From the category archives:

Celebrity Gossip

Michael Jackson’s Glee Episode Is Imminent (Don’t Let Him In A School!)

by Matthew Laidlow

Americans have loads of stuff that’s essentially just for them, but occasionally seeps into the cultural mindset of others. Even though its just rounders for men, they call it the “world series” even though only American teams compete. Then there’s the general extra injection of happiness and excitement that all Americans possess. Even going to [...]

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Kate Moss Hates Twitter (Doesn’t Like Interacting With The Non-Famous)

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine being Kate Moss. What do you do with your life? You stand around in a variety of clothes, which people hang off your bony frame and generally lord it up like you have an actual talent other than your genetic make-up. Despite a clear lack of anything worthwhile, other than being sufficiently bland enough [...]

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Is Justin Bieber Harvesting The Organs Of Children?

by Mof Gimmers

There’s always been something incredibly sinister about Justin Bieber. Anyone who is paraded around like a prepubescent monkey eunuch should fill any right-minded person with the dread of a thousand bailiffs. The very fact no-one seems to mind a performing menstrual period is of great concern, especially given that Bieber is clearly using his power [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Ran A Woman Over And ‘Anguish’ Ensued! Hurray!

by Mof Gimmers

Aah! Lindsay Lohan is the perfect hecklerspray celebrity. She takes one-step forward, or one step back, and she’s in trouble. It doesn’t matter where she is, or who she’s with – she’s always on the brink of being in some kind of bother. Now, after a couple of years of jewel thievery, alleged assault, drug [...]

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Lana Del Rey: Doesn’t Really Care About Music At All, But Expects You To

by Mof Gimmers

Years ago, a smarter scribe than this wrote of ‘air-conditioner music’, which is to say, music stopped putting something into a room and instead, started trying to remove it. And removing everything out of a room, apart from the earless saps who buy it, is Lana Del Rey, the most tepid popstar in history. She’s [...]

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Simon Cowell Wants Cheryl Cole And Tries To Reinvent The Scratch DJ

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell has made stars of boybands, Chico, Susan Boyle and a variety of completely forgettable singers like Steve Brookstein, Leon Thingy and DooDah Sneddon. Possibly. We’re get all those talent shows confused these days. So what’s his next move? Well, apart from publicly wooing Cheryl Cole again (presumably Kelly Rowland can’t be bothered saying [...]

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Rihanna Gives You Another Reason To Hate Her

by Lady Robotnik

Though famous for making excellent life choices, Rihanna has made one more – by getting a set of hideous tattoos. Most female celebrity tattoos look like they were purchased with a Groupon voucher and inked by Micheal J Fox post-Parkinson’s. Rihanna’s are no exception. The never-knowingly-dressed starlet has got the words ‘Thug Life’ inked on [...]

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Mick Jagger Hates David Cameron But Likes Counting Beans

by Mof Gimmers

Mick Jagger, a man with a face like a thousand ballsacks, is no political football! Nosiree! He doesn’t like to be aligned to any party, mainly because he knows that its not in his interests to side with anyone, lest he lose a bunch of fans. With that, he doesn’t like Prime Minister David Cameron [...]

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Demi Moore Needs a Nap In Hospital Because She’s Probably About To Die

by Euan L Davidson

You can’t fault Demi Moore’s record. Some terrible, terrible films aside, some people forget that she put up with really, really Republican gunslinger Bruce Willis’ penis for a considerable amount of time, before taking on Ashton Kutcher in his most elaborate “Punk’d” episode so far. Fresh from divorcing the “Butterfly Effect”, um, star (well, he [...]

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Cynthia Nixon Hates Gays (Probably Thinks Jews Brought It On Themselves Too)

by Robin Darke

Cynthia Nixon is a lot of things to different people; third favourite character in Sex And The City, postmodern mother, pretend lover, and of late, power lesbian, but recently she’s transitioned from bona fide actress into one trick, famous homosexualist. We were all shocked when Nixon revealed that she had hitched herself up with a [...]

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