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Music News

Bruno Mars Cleared Of Cocaine Charges: Should’ve Got The Chair

by Mof Gimmers

There is no-one more hateful on planet Earth than Bruno Mars. Absolutely everything about him is odious to the point of a year-long continuous vomit. And yet, there’s people out there who are determined to keep him in the public eye. His songs are played, his stupid goofy expression keeps appearing on our televisions and [...]

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Beyonce Is Looking A Bit White These Days – MLK Would Be Proud!

by hecklerspray staff

Skin’s nice, isn’t it? The biggest organ of all the other organs in your body, according to the internet (though our liver is probably jostling for that accolade), and really good for when you want to stop your other, smaller, organs from falling out and making a mess on the carpet. Its also pretty good [...]

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Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

by Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you stuff the canal with [...]

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Video Of 12 Year Old Kanye West Emerges Doing Poem (He’s Not As Good As He Used To Be)

by Mof Gimmers

Kanye West is not a talented rapper. Sure, he’s great at getting heard, getting famous and coming up with mad-schemes to stay in the limelight, but he’s rapping… let us just say he’s a slower wordsmith than Turbo B from Snap! Still, an attention-seeker always gets attention. And it appears that he’s always been like [...]

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Steven Tyler Wants You To Lose Your Lunch By Talking About Sex

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine a long, slender sliver of beef jerky. Now, imagine it is covered entirely in human scarring. Imagine it twitching and yelping. Imagine the greasy residue it leaves on the counter as it moves from side-to-side. You’re imagining Steven Tyler having sex! Well done you! And look! There’s some erupting acid-reflux! See, Steven Tyler (the [...]

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Avril Lavigne Now Almost Entirely Pointless Now That She’s Single

by Mof Gimmers

Befanged, alt.lifestyle tourist, Avril Lavigne, long ago decided that being a skatergirl wasn’t for her because acne, greasy hair and ill-fitting jeans wasn’t at all attractive. And so, she promptly went mental, spat at some photographers and became airbrushed. Losing her raison d’être, she tottered off into some pop-twilight, only getting column inches for her [...]

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Z-Shaped, Tasteless Losers Rejoice At New Material From Suede!

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Suede? That’s right. They were a vaguely noisy band with an obsession with Bowie and women’s blouses. They were at the forefront of Britpop and, for the most part, Britpop was rubbish. So thanks for that. Apparently, they’ll be making a comeback. Just great. Of course, there’s a plethora of middle-aged men with pink [...]

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Azealia Banks Samples Aaliyah On Pretty Boring New Song (Listen Here!)

by Mof Gimmers

Azealia Banks is attractive, ballsy and is responsible for some outrageously fun tunes. 212 was a thrilling slice of pop which had one of the filthiest refrains in memory. And now, a new track is online (which you can hear below) which samples Aaliyah! And so, talented newbie samples RnB legend? What could possibly go [...]

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Juliette Lewis Slates Lana Del Rey In Quickest Backlash Ever

by Mof Gimmers

Lana Del Rey hasn’t even got her debut LP out and yet, somehow, the backlash has already begun! We say ‘somehow’; we know exactly why it has started – she makes really awful music and she’s obviously getting very famous because she’s easy on the eye. Naturally, that’s not a new criticism against pop-music, but [...]

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Jay Z Will Not Be Calling Women ‘Bitches’ Anymore, Apart From You Slags

by Mof Gimmers

Jay Z famously had 99 problems but, a bitch wasn’t one of them. And from now on, bitches won’t ever be a problem because he’s decided that he’s not going to degrade women anymore. And it’s all because he’s had a stupid baby with a stupid name. Ain’t life a funny thing? Seriously. The rap [...]

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