Right. Here’s the future. In the year 200andGoogleitbecausewedidnot, once all the disinfectant from Leona Lewis’ Olympic Opening Ceremony Performance has sterilized Britain, there is to be some exciting news. Naomi Watts is going to do exactly what Meryl Streep has just done here in 2012.

But she’s going to do it slightly more creepier – and be all PRINCESS DIANA and everything.

Okay. Quick reminder on who Princess Diana is, just before everyone jumps on the bandwagon and starts holding aloft an ironic piece of bunting with a smashed arm of a princess on it or something.

So, Princess Diana was a woman, who married a man whom she did not love (That’s Prince Charles, that guy who once stood 20 miles from a working class civilian and didn’t complain about it at all) Alas, it didn’t work out – both parties allegedly got off with other people, and it was all a bit of a car crash to be honest.

It doesn’t really matter who Princess Diana was. Suffice to say her buttocks was not as pert as Pippa Middleton, she just contributed to various charities instead. Charities are like Children in Need, but they give the money to impoverished minorities, rather than a hedge fund for Terry Wogan’s minibar, per se. Like we say, it doesn’t really matter what charity is or indeed represents.

Here’s the lowdown on this Princess Diana biopic. Obviously, you all know how to type in ‘IMDB’ into Google, but you’re here now – and god, we may as well, right? The wonderlist for Completely Undocumented Life of Princess Diana is as follows:

NAOMI WATTS – PRINCESS DIANA
WHOEVER THE HELL WROTE ‘THE LIBERTINE?’ – SCREENWRITER

The power troupe of Hollywood there, in full force as per usual. The Breakfast Club of our hearts. The Emilio Estevez of our chronic loneliness. (Or ‘Paula Abdul’ if you want the clinical terminology)

Upon the casting, Naomi Watts said quite a large quantity of things about trophy polish and ‘must get a new diaphragm for Elton’s after-party’, but once we breezed past all that, the gist appears to be:

“It is such an honour to be able to play this iconic role – Princess Diana was loved across the world and I look forward to rising to the challenge of playing her on screen.”

Congratulations Naomi Watts! THIS IS ALL SO INCREDIBLY NECESSARY.

One mild concern – who’s going to play Cat Deeley in the crucial Paul Burrell performing terrifying the Chicago soundtrack with the vigour of a repressed 70s Gimp Candyman on Stars in Their Eyes scene?

Bit worried.

Ever since we all saw David Hasselhoff drunkenly eating a hamburger off the floor while berating his daughter, we’ve all thrilled at how damaged the former Baywatcher is. Not to mention that whole being under the impression he brought down the iron curtain in Germany thing.

The Hoff, for reasons only unclear to him, is one of our favourite celebrities to mockingly enjoy.

And, the good news is, is that he really hasn’t learned a thing. He’s as deluded as ever, growing his peas above sticks and saying, without a trace of irony, that he wants A-List superstar Russell Crowe for the Knight Rider Movie. That’d be the Knight Rider Movie which doesn’t ever, ever look like getting general release.

That’s right. A man who starred in the terrible slo-boober Baywatch and glazed idiot on the peering panel of America’s Got Talent has tweeted an invitation to Russell Crowe The Hollywood Actor.

Hoff said:

“Thanks mate hope to see you soon! Time for us to do Knight Rider the movie. Would love to hook up next time I’m in Sydney. Be there soon. Direct message me your email. Hope you’re well, bud.”

DaveHoff met Crowe in a hospital in Sydney. That’s all well and good until you hear that Hasselhoff is reported to have  danced for the young patients.

Surely there are law against such a thing?

Not only that, but while in Australia, Hasselhoff reportedly proposed to girlfriend Hayley Roberts during a walk up the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He posted photos on Twitter of him down on one knee and the couple kissing each other.

Next week, he’ll show us what he had for his lunch, post-digestion.

Hey! Comic nerds! Fancy picking holes in something? Then step right up, because we’ve got the newest teaser of the new web-slinging flick, The Amazing Spider-Man, which has been trailed at special preview events around the world.

