this week we'll looking at two different countries and wondering aloud if Angelina Jolie has ever fancied adopting a kid from there, giving it a foolish name and raising it as her own. And the best thing is these betting odds are massive, so even a tiny bet could make you a fat stack of cash - and what's better than winning money from filmstars doing good around the world? Probably loads of stuff, but since we can't think of any it'll have to do. Here's today's batch of Angelina Jolie adoption betting odds - for Wales and the UK - with betting odds from Paddy Power...
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Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet Make Another Flick

by Stuart Heritage

Yes yes, we know what you’re thinking – the only way you’d go and see a film starring reunited Titanic leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet is if you had the assurance that they both drowned in the iceberg-filled Atlantic at the end of it this time.

Well, there’s no such luck there. True, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are making their first film together since Titanic – the movie that propelled them both to fame – a decade ago, but there’ll be no icebergs, Irish jigs or Billy Zane being comically unable to fire a gun properly at short range this time, because the film that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reuniting to star in is Revolutionary Road, a depressing-sounding film about postwar disillusionment. But don’t worry that Revolutionary Road will be too different from Titanic, because Kate Winslet will still probably get her boobies out – we hear she won’t make a film unless a nippleflash is inserted somewhere in it.

Yes yes, we know what you're thinking - the only way you'd go and see a film starring reunited Titanic leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet is if you had the assurance that they both drowned in the iceberg-filled Atlantic at the end of it this time. Well, there's no such luck there. True, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are making their first film together since Titanic - the movie that propelled them both to fame - a decade ago, but there'll be no icebergs, Irish jigs or Billy Zane being comically unable to fire a gun properly at short range this time, because the film that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are reuniting to star in is Revolutionary Road, a depressing-sounding film about postwar disillusionment. But don't worry that Revolutionary Road will be too different from Titanic, because Kate Winslet will still probably get her boobies out - we hear she won't make a film unless a nippleflash is inserted somewhere in it.
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Tom Cruise Is Hitler, Or Wants To Kill Hitler, Or Something

by Stuart Heritage

There’s a saying that says ‘a day without Tom Cruise doing something stupid is like a day without sunshine’ and if that’s true then we’ve been in the middle of a solar eclipse since Tom Cruise’s wedding – but it looks like the sun’s coming out again.

Eager to get his public image back on track so he can start being seen as Tom Cruise: Filmstar again instead of Tom Cruise: Deranged Whackjob Religious Cult Midget, Tom Cruise has been carefully handpicking a bunch of carefully-crafted movies that will return him to his spot as a Hollywood megastar. And the latest of these is a film about Hitler and the Nazis directed by the Superman Returns bloke. That’s Hitler and the Nazis the WWII baddies we’re talking about, not Hitler And The Nazis the ill-advised and quickly-cancelled Austrian Saturday morning educational puppet show. Obviously.

There's a saying that says 'a day without Tom Cruise doing something stupid is like a day without sunshine' and if that's true then we've been in the middle of a solar eclipse since Tom Cruise's wedding - but it looks like the sun's coming out again. Eager to get his public image back on track so he can start being seen as Tom Cruise: Filmstar again instead of Tom Cruise: Deranged Whackjob Religious Cult Midget, Tom Cruise has been carefully handpicking a bunch of carefully-crafted movies that will return him to his spot as a Hollywood megastar. And the latest of these is a film about Hitler and the Nazis directed by the Superman Returns bloke. That's Hitler and the Nazis the WWII baddies we're talking about, not Hitler And The Nazis the ill-advised and quickly-cancelled Austrian Saturday morning educational puppet show. Obviously.
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McCartney Gets McCaffeinated

by Shawn Lindseth

Starbucks just effed us over big time. We were this close to signing Sir Paul McCartney to our awesomely themed-record company – this close we tell you! But apparently the former Beatle doesn't think he belongs on a publicity-hungry label that forces its artists to get mild heart attacks medically induced in the CNN lobby [...]

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Phil Spector Murder Trial: Jurors Quizzed, Not About Haircuts

by Stuart Heritage

In 98% of court cases the jury selection process is nothing more than a tedious piece of administration to be swiftly dealt with, but that’s because 98% of the accused don’t turn up to court with a lesbian’s haircut, like Phil Spector has done lately.

That’s right – out has gone Phil Spector’s gigantic white man’s afro and confused cornrows, and in has come a pretty blonde bob cut that Phil Spector appears to have modelled on recent pictures of Anne Widdecombe. Now the world waits on the answer to one single question with baited breath – what mental haircut will Phil Spector turn up to court in next? Devilhorns? A Beehive? Dreadlocks? A Pompadour? A natty Russian Khokhol? We literally can’t wait to find out. Oh, and we’d quite like to know if Phil Spector shot that woman in the face too, but not as much.

In 98% of court cases the jury selection process is nothing more than a tedious piece of administration to be swiftly dealt with, but that's because 98% of the accused don't turn up to court with a lesbian's haircut, like Phil Spector has done lately. That's right - out has gone Phil Spector's gigantic white man's afro and confused cornrows, and in has come a pretty blonde bob cut that Phil Spector appears to have modelled on recent pictures of Anne Widdecombe. Now the world waits on the answer to one single question with baited breath - what mental haircut will Phil Spector turn up to court in next? Devilhorns? A Beehive? Dreadlocks? A Pompadour? A natty Russian Khokhol? We literally can't wait to find out. Oh, and we'd quite like to know if Phil Spector shot that woman in the face too, but not as much.
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The Apprentice: This Year’s Hateful Line-Up In Full

by Stuart Heritage

The Apprentice is back soon, so fans of hedgehog-faced men shouting unusual swearwords at a group of self-regarding ladder-climbers before dismissing one of them in a completely arbitrary way have got something to live for again.

