Music News
The Who Gear Up For Their Awkward, Protesty Super Bowl Show
The Super Bowl has seen some controversial moments in the past. Janet Jackson's boob. Bruce Springstreen's groin. Paula Abdul. That sort of thing. But this Sunday, all of that looks set to be blown out of the water when Pete Townshend from The Who will - get ready for this - play some of his most famous songs in front of several thousand adoring fans. The bastard. Let's burn him! Alternatively it'll be when Pete Townshend plays some of his songs and members of Florida child advocacy group Protect Our Children stand outside with some placards moaning about that time that Pete Townsend was arrested and cleared in a child pornography sting. Still, it's still better than Jackson's tit again, we suppose.
The Super Bowl has seen some controversial moments in the past. Janet Jackson's boob. Bruce Springstreen's groin. Paula Abdul. That sort of thing. But this Sunday, all of that looks set to be blown out of the water when Pete Townshend from The Who will - get ready for this - play some of his most famous songs in front of several thousand adoring fans. The bastard. Let's burn him! Alternatively it'll be when Pete Townshend plays some of his songs and members of Florida child advocacy group Protect Our Children stand outside with some placards moaning about that time that Pete Townsend was arrested and cleared in a child pornography sting. Still, it's still better than Jackson's tit again, we suppose.
Taylor Swift’s Wonky-Voiced Grammy Performance: The Aftermath
The Grammys, then. Beyonce won the most awards, and Michael Jackson got Celine Dion to caterwaul in front of a 3D dandelion. But the Grammys belonged to Taylor Swift. In total Taylor won awards for Album Of The Year, Best Country Album, Best Country Female and Best Country Song, and Kanye West wasn't around to babble like a giant twit through any of her acceptance speeches. The Grammys were Taylor Swift's moment to shine - at least, right up until the moment she started to sing, at which point they became Taylor Swift's moment to make a bizarre noise like a burning donkey sanctuary. And that's apparently big news. So big, in fact, that her label manager has stepped up to tell everyone to jolly well stop being so mean about her. Fun.
The Grammys, then. Beyonce won the most awards, and Michael Jackson got Celine Dion to caterwaul in front of a 3D dandelion. But the Grammys belonged to Taylor Swift. In total Taylor won awards for Album Of The Year, Best Country Album, Best Country Female and Best Country Song, and Kanye West wasn't around to babble like a giant twit through any of her acceptance speeches. The Grammys were Taylor Swift's moment to shine - at least, right up until the moment she started to sing, at which point they became Taylor Swift's moment to make a bizarre noise like a burning donkey sanctuary. And that's apparently big news. So big, in fact, that her label manager has stepped up to tell everyone to jolly well stop being so mean about her. Fun.
Daniel Bedingfield Threatening To Release New Material
We know that there are tragedies currently affecting people all over the world, but it might be time to draw your attention to one much closer to home. Fear not, the mayor of Cornwall hasn’t snapped a nail, neither has a massively old tree been sawn down to make way for studio apartments. This impending problem is a nuisance that we all know about. Like asbestos in the walls, you try and forget about it, but the problem comes back to bite you in the arse. Or kill you. As far as we know, Daniel Bedingfield hasn’t killed anyone, but his songs have been known to make us scratch so hard at our ears that internal bleeding has followed. Just when we thought that the wounds had healed, word reaches us that Daniel Bedingfield is about to return.
We know that there are tragedies currently affecting people all over the world, but it might be time to draw your attention to one much closer to home. Fear not, the mayor of Cornwall hasn’t snapped a nail, neither has a massively old tree been sawn down to make way for studio apartments. This impending problem is a nuisance that we all know about. Like asbestos in the walls, you try and forget about it, but the problem comes back to bite you in the arse. Or kill you. As far as we know, Daniel Bedingfield hasn’t killed anyone, but his songs have been known to make us scratch so hard at our ears that internal bleeding has followed. Just when we thought that the wounds had healed, word reaches us that Daniel Bedingfield is about to return.
Jedward Stupidly Allowed To Release A Single
Everyone detests having a boil. They’ll randomly appear and cause you a brief bit of pain. As an added bonus to people who scratch and pick at them furiously, you’ll get the chance to see blood and pus fly everywhere. Jedward are like a boil - you think they’ve gone back to where they’ve come from. But they always come back to haunt you. It was during the 2009 series of X Factor that the world was introduced to Jedward. You couldn’t love them unless you were unfortunately related to them as they frankly terrible at everything. For a show that focussed heavily on finding someone who could sing and pull off a basic dance routine, they lasted for ages even though they failed in these key areas. Saying that, they were coached by Louis Walsh who has made a career of managing rubbish acts like Westlife. Now they're back to haunt us with another musical pleb, Vanilla Ice.
Everyone detests having a boil. They’ll randomly appear and cause you a brief bit of pain. As an added bonus to people who scratch and pick at them furiously, you’ll get the chance to see blood and pus fly everywhere. Jedward are like a boil - you think they’ve gone back to where they’ve come from. But they always come back to haunt you. It was during the 2009 series of X Factor that the world was introduced to Jedward. You couldn’t love them unless you were unfortunately related to them as they frankly terrible at everything. For a show that focussed heavily on finding someone who could sing and pull off a basic dance routine, they lasted for ages even though they failed in these key areas. Saying that, they were coached by Louis Walsh who has made a career of managing rubbish acts like Westlife. Now they're back to haunt us with another musical pleb, Vanilla Ice.