The latest incarnation of Spiderman (it’s pronounced like a surname, etc) is played by Andrew Garfield, and we get to see the full thing – and berate it for not being quite right – in July.

So what can we expect? Well, this time ’round, we’ll see Peter Parker being bullied at school. Yep. Bullied like a big wimp. No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder. We also see the usual testing of web-firing gadgets and, better yet, the birth of the villainous Lizard played by Rhys Ifans (the one in the underpants in that film).

Director Marc Webb (apt name! He definitely hasn’t heard that one before) says:

“I think there are a lot of things from the Spider-Man canon that haven’t yet been explored cinematically. This movie really starts off with Peter Parker and his parents, which is something we’ve never really seen before, and I think that was something we were all really interested in exploring as filmmakers.”

Yes, but are we popcorn munching dimwits going to be interested in exploring it as viewers, huh?

Meanwhile, Emma Stone (who will be playing Gwen Stacey – Peter Parker’s other love interest away from the irritating MJ) told fans in Rio de Janeiro that Gwen and Mary Jane Watson (remember, she was played by Kirsten Dunst in the previous films) are “polar opposites,” while Rhys Ifans said in London that his character, Dr. Curt Connors, who becomes the Lizard, has “a very complex and emotional” link to Parker.

The bad news about this film is that it features music from the Rolling Stones and Coldplay.

Anyway, you have a look at this teaser and make your own stupid minds up. We’re sick of constantly wiping your arses for you and telling you what to think.

Seriously. Grow up.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 3D – Official Trailer /… by Lyricis

The world used to love Daniel Radcliffe.  For he was Harry Potter. From when he was just a sperm to when he sprouted his first pube Radcliffe made a spectacular living from swanning about shouting dodgy Latin while pointing a twig at things.  And we gobbled it up like the suckers we are.

But no more!

The world has got together and decided to take a giant steaming dump of rejection on Radcliffe’s snowy white shag-pile carpet of self worth.  WE DON’T LOVE YOU ANY MORE MR WIZARD!

Radcliffe’s latest post-Potter attempt at earning our esteem and the attentions of some of the dodgiest erotic literature ever to grace the Internet is The Woman In Black.  Which American box office figures have announced is not quite as good as some film called Chronicle, which is some sort of home movie made by three teenage boys who call each other ‘dude’ a lot.

Chronicle, which may or may not include teenagers with special abilities beyond the grasp of the rest of the muggle population or whatever, has soundly beaten The Woman in Black to the tune of $1 million dollars in both films’ opening weekend.  Which at current cinema ticket prices means that four more people went to a film that can levitate cars but not keep the camera level for more than one dramatic pause.

Which seems like a real shame, because Radcliffe looks very pale and skinny in the images we’ve seen of The Woman in Black.  We’ve not really read much about the film but looking at the pictures we’d guess Radcliffe is playing a hepatitis riddled Victorian opium addict and judging by his facial expressions… sorry, expression the young opium addict is required to complete complicated mathematical equations which are being held up on cards just to the left of the camera.  All while standing on a misty, cold moor in some geographically ambiguous part of Olde England.

A million dollars is a lot of rejection after you’ve sunk yourself into a role like that.  Opium isn’t cheap these days and can anyone really do quadratic equations while ankle deep in mud and horse shit?  When you are Harry Potter, you are the original face of teen-angst-meets-supernatural-powers-meets-a-fight-against-the-inherent-evil-of-the-human-condition.  That’s got to sting the ego.

But it could be worse, at least Radcliffe is still the star of his own films.  Emma ‘Hermione’ Watson is named on the posters for My Week With Marilyn but nobody seems to know if she’s been allowed to do any acting.  Rupert ‘The Ginger One’ Grint’s biggest role so far is still Thunderpants.

So Daniel, even if there’s shit on the carpet, you’re still the most famous of your friends.  And no, we don’t have any spare change, you’ll only spend it on drugs.

One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.

While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.

So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.

The baddie in the piece is called Loki and he’s all cocking his head with an evil eyebrow nonsense while Rob Downey Jr is, well, playing himself.

Elsewhere, Captain America’s shield will get nerds wet, while everyone else with be getting aroused over Scarlett Johansson in a catsuit.

Oh, and there’s aliens and laser beams and all that good stuff.

One thing that people may raise a vague titter at is the exchange between Loki and Iron Man. ”I have an army,” says Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. “We have a Hulk!” Stark replies.

Those superheroes and villains! Do they rehearse this stuff?

Yes they do. Now watch the trailer.

Do you hate everything yet? Do you wake up angry, in cold sweats thinking “this is all just terrible. We have one chance at a viable, enjoyable life and yet the culture we digest is diluted, spoon-fed nonsense with people who are inexplicably famous, we should be worth far more than this” and then carve “4REAL” into your arm?

No? Well, here’s some news.

The Only Way is Essex (sigh) star (double sigh) Mark Wright is going to be included in an artform enjoyed by Kirk Douglas and Robert DeNiro as the boyfriend of Kelly Brook’s character in a film with Danny Dyer and oh don’t you just want to shoot people now?

We can only hazard guesses, but it’s probably safe to say that this news is about as welcome to the world of cinema as ZZ Top at a Leukaemia convention. Remember actors? They would act in things, and people who weren’t actors didn’t?

Mark Wright was quoted as saying literally nothing of value about the film, in which he stars with hard man – if hard man constitutes as someone who looks like too much of a bed-wetter to do PR for Coldplay (and UFO enthusiast) – Danny Dyer, who has a fantastic record in cinema, doesn’t he?

Christ.

“Insiders” have mentioned that Wright is trying to drop his Essex accent to have a crack at Hollywood, which shouldn’t even be worth saying, really, because “speaking differently” and “playing a character who isn’t you” is called “acting”. “Speech marks”.

Wright’s publicist, or “Talky Word Man”, said:

“He loves The Business and Football Factory, so it’s a dream for him to work with Danny and Tamar. Add Kelly into the mix, he’s made up.”

Maybe this is proof that you can achieve anything if you’re a moron.

Have you seen Domino? It’s just about the worst film ever made. That includes the ill-advised Garbage Pail Kids movie which some idiot wasted his money on making. And the reason that Domino is so bad lays entirely at the feet of the godawful Keira Knightley – an English accent designed to occupy a thong.

Of course, criticism and Keira are common bedfellows. Where Knightley goes, people muttering about how dismal she is, is never far away.

Apart from in glorious America, where they’re dim enough to like her. The USofA is just about the only country gullible enough to buy her schtick of being a not-ugly posh English girl of no-fixed-talent. And she’s noticed.

The dreadful, dreadful actress feels she gets more support as an actress in America than at home in the UK. That’s because the UK has a dreck-filter, not like in America where they’ll gobble up any ol’ gash. Want evidence? Americans will happily watch Two And A Half Men and The Big Bang Theory in their droves, whereas everything the UK produces is absolutely brilliant.

Apart from Knightley.

The Pirates Of The Caribbean jobsworth who, in her new film ‘A Dangerous Method’, realises that her acting abilities are so stunted, that she must take on a role that sees her getting spanked while tied semi-naked to a bed (you have to generate interest somehow, right?), admitted to GQ that she gets upset when people point out how gaspingly awful she is at her job.

Keira said:

“The Americans are generally a lot more supportive. They generally like the work a lot more than they do here. It is what it is, I suppose. It could just be that I’m not to a lot of people’s tastes. Which is fine.”

“Well it’s not, obviously. You want to be to everyone’s taste… But. I think it’s better to do your own thing rather than try to please everyone and just be this mushy thing in the middle.

“Sometimes it’s like water off a duck’s back, and sometimes it really hurts… and then you go away and cry for an hour or so, and then you pick yourself up again.”

There you go. We’ve all been making Keira Knightley cry. Something that no-one has ever been moved to do after watching one of her performances… unless you include the bitter tears of frustration as you watch a young talentless div sloping around a set for huge sums of undeserved money.

Matthew Broderick is a man with a surprisingly unremarkable film career.

We don’t mean he doesn’t make money- we’re sure he’s super-successful if judged by wealth. However, before you continue reading, grab a pad of paper and a pen. If, like us, you get hand-cramp from even writing your own name, then just open up a word document instead.

Now make a list of all the Matthew Broderick films of which you can remember. Done that? Now cross out all the ones that weren’t artistic travesties. Come on, be honest with yourselves. By the way if you didn’t cross out Godzilla it’s probably best if you cease this exercie immediately.

As a reliable rule of thumb one should master cutlery before tacking cultural discourse on the internet.

Don’t look on Wikipedia, that’s cheating. Now how many films have you got? Not many eh? 3, 4, 5 maybe? Weird isn’t it for an almost 30 year career?  We were surprised because we like equine bothering super nice-guy Matthew Broderick. The reason any of us still have a soft spot for him is because of Ferris Bueller.

If you like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, then you’ll probably love the new Honda commercial/Bueller homage made for the crazily valuable Superbowl commercial break slot. We say probably because you may feel there’s some ‘selling out’ issue. If that’s the case you may just have to accept that movies aren’t early 80s hardcore punk and that Matthew Broderick isn’t Henry Rollins.

Once you’ve done that then you can sit back and enjoy. Then depending on how keen you are, watch it again and look out  for the subtle details that were put there for your nerd-ass.

Oh, and try not to think about the fact that he looks like  70 year old botoxed woman when he has the towel on his head.

Plot holes! Popcorn! If you hadn’t guessed, hecklerspray is venturing into the world of film criticism and, as awards season rolls around again with all the depressing monotony of Madonna trying her best to make a movie, we couldn’t have picked a better time to start.

We’ve already seen The Golden Globes pass by like a bus that couldn’t be bothered to hit anyone and The London Critics Circle had an altogether more serious affair for the ‘proper’ films; they’ll be the ones you never saw while you were queuing for tickets to The Inbetweeners Movie.

Now though it’s time for that decrepit golden man to bestow some acclaim on some people who really don’t need anymore; enter Oscar. In other words – let us look at new trailers for new films.

The nominations have been announced to massive sighs from just about everyone other than Michael Hazantthisfilmbeentalkedaboutenoughalreadyvicius who’s silent film The Artist is quickly rising from ‘underdog’ to “Oh my god this is, like, totally amazing and deserving of everything thrown its way,” favourite.

The uncouth Frenchman couldn’t even be bothered to write dialogue and still has a chance of winning best screenplay; will someone alert the academy? They’re probably all so old they didn’t even notice.

If you’re one of those run of the mill: “This Orange Wednesday thing is pretty ground breaking,” type people then you will never have heard of Albert Nobbs which is perfectly fine because it’s not going to win either of the three awards it’s nominated for and it can disappear blissfully back into obscurity. While we’re here though may as well watch the trailer, eh?

As far as we can tell it’s about a gender politics in a bygone era where everybody didn’t really get ’round to shouting HAVE YOU SEEN GLENN CLOSE’S FACE?

Elsewhere, one of the most bizarre decisions was to nominate Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close for best picture, being that nobody really knows or cares anything about it; especially in this country where the marketing campaign is only just getting going.

It has a young wide-eyed boy, Tom Hanks laughing, Sandra Bullock doing ‘the look’, and Max Von Sydow giving Christopher Plummer a run for his money in the old stakes. It’s about 9/11 and pretty much says “This is going to be more epic than Epic Movie”. It also has this:

And now, over to The Help which has a butt-load of nominations.

Hark! A film that tackles racism by succumbing to every lousy racial stereotype there is!

Obviously many other films were nominated for something or other this year and Michael Fassbender’s penis was Shame(fully) ignored. We think Chris Nolan is going to surprise win all the categories despite the scandalous underrepresentation of all the films he didn’t make this year.

It’s disheartening how much that woman isn’t Michelle Rodriguez.

Why do people care about The Oscars? The winners get a lousy statue that resembles a gold-plated bottle of bubble bath with a screw top head. Hollywood has run out of ideas and has realised that the game is up, badly remaking Japanese films and adapting stupid books.

But Generation Yoof won’t care about classic cinema being revisited will they? They’ve got Skins back on their worthless TVs.

And, worse still, sixth form politicians and literature geeks will all be going weak at the knees as skag wuss and all-round pus-factory Pete Doherty looks to cash in with a documentary based on run of the mill indie act, The Libertines. We expect no highs, just lows.

