It’s a fact that the only films being made in Hollywood at the moment are all either going to star Leonardo DiCaprio, be directed by Martin Scorsese or star Leonardo DiCaprio and be directed by Martin Scorsese, just like The Wolf Of Wall Street.

The Wolf Of Wall Street is a new movie based on an unpublished book about a wolf in Wall Street who goes to prison for carrying a dead sheep into the New York Stock Exchange in his teeth. That’s what we presume, anyway – the book hasn’t been published yet. Anyway, The Wolf Of Wall Street is probably going to be directed by Martin Scorsese and star Leonardo DiCaprio. While it would be foolhardy to try and second-guess what Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio will bring to The Wolf Of Wall Street, on previous Scorsese/DiCaprio experience we think that it’ll feature either dirty police work, a rich man flying a plane or Cameron Diaz being unconvincing to a man in top hat with a funny moustache.

As far as we were concerned, nobody would go and watch TMNT – the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie – because only an idiot would watch a film about some computer-generated tortoises that nobody has even thought about for two decades.

But look how wrong we were – TMNT is the number one movie at the US weekend box office. The success of TMNT means we can assume that there are either $25 million’s worth of nostalgia-fuelled morons in America who can’t quite remember that the original series of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was basically a cheap-looking calling card for some toys; or that all the TMNT box office tickets were bought by Vanilla Ice, who figured that if TMNT did enough box office business he could start punting around for the same sort of confusing extended cameo in the TMNT sequel as he had in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze.

What with all this talk about Paul McCartney signing to the new Starbucks record label, it’s easy to forget what Starbucks is all about – in short, selling ridiculously-named caffeine drinks to smug idiots – but Starbucking works as a handy reminder.

Starbucking is a new indie documentary movie coming out in selected American cinemas very soon with a simple premise. Starbucking follows John Winter Smith – a man determined to visit every branch of Starbucks in the world. Considering there are now literally more branches of Starbucks than there are actual human beings on Earth, John Winter Smith seems to have his work cut out. We’ve yet to see the full version of Starbucking, but Starbucking seems to be a movie about globalisation, a movie about one individual’s obsessive compulsive desire to make a mark on the world and – most of all – a movie about a man buzzed off his tits on coffee jittering around going “yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi” while queueing up in a succession of Starbucks branches. See the madness for yourselves.