For a bunch of cynical bastards, we're having trouble finding anything to dislike whatsoever about Swedish indie maestros Loney Dear and, quite frankly, it's a rather discomforting sensation.

Or at least it would be, if listening to Loney Dear wasn't the breathtakingly joyous experience that it is. Perfectly tender melodic anthems sung with a voice humanly fragile enough to

Calvin Harris. He's got both love and hugs for you if you were born in the eighties - which includes at least some of the hecklerspray staff - but he's apparently got more love and hugs for you if you were born in the sixties and are called Kylie Minogue.

But maybe we'll have more luck with the new

As much as we like The Beastie Boys here - and, really, we do - we can't help wishing that they'd pull their bloody finger out a bit. It's been three years since the last Beastie Boys album was released - and nine since the

Mark Ronson. We liked him before you did, and now you like him we don't like him as much. And now comes what should be seen as Mark Ronson's lowest point - a cover version of a Kaiser Chiefs song that Lily Allen sings.

Oh My God, Mark Ronson's new single, is a cover of the once-ubiquitous Kaiser Chiefs

How many Scottish bands do you know who sound like The Killers? We've spent literally eight or nine seconds thinking about it, and we're stumped. So it's just as well that Drive By Argument are around to at least give us one example.

We don't know a lot about Drive By Argument, other than they're Scottish and sound like

Being as terminally uncool as we are, we're not sure of the exact subgenre that Alloy Mental falls into - some would say it's Nu Rave, but we think it's more Nu Angry Dalek In An Air Raid Siren Factory, since that's more of

Jarvis Cocker, eh? If he isn't not writing any songs for Eurovision, then he's not not dressing up as Rolf Harris for episodes of Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes or not not not watching X Factor.

But what Jarvis Cocker is doing is recording songs like Fat Children. Fat Children, for those of you who haven't heard

In the past, music videos by The Horrors have featured bloodthirsty aliens splattering out of Samantha Morton's vagina - so obviously any subsequent videos that don't feature that are bound to be something of a letdown.

We're sad to inform you, in that case, that the video to The Horrors' new video She Is The New Thing doesn't feature