For some reason, The Libertines made it big despite sounding like every other band that was hanging around on the circuit. Perhaps excitable teenagers liked the spaced-out, brown-tooth look that Pete Doherty gave off as he constantly wandered around on a concoction of bad drugs and worse booze.

The Libertines essentially proved themselves to be a band version of Eastenders as Doherty decided to break into band mate Carl Barat’s flat to steal from him. Eventually he spent some time inside a nasty prison, which we all had a laugh over.

As we’ve said before, he’s not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.

Frankly, we have no idea what this documentary is going to be about. After all, it does seem to be the worst trailer we’ve ever seen for anything. Waste a minute of your life below as the camera continues to zoom out until the very end. Go GCSE media skills!

If anyone ever sits down to watch “There Are No Innocent Bystanders,” is it just going to be nothing but a scrap book of images featuring some muffled words by the band? Is anyone going to be able to tell what plastic cockney Pete Doherty is saying throughout?

Or will it just be one giant mockery of their career when we see how all of the members squandered away the money they received to reunite for hipster central festival, Leeds & Reading?

“There Are No Innocent Bystanders” will only be available in all bad cinemas, DVD shops and torrent sites still. Don’t bother asking us when it’s out.

We all love the Harry Potter don’t we? The books are the perfect way to get kids reading and introduces more morbid elements of death and orphans in a child-friendly manner. The films are great hangover fodder, and are one of the biggest British export since Katie Price’s vagina.

All the children on them look so happy to be acting with them don’t they? Look at those cherub faces. Not knowing what real life will hold for them after the films finish. We heard that the girl who played Pansy Parkinson is teetering on a total K-hole after taking a great big E through her eyes. They’ll be friends for life once they all have a whip round and throw an intervention for her.

We’re romantics at heart aren’t we?

Well, someone who they won’t be throwing an intervention for is Rupert Grint, who, according to Harry Potter Himself is a smelly git.

Daniel Radcliffe has taken a break from getting his penis out to publicly bitchslap his co-star while at the same time, blow so much smoke up Emma Watson’s vagina that she’s starting to resemble a wigwam when she walks.

“If I see him every six months or so, it’s a friendly ‘hello, how’s things with you’ but that’s about it. I’m just going to put it out there, Emma and I text all the time but Rupert and I never text each other, we never see each other.”

Remember when girls at school would freeze out one of the clique because she had a Polly Pocket duvet cover when everyone else was into My Little Pony? This is just the same. Grint doesn’t want to be a luvvy and whack his schlong out at every opportunity and thusly, has been froze out.

Or maybe it’s just because he’s meant to be a fat pothead now.

Apparently, only Radcliffe and Grint know what the problem is, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t speculate wildly about a complex threeway with Emma Watson that just got so heavy, even though they said that it wouldn’t.

This news will come as a shock to massive fans of homo-Harry Potter-fanfic, but we’ll be round in a few minutes to throw an intervention. Or maybe you could do us a favour and kill yourself now?

There’s a good girl.

Christian Bale is like a real life Batman, by which we mean, he’s a very wealthy man who can’t stop meddling in people’s business. First, he got bothered by some Chinese security while trying to visit some deaf bloke or something… and now, he’s mucking about with vagrants!

See, two tramps started having a scrap and Bale wasn’t having any of it!

Over Christmas (yeah, this is hot off the press!), the Batman star stepped in to break up a fight between two horrible pungent homeless men in California. Was he doing it for the good of those fighting? OF COURSE NOT.

See, the actor was shopping near his home in Brentwood, Los Angeles (hello stalkers! Yes indeed, Bale lives in Brentwood, LA, should you want to follow him around, dribbling on yourselves and fumbling in your trousers) when he spied two vagrants engaged in a heated altercation.

Alas, powered by meth or special-brew (or both if they had any class), the war of slurs escalated and Bale had to swoop in like some kind of nondescript superhero and intervene!

He told the odorous pillocks to take it elsewhere – away from all the non-stinky, home-having families that were enjoying the peaceful surroundings.

