From the category archives:

Movie Gossip

Daniel Radcliffe Hates Rupert Grint; Just Another Life Ruined By Ed Sheeran

by Robin Darke

We all love the Harry Potter don’t we? The books are the perfect way to get kids reading and introduces more morbid elements of death and orphans in a child-friendly manner. The films are great hangover fodder, and are one of the biggest British export since Katie Price’s vagina. All the children on them look [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Christian Bale Stops Disgusting Tramps From Their Stinky Fighting

by Mof Gimmers

Christian Bale is like a real life Batman, by which we mean, he’s a very wealthy man who can’t stop meddling in people’s business. First, he got bothered by some Chinese security while trying to visit some deaf bloke or something… and now, he’s mucking about with vagrants! See, two tramps started having a scrap [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Star Wars Dogs Welcome You To The Bark Side

by Mof Gimmers

Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event. Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Decapitated Head Found Next To Hollywood Sign: All Celebrities Suspects

by Mof Gimmers

Apart from the myriad of famous people, the insane volumes of high quality Class A drugs, the alcoholism, casting couches, gangster dollars, movie productions and deviant sexual tastes, Hollywood is a bit of a snoozefest isn’t it? NOT NOW! See, there’s a massive investigation under way in LA after two dogs found a human head [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Kelly Clarkson Is Going To Star Spangled Thingy At Super Bowl XLVI

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! America! You know that song you have that goes “Oh say can you see? By the dawn’s early light! Da-da-dum, dee-dee-dee, the actor called Rocket Redglare’s arse glows!” or whatever it is? Well, once again, it will be sung at a major sporting event where you don’t compete against anyone else in the world! [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Madonna Talks About Being A Romantic Instead Of The Negative Reviews For Her New Film

by Michael Park

Palaeolithic megastar Madonna says she wonders what it would be like to be truly ‘loved’. By ‘truly loved’ she doesn’t mean by her legion of overly-loyal fans but by someone with something to lose. The 53-year-old’s sudden interest in love and human emotion comes as she is marketing her new directorial outing ‘W.E.’ and is [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Benedict Cumberbatch To Boldly Go Into Star Trek 2 (Geekjaculation Imminent)

by Mof Gimmers

You’ve seen Sherlock on BBC television right? Yeah, that homoerotic nonsense that all furrowed brows and winks to camera. It’s awful isn’t it? If you’re the kind of swine-nosed, spotty sloven who is now tutting in disgust at such a sentiment, we have news. Mr Benedict Cumberbatch, a man with a face like an iron [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Taylor Swift To Pollute The Inevitably Awful Les Miserables Movie

by Mof Gimmers

Taylor Swift (the Hayseed Barbie) has apparently been offered the role of Eponine in Tom Hooper’s new ‘Les Miserables’ film, which is clearly terrible news for those chumps amongst you who like overwrought musicals. What’ll irritate the purists even more is that Swift has seemingly beaten off (no, not like that) actual actors including Lea [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Elton John Wants Justin Timberlake For Biopic (Stop Laughing)

by Mof Gimmers

Sir Elton John, formerly bald, is planning to make a film about his life. And boy what a life! All that having sex and taking drugs! The travelling around the world! The outfits! That bit when he wrote that song. The trips to the hairdressers too! Amazing. And so, talking about this flick, Elt’ has [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Cheetah The Chimpanzee, Now Very Much Dead (You Thought It Was Already Dead Didn’t You?)

by Mof Gimmers

Cheetah, the fastest one from the Thundercats has died. Lion-O is said to be uncontrollably grief stricken and considering alcoholism while Snarf is preparing a press-conference about her untimely… wait… that’s the wrong one. We’re talking about Tarzan’s buddy aren’t we? Okay, glossing over the fact that, like most publications, we’re willing to invent situations [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →