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Music News

Hanson Develop Their Own Beer For No Good Reason At All

by Mof Gimmers

You know what market hasn’t been tapped? A market that really has been crying out for someone to fill? The ironically loved 90s one-hit wonder alcohol market! So thank the stars that Hanson are here and flogging a beer they’ve developed! That’s right, music brothers Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson are in the process of [...]

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Muse Split Rumours Were Just An Unfortunate Hoax

by Matthew Laidlow

At the heckerspray bedsit, there isn’t really a lot to look forward to. Life is, for the most part, despairingly grim. We can’t afford to eat. We can’t afford to go on strike. We can’t even manage the payments on our glue habit. It’s awful. All we have is our dreams. Dreams are free… and [...]

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Jessie J Loses Her Rag About Twitter Users… On Twitter

by Robin Darke

Jessie J has torn a strip or two off all those people who dared to question the quality on prime time TV’s second favourite show, The X Factor. On which she was awful. Not even a tiny bit awful like this week’s reject, Janet Devlin. It was worse than if Whitney Houston’s coked almost of [...]

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Black Eyed Peas Have Now Sampled Every Song Ever Written

by Michael Park

The Black Eyed Peas announcement of their hiatus was one of the most beautiful sounds ever to hit the human ear. Scientists have recently revealed that the announcement overtook such sounds as Verdi’s La Traviata and Margaret Thatcher’s resignation speech as one of the most delightful sounds ever uttered. That was until they decided they [...]

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Kelly Rowland Loves A Good Ol’ Sex Shop

by Matthew Laidlow

Who doesn’t love the X-Factor? Oh that’s right, people who listen to supposed “real” music. They’re the types who’ll only listen to music made by those who play their own instruments, write songs without the word “love” being mentioned and only release fifty copies of their album on limited edition cassette tapes. For everyone else, [...]

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Justin Bieber Just Doesn’t Understand The World

by Kris Silver

Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving. Fresh from “definitely” fathering a love child in a sweaty 30-second romp with a woman whose testimony is as reliable as that of Dr. Conrad Murray, Bieber has decided to, once again, showcase how empty the space between his [...]

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Jarvis Cocker Says The Media Killed Amy Winehouse

by Mof Gimmers

When Amy Winehouse died, everyone was pretty saddened by the news. A young woman, not yet in her thirties, lost and still with a lot more to give. Shame. Of course, it was a fertile period for making lazy jokes about it on twitter, but the less said about that, the better. Anyway, Pulp honcho [...]

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Jump To Conclusions As Rapper T.I. Says Some Gays Aren’t Real Americans

by Mof Gimmers

Hey gays! How are you? Sat their being all gay, poking at stuff with your gay hands? Good. Don’t think that we’re using your gaydom as some kind of comedic device. We’re not. We’re just saying you’re gay. Okay? We write that disclaimer because some people can be a little jumpy when they’re mentioned. It [...]

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Miley Cyrus Is A Great Big Dirty Stoner

by Joanna Bolouri

Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus,  recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles. Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the [...]

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Una From The Saturdays Doesn’t Mind You Touching Her Up

by Matthew Laidlow

Celebrities, famous people and royalty – they’ve all got a lot in common over you haven’t they? Whilst they live in lavish accommodation and have a team of people to cater for their every need, you’re lucky if you receive post that isn’t from a debt collection agency or from a takeaway. While wealth is [...]

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