That’s right! Not a care for the gruesome life of a hobo! Nice, middle class people were dry-heaving and wanted to enjoy the sanctity of civilisation. They’re all idiots of course. They should’ve whipped out their smartphones and filmed it all. They would’ve had a YouTube smash on their hands, especially if they’d goaded one of the vagrants to try lamping Batman one.

An eyewitness said:

“I could not believe what I was seeing. It wasn’t clear what the people were arguing about – but it soon became apparent that their conversation was heading toward a violent incident.

A ‘violent incident’? Is that how people talk now? Anyway, they continued:

“One of the homeless guys cocked back his fist and was just about to strike the other man – but out of nowhere Christian Bale appeared and got in the middle of them! Christian acted like a referee and told the homeless men to take it elsewhere”

Insert your own ‘KAPOW!’ jokes.

Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.

Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?

Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and  together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.

Last year, we saw VW flogging their Passat with an advert called ‘The Force’ which showed a little Vader trying to use his powers around the house.

The company behind that have come up with another Star Wars themed commercial and George Lucas obvious doesn’t mind coining it in for zero work. So how do you top Mini Vader? DOGS. And VW stuck out a teaser for the upcoming VW Super Bowl commercial.

And Super Bowl ads are not to be sniffed at. This year, companies are paying an average of $3.5 million for 30 seconds of advertising time in the big game (which is on February 5th).

But you don’t care about that.

You want to see a bunch of dogs dressed in Star Wars outfits singing a song don’t you? Keep an eye out for the AT-AT. Absolute show stealer.

Apart from the myriad of famous people, the insane volumes of high quality Class A drugs, the alcoholism, casting couches, gangster dollars, movie productions and deviant sexual tastes, Hollywood is a bit of a snoozefest isn’t it?

NOT NOW!

See, there’s a massive investigation under way in LA after two dogs found a human head in a plastic bag next to the Hollywood sign! And of course, because only celebrities live in Hollywood, everyone who has ever been in a film is now very much a suspect!

The Police (no, not Sting’s group) said two dog walkers with about nine dogs (only in Hollywood, arf!) came across the bag on a trail near the Hollywood sign in the Hollywood Hills yesterday.

Sergeant Mitzi Fierro told KCAL-TV that two dogs began playing with the bag. Then, brilliantly, an object fell out and the dog walkers realised it was a severed head!

Dogs eh? Always messing around with decapitated heads!

Sgt Fierro, who really does have a wonderful, wonderful name, said the bag was visible from the trail and it did not appear to have been in the area for very long. Of course, coroners will attempt to identify the victim through dental records and detectives are expected to search the area today.

Meanwhile, someone else will be hastily battering out a script based on the Head In A Bag and firing out to everyone in Hollywood in the hope that it will become a quality daytime straight-to-TV movie where everyone in the entertainment industry is a suspect!

Of course, anyone who doesn’t put an option on it is obviously guilty as hell! This is a sure-fire winner! Happy pitching writers!

Hey! America! You know that song you have that goes “Oh say can you see? By the dawn’s early light! Da-da-dum, dee-dee-dee, the actor called Rocket Redglare’s arse glows!” or whatever it is? Well, once again, it will be sung at a major sporting event where you don’t compete against anyone else in the world!

And who might be fluffing the lyrics to it at Super Bowl XLVI?!

Why, it’s the regrettably nice Kelly Clarkson who is very, very difficult to hate – unless you listen to her music.

Yessir!

Kelly Clarkson will sing ‘The Star-Spangled Bruce Banner’ at the Super Bowl on February 5th at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Of course, this hasn’t been formally announced, but the organisers of the entertainment for the NFL are absolutely hopeless when it comes to keeping secrets.

Seriously. The NFL is one big gossiping old trout, nattering over the garden fence to next door. And next door is a massive loudmouth.

Clarkson will join a whole host of performerers at this year’s Super Bowl including Madonna, who will perform during halftime with guests M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj, and Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton, who will sing “America the Beautiful” as a duet.

Surely the latter should be called ‘America IS Beautiful’. Cuh! Y’all be dropping the letter ‘U’ from a bunch of words next you brutes!

Go Lions!