Music News
Beyonce & Her Immoral Boobs Postpone Malaysian Concert
Yo women, we're real happy for you, we'll let you finish, but Beyonce has some of the most immoral breasts of all time! OF ALL TIME! How immoral are Beyonce's breasts? Beyonce's breasts are so immoral that they've just made her postpone a concert in Malaysia. Apparently the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party is so outraged at the prospect of watching a pretty young woman wiggle her scantily-clad body about that she's decided to pull out. Of course, Beyonce could have just worn a few more clothes, but then people would have had to concentrate on her songs. Talk about a disaster.
Yo women, we're real happy for you, we'll let you finish, but Beyonce has some of the most immoral breasts of all time! OF ALL TIME! How immoral are Beyonce's breasts? Beyonce's breasts are so immoral that they've just made her postpone a concert in Malaysia. Apparently the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party is so outraged at the prospect of watching a pretty young woman wiggle her scantily-clad body about that she's decided to pull out. Of course, Beyonce could have just worn a few more clothes, but then people would have had to concentrate on her songs. Talk about a disaster.
Garth Brooks Is BACK! At Least Pretend That You Care!
For too long, country music has just been about fat old men in big hats playing up to an outdated stereotype. But no more. Because Garth Brooks is back. And, as everybody knows, he's... oh. He's a fat old man in a big hat playing up to an outdated stereotype, isn't he? Bugger. OK, anyway, Garth Brooks has decided to come out of retirement eight long years after everybody forgot that he was ever around in the first place. Oh, we're just kidding. Everybody knows that Garth Brooks is the top-selling solo artist in American history. What? You didn't know that? Depressing, isn't it?
For too long, country music has just been about fat old men in big hats playing up to an outdated stereotype. But no more. Because Garth Brooks is back. And, as everybody knows, he's... oh. He's a fat old man in a big hat playing up to an outdated stereotype, isn't he? Bugger. OK, anyway, Garth Brooks has decided to come out of retirement eight long years after everybody forgot that he was ever around in the first place. Oh, we're just kidding. Everybody knows that Garth Brooks is the top-selling solo artist in American history. What? You didn't know that? Depressing, isn't it?
Michael Jackson Storms American Music Awards, Nobody Knows Why
Honestly, Michael Jackson should have popped his clogs a few years ago - it's done wonders for his career. Take The AMAs. The 2009 American Music Award nominations have just been announced and Michael Jackson is up for five awards, including Best Artist (even though he's dead and hasn't released any new albums for eight years) and Best Album (for a Greatest Hits collection that came out six full years ago). Why has Michael Jackson been nominated so many times? Simple - it's because he's dead and dead people can't make acceptance speeches. Basically it's all a big ploy to ruin Kanye West's fun.
Honestly, Michael Jackson should have popped his clogs a few years ago - it's done wonders for his career. Take The AMAs. The 2009 American Music Award nominations have just been announced and Michael Jackson is up for five awards, including Best Artist (even though he's dead and hasn't released any new albums for eight years) and Best Album (for a Greatest Hits collection that came out six full years ago). Why has Michael Jackson been nominated so many times? Simple - it's because he's dead and dead people can't make acceptance speeches. Basically it's all a big ploy to ruin Kanye West's fun.
Michael Jackson’s New Song Actually Some Puerto Rican’s Old Song
When you heard Michael Jackson's new single This Is It yesterday, you probably thought "Wow, Michael's still got it." And you're right. Michael Jackson has still got it. It's just that 'it' in this case refers to an 18-year-old collection of obscure Puerto Rican pop songs. Because This Is It was first released in 1991 by an artist called Sa-Fire, who we haven't heard of either. What's more, it's been announced that Paul Anka will get half of the royalties from This Is It, ensuring him a massive payday. So just imagine how much bigger the payday would have been if the song was actually any good.
When you heard Michael Jackson's new single This Is It yesterday, you probably thought "Wow, Michael's still got it." And you're right. Michael Jackson has still got it. It's just that 'it' in this case refers to an 18-year-old collection of obscure Puerto Rican pop songs. Because This Is It was first released in 1991 by an artist called Sa-Fire, who we haven't heard of either. What's more, it's been announced that Paul Anka will get half of the royalties from This Is It, ensuring him a massive payday. So just imagine how much bigger the payday would have been if the song was actually any good.
Listen To Michael Jackson’s Brand New 18-Year-Old Song
Michael Jackson's aborted comeback shows were dubbed This Is It. And his new movie is called This Is It. Now Michael Jackson has a new song. Guess what it's called. That's right - it's called Mr Dingleberry's Enchanted Bloodhound. No, no it's not. It's also called This Is It. And the good news is that, provided that Free As A Bird is your favourite Beatles song and you feel that Tupac Shakur never really came into his own until several years after he died, it isn't completely awful. You want to listen to Michael Jackson's This Is It, don't you? Oh, go on then.
Michael Jackson's aborted comeback shows were dubbed This Is It. And his new movie is called This Is It. Now Michael Jackson has a new song. Guess what it's called. That's right - it's called Mr Dingleberry's Enchanted Bloodhound. No, no it's not. It's also called This Is It. And the good news is that, provided that Free As A Bird is your favourite Beatles song and you feel that Tupac Shakur never really came into his own until several years after he died, it isn't completely awful. You want to listen to Michael Jackson's This Is It, don't you? Oh, go on then.
The Jackson 5 Decide It’s Time To Cash In
We hate things that mislead or confuse us. Just the other week we decided to dine out at an all you can eat restaurant. Pay your money and grab a plate, that’s the basic premise. Simple or what? Apparently not in our case. Many hours later, the management asked us to leave as we’d supposedly had too much and were ruining everything for everyone else. We beg to differ. As far as we can remember, The Jackson 5 was made up of Marlon, Jackie, Tito, Michael and Jermaine. Quite recently, one of the members passed away, thus destroying anything that can kind of be marketed as The Jackson 5. But ballsacks to everyone, because the remaining brothers have decided to knock out a brand new compilation album featuring remixes and unreleased tracks. Holy hell, we hope Joe Jackson isn’t trying to impersonate Michael.
We hate things that mislead or confuse us. Just the other week we decided to dine out at an all you can eat restaurant. Pay your money and grab a plate, that’s the basic premise. Simple or what? Apparently not in our case. Many hours later, the management asked us to leave as we’d supposedly had too much and were ruining everything for everyone else. We beg to differ. As far as we can remember, The Jackson 5 was made up of Marlon, Jackie, Tito, Michael and Jermaine. Quite recently, one of the members passed away, thus destroying anything that can kind of be marketed as The Jackson 5. But ballsacks to everyone, because the remaining brothers have decided to knock out a brand new compilation album featuring remixes and unreleased tracks. Holy hell, we hope Joe Jackson isn’t trying to impersonate Michael.
Kanye West Cancels Tour, Possibly Because Beyonce’s Tour Is Better
If you enjoy paying to see odd men repeatedly bellow about how brilliant they are for two full hours, we have bad news. Kanye West has cancelled his tour. Kanye West and Lady Gaga were due to perform a tour across America this winter. But now, just a few weeks after he broke little Taylor Swift's heart into pieces at the MTV VMAs, Kanye has decided to scrap the whole thing. Yo Kanye, we're really happy for you, we're gonna let you finish but Michael Jackson had one of the best tour cancellations of all time. One of the BEST OF ALL TIME!
If you enjoy paying to see odd men repeatedly bellow about how brilliant they are for two full hours, we have bad news. Kanye West has cancelled his tour. Kanye West and Lady Gaga were due to perform a tour across America this winter. But now, just a few weeks after he broke little Taylor Swift's heart into pieces at the MTV VMAs, Kanye has decided to scrap the whole thing. Yo Kanye, we're really happy for you, we're gonna let you finish but Michael Jackson had one of the best tour cancellations of all time. One of the BEST OF ALL TIME!
Britney Spears Releases Another Song About Her Manky Old Clodge
Britney Spears has a new single out. It's called 3, so presumably it's about the highest number she can count to. Just kidding. It's about the amount of braincells Britney Spears has left. Just kidding. It's about the number of industrial-sized bottles of toilet cleaner that Britney Spears had to drink before allowing Kevin Federline to marry her. Just kidding. It's about the number of people who have an unblocked view of Britney Spears' vagina at any given time. Just kidding. It's actually about Britney Spears having sex with two people at once. We think we preferred the toilet cleaner one.
Britney Spears has a new single out. It's called 3, so presumably it's about the highest number she can count to. Just kidding. It's about the amount of braincells Britney Spears has left. Just kidding. It's about the number of industrial-sized bottles of toilet cleaner that Britney Spears had to drink before allowing Kevin Federline to marry her. Just kidding. It's about the number of people who have an unblocked view of Britney Spears' vagina at any given time. Just kidding. It's actually about Britney Spears having sex with two people at once. We think we preferred the toilet cleaner one.