This year The Apprentice makes the leap from BBC2 to BBC1, meaning that even more of the population will be watching Alan Sugar somehow trick a group of successful businesspeople into looking like nitwits because they can’t sell sweets to children properly. And because of the new channel, The Apprentice needed to recruit the highest calibre of contestant available – so this year hopefuls to become The Apprentice include a quantum physicist, a soldier, a financial adviser and… oh, you know what? They’re all going to be hateful, needlessly ambitious pricks who’d stab their own mother in the eye with a dirty syringe for a fiver, so let’s just leave it at that for now.

The Apprentice is back soon, so fans of hedgehog-faced men shouting unusual swearwords at a group of self-regarding ladder-climbers before dismissing one of them in a completely arbitrary way have got something to live for again. This year The Apprentice makes the leap from BBC2 to BBC1, meaning that even more of the population will be watching Alan Sugar somehow trick a group of successful businesspeople into looking like nitwits because they can't sell sweets to children properly. And because of the new channel, The Apprentice needed to recruit the highest calibre of contestant available - so this year hopefuls to become The Apprentice include a quantum physicist, a soldier, a financial adviser and... oh, you know what? They're all going to be hateful, needlessly ambitious pricks who'd stab their own mother in the eye with a dirty syringe for a fiver, so let's just leave it at that for now.
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YouTube Awards On Their Way

by C J Davies

Video-sharing website YouTube – officially the best place to see stuff online until a big company bought it, took down anything decent and made us all go to Peekvid instead – is to launch its very own awards ceremony.

The public (never the most discerning of judges, it has to be said) will be allowed to vote for their favourite video in a number of categories, including ‘most creative’, ‘most inspirational’, ‘best series’, ‘best comedy’, ‘musician of the year’, ‘best commentary’ and – whatever the bloody hell this may mean – ‘most adorable video ever’.

hecklerspray is guessing that this is going to a yearly shebang, although the ‘ever’ tag attached to ‘most adorable video’ does give it a slight sheen of finality … as though anyone who disagrees that a kitten in a flowerpot is not the cutey-wutest thing they’ve ever seen will be eligible for execution.

Video-sharing website YouTube - officially the best place to see stuff online until a big company bought it, took down anything decent and made us all go to Peekvid instead - is to launch its very own awards ceremony. The public (never the most discerning of judges, it has to be said) will be allowed to vote for their favourite video in a number of categories, including 'most creative', 'most inspirational', 'best series', 'best comedy', 'musician of the year', 'best commentary' and - whatever the bloody hell this may mean - 'most adorable video ever'. hecklerspray is guessing that this is going to a yearly shebang, although the 'ever' tag attached to 'most adorable video' does give it a slight sheen of finality ... as though anyone who disagrees that a kitten in a flowerpot is not the cutey-wutest thing they've ever seen will be eligible for execution.
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Cate Blanchett To Star In Wrinkly Old Indiana Jones 4?

by Stuart Heritage

Cate Blanchett is one of the world’s finest actresses, an Oscar-winning thespian who can flit between old Hollywood glamour and earthy realism in the blink of an eye – which makes her an ideal candidate to scream at foreigners a lot in Indiana Jones 4.

It’s been reported that Cate Blanchett is in negotiations to star in the long-awaited fourth Indiana Jones movie alongside 64-year-old Harrison Ford, but the casting of Cate Blanchett raises some important questions about her role in the movie. Our crack team of Indiana Jones analysts have been hard on the case and discovered three distinct possibilities. 1) Cate Blanchett will play Indiana Jones’ entirely age-inappropriate love interest. 2) Cate Blanchett will play Indiana Jones’ daughter. 3) Cate Blanchett will play the nice lady that comes round Indiana Jones’ house during Countdown to empty his bedpan and wipe his bottom.

Cate Blanchett is one of the world's finest actresses, an Oscar-winning thespian who can flit between old Hollywood glamour and earthy realism in the blink of an eye - which makes her an ideal candidate to scream at foreigners a lot in Indiana Jones 4. It's been reported that Cate Blanchett is in negotiations to star in the long-awaited fourth Indiana Jones movie alongside 64-year-old Harrison Ford, but the casting of Cate Blanchett raises some important questions about her role in the movie. Our crack team of Indiana Jones analysts have been hard on the case and discovered three distinct possibilities. 1) Cate Blanchett will play Indiana Jones' entirely age-inappropriate love interest. 2) Cate Blanchett will play Indiana Jones' daughter. 3) Cate Blanchett will play the nice lady that comes round Indiana Jones' house during Countdown to empty his bedpan and wipe his bottom.
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Awesome Or Off-Putting: The Bell Witch

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable. This week: Ghosts/The Unexplainable In Tennessee from 1817 – 1821, there was a family named Bell who experienced paranormal activity like few [...]

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Phil Spector Murder Trial: Afro-Loving Jury Being Picked

by Stuart Heritage

When Phil Spector dies, chances are that people will remember him for his barmy haircut most of all – that is unless Phil Spector is found guilty of shooting an actress in the face and gets sentenced to life in jail, in which case it’ll probably be that.

And soon enough we’ll discover if Phil Spector murdered actress Lana Clarkson by firing a gun into her mouth, because the long-awaited Phil Spector murder trial is about to get underway. Well, we mean the Phil Spector murder trial will get underway after a jury has been picked and everyone takes a month off and then all the jurors are individually interviewed after the break. So the Phil Spector murder trial won’t actually start for another six weeks. But, hey, jury selection is kind of exciting. Right?

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