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Lana Del Rey Cancels Tour After Everyone Finds Out She Can’t Sing

by Mof Gimmers

Lana Del Rey has had her whole adult life and creative outlets bankrolled by her insanely wealthy father and, at various points nearly gave it all up because she had to actually work a little to get anywhere. However, thickos on the internet came to the rescue and made her an overnight sensation!

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Kim Kardashian To Finally Get Her Comeuppance Via The Magic Of TV

by Robin Darke

Well all know that Kim Kardashian is the very pinnacle of media whoredom, leapfrogging other visionaries as Paris Hilton, Tulisa Contostavlos and the rest of the Kardashian sisters, to the crown of Most Annoying Slag 2012. And we all know why, because she wants to show everything that happens through the medium of television, even though her television shows are so tucked and trimmed that if they were pies, they would be the most disgusting tasting pies ever. Though they would look great.

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Karl Lagerfeld Kinda Has A Point When He Says Adele Is A Bit Fat

by Lady Robotnik

Karl Lagerfeld has the feminists and fat chicks bunching their panties in disgust over his latest outburst.

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The Amazing Spider Man Teaser Shows Parker Getting Bullied Like A Wimp

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Comic nerds! Fancy picking holes in something? Then step right up, because we’ve got the newest teaser of the new web-slinging flick, The Amazing Spider-Man, which has been trailed at special preview events around the world. The latest incarnation of Spiderman (it’s pronounced like a surname, etc) is played by Andrew Garfield, and we get [...]

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Madonna To Take Her Sinewy Limbs On A Monstrous World Tour

by Mof Gimmers

Okay. Credit where credit is due: Madonna’s halftime show at the Super Bowl was pretty brilliant. That’s even taking into account that LMFAO showed up and the always disappointing MIA flipped the bird in an attempt to show her terrible hipster fans that she hadn’t ‘sold out’.

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Tips On How To Survive The Denise Welch Menace

by Robin Darke

Denise Welch officially splits from Tim Healy, not that anyone cares anymore. Remember at the end of Jurassic Park where all of the dinosaurs were left to their own devices and untouched by human hands again? And when King Kong was shot fell to his death from the Empire State building? And when Ethel Skinner was put down by Dot Cotton, ending her reign of sexual terror? Well, these are examples of when it’s acceptable to lock up/euthanise sexual threats because they pose a threat to greater society.

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Alan Moore Is Writing More League of Extraordinary Gentlemen But Still Hates DC Comics

by Robin Darke

Everyone just take a deep breath for a minute. We understand that you all feel hurt and that something like this could have happened; we know, we know, it means a lot to all of us. None of us wanted this to happen, but different people have different opinions of things. It’s not the end [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Slapping! Court Cases! The R Word!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello soap fans, have a good weekend? Did you all wake up covered in vomit and shame this morning? Excellent news, you’re all disgusting and that’s why we tolerate you. Last week was exciting in Soapland wasn’t it? All that stuff happened and then that other stuff happened too! Yeah we didn’t watch any of [...]

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Russell Brand And Zooey Deschanel To Become Most Irritating Couple Ever, While Katy Perry Snags Tebow

by Mof Gimmers

Even though Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s marriage was something of a surprise, one good thing about it was that their idiocy was self-contained. They could spend time together being irritating toward each other, occasionally giving us plebians a rest. However, they went and spoiled it all.

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Daniel Radcliffe Metaphorically Beaten With Sticks To Represent Very Real Rejection

by Randy Figgins

The world used to love Daniel Radcliffe.  For he was Harry Potter. From when he was just a sperm to when he sprouted his first pube Radcliffe made a spectacular living from swanning about shouting dodgy Latin while pointing a twig at things.  And we gobbled it up like the suckers we are. But no more! [...]

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