Heidi Montag’s Album Fails, For Some Mysterious Reason
Heidi Montag famously said that her new album Superficial was as good as Thriller. And she was correct. Sort of. It isn't as good as Thriller the 110,000,000-selling Michael Jackson classic. But it is as good as Thriller the 1973 Swedish exploitation movie about a mute, one-eyed, heroin-addicted prostitute rape victim. It's not quite as uplifting as the film, admittedly, but it's probably about as good. And the whole world agrees, too - so far, Superficial by Heidi Montag has sold less than 1,000 copies. The low album sales have left Heidi Montag in a visible state of shock. Or maybe she just had her face surgically tightened so much that she can't move it any more. That's probably the most likely explanation, in retrospect.
Heidi Montag famously said that her new album Superficial was as good as Thriller. And she was correct. Sort of. It isn't as good as Thriller the 110,000,000-selling Michael Jackson classic. But it is as good as Thriller the 1973 Swedish exploitation movie about a mute, one-eyed, heroin-addicted prostitute rape victim. It's not quite as uplifting as the film, admittedly, but it's probably about as good. And the whole world agrees, too - so far, Superficial by Heidi Montag has sold less than 1,000 copies. The low album sales have left Heidi Montag in a visible state of shock. Or maybe she just had her face surgically tightened so much that she can't move it any more. That's probably the most likely explanation, in retrospect.
Florence (Without The Machine): Brit Award Nominations Are ‘Unbelievable’
You've heard Florence and the Machine right? Of course you have. Every single time you turn the television on, you're likely to hear the caterwaul yelping of their dreadful cover of You Got The Love. In fact, you can't move without hearing it. The government is planning on making it mandatory listening. Every time you open your eyes in the morning, a small speaker installed in your house will be activated by motion detectors and blast the screeching pop hit in your face. Many believe that this move is to see suicide rates rocket and thereby 'keep the numbers' down in our fair isle's attempt to reduce the collective carbon footprint (so don't use the rubber hose/exhaust pipe method for Christ's sake!)
You've heard Florence and the Machine right? Of course you have. Every single time you turn the television on, you're likely to hear the caterwaul yelping of their dreadful cover of You Got The Love. In fact, you can't move without hearing it. The government is planning on making it mandatory listening. Every time you open your eyes in the morning, a small speaker installed in your house will be activated by motion detectors and blast the screeching pop hit in your face. Many believe that this move is to see suicide rates rocket and thereby 'keep the numbers' down in our fair isle's attempt to reduce the collective carbon footprint (so don't use the rubber hose/exhaust pipe method for Christ's sake!)
Listen To Heidi Montag’s New Album, You Sickening Masochist
Heidi Montag isn't just a plastic surgery obsessive who won't rest until she's a giant, featureless, undulating glob of flesh. She's also... um, hang on... she's... oh, apparently she's a singer now, too. Until now, Heidi Montag's claim to fame was that she was a star of The Hills which - if you're counting - is sandwiched between 'murdering prostitutes' and 'soiling yourself in front of the pope' on the scale of worthwhile claims to fame. But now Heidi Montag has decided to become a singer, and has just released Superficial - an album that cost $2 million to make and is, in Heidi's opinion, as good as Thriller. Want to discover what Superficial sounds like? Then you're a dreadful human being and you don't deserve the ears you were born with. Also, it's after the jump.
Heidi Montag isn't just a plastic surgery obsessive who won't rest until she's a giant, featureless, undulating glob of flesh. She's also... um, hang on... she's... oh, apparently she's a singer now, too. Until now, Heidi Montag's claim to fame was that she was a star of The Hills which - if you're counting - is sandwiched between 'murdering prostitutes' and 'soiling yourself in front of the pope' on the scale of worthwhile claims to fame. But now Heidi Montag has decided to become a singer, and has just released Superficial - an album that cost $2 million to make and is, in Heidi's opinion, as good as Thriller. Want to discover what Superficial sounds like? Then you're a dreadful human being and you don't deserve the ears you were born with. Also, it's after the jump.
X Factor V RATM Tediously Bores On
Christmas is a time for buying everyone crap presents at the last minute and screaming at the endless plays of that bloody Slade song. But over the course of the last four years, novelty records have been replaced by the bland and tedious cover versions from the X Factor winner. This year it was Joe McElderry, who got to record the timeless hit The Climb by, erm, Miley Cyrus. But not everyone wants to see X Factor collect the coveted Christmas number one. They’d much rather it was by some other funky musician like Cliff Richard or the return of Bob The Builder. Or Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine. And, as we speak, it's on course to beat Toothy Joe. Even though all the swearing will make Baby Jesus cry.
Christmas is a time for buying everyone crap presents at the last minute and screaming at the endless plays of that bloody Slade song. But over the course of the last four years, novelty records have been replaced by the bland and tedious cover versions from the X Factor winner. This year it was Joe McElderry, who got to record the timeless hit The Climb by, erm, Miley Cyrus. But not everyone wants to see X Factor collect the coveted Christmas number one. They’d much rather it was by some other funky musician like Cliff Richard or the return of Bob The Builder. Or Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine. And, as we speak, it's on course to beat Toothy Joe. Even though all the swearing will make Baby Jesus cry.
