Aaah. Fearne Cotton. hecklerspray has to admit for once having a soft spot for the lovely young Top-Of-The-Pops-presenting madam, utterly enraptured by her smiley beamy face and big Bambi-on-Ecstasy eyes and such. Lovely pretty cute little Fearne, we thought...

Until we read about what an absolute nutter she is.

In the Michael Jackson (CDs) trial, the defence is doing it's best to clear Jackson's name against accusations that he molested a boy.

Already, the team have pulled off what's been seen as a pivotal moment of the trial, when Macaulay Culkin (DVDs) denied any sexual activity between the pair. And that, the whole world hoped, was to be the start of a flood of celebrities into the courtroom, all singing Jackson's praises for the world to see (or at least, for the world to see going in and coming out of the court house).

But now the judge has passed a ruling that has made everyone - especially the lookalike agencies -  sad and disappointed. He's effectively banned celebrities from the court house.

Justin Timberlake (CDs) is reportedly to play a gay love-interest in Will and Grace (DVDs).  Justin wants to really take this acting lark seriously, but for now only as Jack’s ‘bad boyfriend’.

Justin Timberlake may appear in three episodes as Jack’s little pal - a crazy role for the already jive-dancing star.  Perhaps, it’s a tip from Cameron Diaz (DVDs)

A few weeks back some enterprising young fellow called Benjamin Halbe sold a car previously owned by Pope Benedict XVI on Germany’s eBay site. He got £130,000 for it too. With an original purchase price of just £6,000, that happily dispels the myth that second-hand cars lose half their value when you hand over your cash.

Most of the problems of the world can be solved with one word - monkey. The war in Iraq would have been much less of an issue if Saddam had monkeys of mass destruction. If George Galloway was accused of being given barrels of monkeys, nobody would bat an eyelid.

The monkey rule is especially true in the world of entertainment. Would

Firstly, we have the popular 1960s TV sitcom Bewitched (DVD), a long-running ratings hit that's soon to be updated into a blockbuster movie starring pretty lady Nicole Kidman (DVDs) and professional mirthmaker Will Ferrell (DVDs).

Secondly, we have the the infamous Salem witch trials. Immortalised in Arthur Miller's The Crucible (DVD), this was the wave of public hysteria in 1692 that led to the public hanging of no less than 19 people.

One's a chilling emission from the bowels of history, the other's a cheesy slice of laughtracked overacting. Probably not a good idea to combine the two, right?

As reported here yesterday, The Farm has hit Channel Five running, as basically the weirdest reality TV show in the world.

Yes, the RSPCA says it's cruel; yes, someone's going to probably wank off a pig before it's finished, but the big question is - who's going to win?

hecklerspray and our friends at Betfair.com have teamed up yet again to help guide you through the contenders and give you their current odds. Enjoy...

Listening to Radio 2 is a lot like playing Russian Roulette; as good as it is, you know - you just know - that sooner or later Katie Melua (CDs) is going to crop up and bland her way through some turgid cock of a song. And it spoils your day so much that not even playing Lego Star Wars (Games) can cheer you up.

And yet Radio 2 was still named UK Station Of The Year at the Sony Radio Awards. The judges must have chosen them using the same techniques as everyone did in the election - don't vote for the best, vote for the least rubbish.