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Who Cheated On Gwyneth Paltrow?

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine being Gwyneth Paltrow. Awful isn’t it? All that self-serving hippie-dippy nonsense floating around your head telling you how wonderfully wonderful you are. All the while, Chris Martin gazes at you lovingly like a kindly priest longing after a crumpet. BLECCH. Never mind that though because we’re interested in pain! Paltrow’s pain specifically! So join us [...]

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Super Bowl 2012: Top Ten Big Game Commercials

by Mof Gimmers

You may think the Super Bowl is all about a sporting event, but you’re wrong. It’s all about television and, specifically, the adverts that litter the game. American Football is the perfect sport for the advertising exec.

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Aaron And Nick Carter, Now Very Much Crying With Awful Grief

by Mof Gimmers

And now, some news that should leave you feeling utterly confused and unsure of how to feel. Basically, this will either sadden you or make you wonder whether you should give the slightest shit about it all. And it involves Nick and Aaron Carter.

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Nicki Minaj Sees ‘Stupid Hoe’ Banned For Being Deeply, Intensely Irritating

by Mof Gimmers

Nicki Minaj is a woman on a mission. Her mission is to become the most gifted, yet irritatingly wasteful popstar who ever lived. Her guest-raps have been a thing of wonderful, but when it comes to her own back-catalogue, she’s determined to make the most annoying pop music ever made. Seriously. She’s taken Daphne & [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Boozing And Isn’t Having Sex In Petrol Stations

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan used to be loads of fun. She was always in trouble or having sex with someone. She had set the controls for the heart of self-destruct and we all had ringside seats for an early death. And then she went and spoiled it all by looking after herself. Git. And now, after getting [...]

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Super Bowl 2012: Top 10 Super Bowl Moments

by hecklerspray staff

Ah the Super Bowl, the pinnacle of sporting exuberance and over celebration. And as it’s Super Bowl (or Superb Owl if you prefer), we’ll be running a series of specials to whet your whistles. In the words of Stanley Ralph Ross, so immortalised by Jim McKay “The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat”.  The [...]

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Eamonn Holmes’ Prostitution Predicament

by Kris Silver

Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob. Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn’t spewing verbal sewage it’s being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies. Well, let’s hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after [...]

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Diary Of The Fearless Truth Seekers: The Month In Tabloids – My Divorcey Worsy

by Si Sharp

The big Christmas celeb-story was the Katy Perry/Russell Brand divorce announcement. For tabloids it had everything- she’s a lipstick lesbian and his addictive personality means that there has to be something either up his nose or on his dick at all times. It’s been the latter for years now which has made him the thinking woman’s [...]

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Julian Assange To Appear In The Simpsons, Despite All That Sex Crime Business

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! You know Julian Assange? What do you mean you don’t know who he is? He’s the man who leaks things. Allegedly, he leaks things all over people against their will (which he denies, natch). He also likes leaking documents which really gets up the nose of the world’s governments. Sounds like a thrilling bloke, [...]

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Americans Are Stupid Enough To Like Keira Knightley

by Mof Gimmers

Have you seen Domino? It’s just about the worst film ever made. That includes the ill-advised Garbage Pail Kids movie which some idiot wasted his money on making. And the reason that Domino is so bad lays entirely at the feet of the godawful Keira Knightley – an English accent designed to occupy a thong. [...]

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