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Music News

Why Not Take The Kids To See Michael Jackson’s Death House?

by Mof Gimmers

So, you and your stupid family are thinking about having a nice day out together. You don’t want to. You’d rather sit in and watch TV. However, some nagging guilt tells you there’s a world outside, so you make the gesture to others in a bid to make you look like you give a hoot [...]

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Benton/Fenton Backed By Fearne Cotton For Christmas No.1 (Mass Suicides Planned)

by Mof Gimmers

That dog. Haha! It nearly killed a load of deer and everyone laughed. The man. The man he chased the dog. He shouted Benton! Wait. It transpired it was called Fenton. Some people said “See, I always knew it was Fenton” in the world’s crappiest ‘toldyaso‘. Then the man said ‘Jesus Christ!’ and every single [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Stops Asking Twitter For Sex Just Long Enough To Get Married In Vegas

by Mof Gimmers

Sinead O’Connor is a brilliantly mental person to have about the place isn’t she? Rallying against The Pope, becoming a priest, being a Rastafarian and, most lately, asking people on Twitter to come ’round her house and bum her. Seriously. Did you miss all that? Good ol’ Sinead was demanding a parade of young studs [...]

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Axl Rose Is Totally Going To Spoil It For Everyone At Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Thingummy

by Mof Gimmers

That Axl Rose is a nice, reasonable, not completely batpiss mental fella isn’t he? No, you might think that all the business with bullying the behatted Slash was all a bit much, but really, wouldn’t you pick on a berk from Stoke who looked like that? Course you would. Naturally, what with Axl being absolutely [...]

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Adele In Cancelled American Tour Rider Shocker!

by Matthew Laidlow

You might not enjoy the music of Adele, but when award season rolls round, she won’t have enough room in her bathroom to show them all off. With six Grammy nominations and probable Brit nods, she’s likely to sweep the board. You can’t escape Adele’s music due to her success, and so, an extensive tour [...]

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Underworld Set To Make The 2012 Olympics A Little More Exciting

by Matthew Laidlow

Yay! The Olympics! Brilliant! Who wouldn’t want to watch athletes competing in events for an oversized piece of bling? But hey, it’s great for the nation right? Whole decayed areas have been wiped out to make way for wondrous architecture that’ll sit dormant for years to come. Excellent, that’s just the thing that our stupid [...]

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Chris Brown Gets Owned By Kansas Rapper Mac Lethal

by Matthew Laidlow

All industries are dominated by a few major players -  just look at the computer you’re using. It’ll either be a PC or a magical Mac that claims to aid you in ways you didn’t think existed. In the music world, different genres have varied leading individuals. In the world of rap & hip-hop, there [...]

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Madonna To Show Super Bowl What Manly Muscles Really Look Like

by Mof Gimmers

The Super Bowl halftime show is a very, very prestigious gig. Some of music’s biggest stars have done a turn there. Prince. Paul McCartney. Bruce Springsteen. Er… Black Eyed Peas. In defence of the latter, they were awful and suicide rates went up six-hundredfold when they played. Wait. That’s no defence. Did someone say defence? [...]

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Is Rihanna Going To Die Or Something?

by Mof Gimmers

You may be sick of Rihanna releasing a new record every thirty seconds, but you ain’t got it so bad. Why? Well, Rihanna is sick. Properly sick. No. No sick of her releasing a record every 30 seconds. She’s actually sick-sick. So what’s the deal then? Is she going to die? Well, according to various [...]

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Reggae Star Vybz Kartel Escapes From Prison, Which Is Great!

by Mof Gimmers

Have you heard of Jamaican dancehall star Vybz Kartel? He’s our favourite. We love him the best. His music is the best we’ve ever heard. EVER. He’s a proper genius. Good looking too. Really handsome. There’s something of Mozart about the way he makes his music. His mind is sharper than Isaac Newton’s and he’s [...]

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