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Music News

Greatest Guitarists Of All Time Chosen From Usual List Of Greatest Guitarists Of All Time (We Show Those Overlooked)

by Mof Gimmers

Guitarists are all idiots. Every single one of them. They’re the ones who think they’re the heart of a band, resentful that the singer gets all the sex, the bassist gets all the cool fans and envious of the drummer because… okay, they’re not jealous of drummers at all. Of course, as writers are prone [...]

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Kanye Plagiarised Nietzsche, Not Some Bozo Rapper We’ve Never Heard Of, Right?

by Mof Gimmers

Every artist on the planet is a shameless thief. They’re all magpies, walking around and taking whatever they want without a care in the world. And that’s fine, because that’s always been the case and everyone loves music, film or whatever. However, what no-one likes is a pointless snitch. Someone who yells ‘HEY! I had [...]

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Mariah Yeater Wants Justin Bieber To Take Another DNA Test Just To See If He Has Any

by Mof Gimmers

You know the woman who said Justin Bieber rode her for 30 seconds backstage at one of his gigs, and as a result, popped out a small baby? Well, Mariah Yeater is at it again, asking for more of Justin’s DNA. Presumably, the first DNA test came back with a report noting that Bieber was [...]

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Is George Michael Going To Die Of Pneumonia Or What?

by Mof Gimmers

George Michael must’ve been running around the heath without his vest on because he’s gone and got himself a nice dose of pneumonia, which means that Hev from Eastenders won’t be able to go to his gigs because he went and cancelled them. Y’know, because of the pneumonia? George was hospitalised on Monday in Austria, [...]

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Janet Jackson Designs Fur Range, Which Will No Doubt Make The Ghost Of Michael Cry

by Mof Gimmers

Do you know how they make mink coats? They get a mink and shout obscenities at it – IN MINK LANGUAGE – until it cries. Then, they make then stand on their hindly mink legs until they break before men come in and kick the skin off them. Then, worst of all, the skinless, frightened [...]

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Gary Barlow Thinks Modern Pop Videos Are Too Sexual (Take That Would Never Do Such A Thing!)

by Mof Gimmers

Gary Barlow has always shared a certain stuffiness of his namesake, Ken Barlow. He was always something of a curmudgeon in the world of the boy band, and as he gets older, he’s showing no signs of changing. Grumping into view, Barlow has criticised modern pop videos, saying that they’re just too rude. You wouldn’t [...]

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Black Eyed Peas Splitting Up After Completing Mission To Ruin Music Forever

by Mof Gimmers

Have you noticed a trend in pop that sees artists sampling any old shit, rather than sourcing something that works right for a song? Eminem sampled Haddaway, Derulo used ‘Day-Oh (The Banana Boat Song)’ and Cher Lloyd unironically sang the tune from ‘Oh My Darling, Clementine’. Who is to blame for this? The Black Eyed [...]

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Roots Play Song For Michele Bachmann Which Isn’t Exactly Complimentary, But Very, Very Funny

by Mof Gimmers

People who believe in politics are idiots. Or, if you prefer, ‘politicians’. Every single person in politics deserves to be treated with absolute contempt, regardless of what side of the fence they sit on. And Michele Bachmann is no exception. This is something The Roots felt when they struck up the band on Late Night [...]

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Courtney Love In Bizarre Nirvana Rant And Massive Homophobia, Which Is Splendid

by Mof Gimmers

Courtney Love’s mother-in-law doesn’t have a front door. She has black mold. Her sister-in-law is homeless. Meanwhile, Dave Grohl bought an Aston Martin last week. It’s an awful state of affairs isn’t it? Of course, some of you may be wondering where this has come from. Well, these ‘facts’ have come from the oddly shaped [...]

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Katy Perry Isn’t Pregnant Because She’s Not Actually Sexually Attracted To Russell Brand

by Mof Gimmers

When celebrities get married, everyone turns into meddling grandmas, demanding offspring because our lives are so hopelessly empty that we need that brief moment of alleviating joy, lived vicariously through someone else. Christ knows no-one wants to actually have sex with us, let alone have our children, right? And the latest couple getting their groins [...]

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