Music News
Black Metal Villain Released From Prison
In some circles, the name Varg Vikernes represents a figure of a musical vision, a thinker and a powerful individualist. To most, it refers to a convicted arsonist a murderer… and a fascist. In 1994, Vikernes, the self styled ‘Count Grishnackh’ sat on trial in Bergen, Norway, for the murder of , black metal aka ‘Euronymous’ of rival band Mayhem and the arson of churches. As he was given Norway’s maximum 21-year sentence, he smiled. It was an event that rocked international headlines and brought black metal (The most extreme wing of Heavy Metal music) screaming from the fog of obscurity. After rotting in his cell for 16 years, Varg Vikernes has emerged from Tromsø prison claiming to be ready for society.
In some circles, the name Varg Vikernes represents a figure of a musical vision, a thinker and a powerful individualist. To most, it refers to a convicted arsonist a murderer… and a fascist. In 1994, Vikernes, the self styled ‘Count Grishnackh’ sat on trial in Bergen, Norway, for the murder of , black metal aka ‘Euronymous’ of rival band Mayhem and the arson of churches. As he was given Norway’s maximum 21-year sentence, he smiled. It was an event that rocked international headlines and brought black metal (The most extreme wing of Heavy Metal music) screaming from the fog of obscurity. After rotting in his cell for 16 years, Varg Vikernes has emerged from Tromsø prison claiming to be ready for society.
PETA Furious Over Michael Jackson’s Flying Circus
Wacko Jacko is under fire after the European wing of PETA threw an ethical bomb at his 50-date O2 extravaganza. His extensive residence at London's O2 Arena, starting July 8th, is reported to be 'jungle-themed' and will feature an African elephant, processions of panthers, parrots, wild birds and Masai warriors... but thankfully, no children are involved. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals choked on their tofu salads when they caught wind of Jacko's plans and responded immediately with pleading letters, bags of flour and a resurrected report of the star's sordid past with the animal kingdom.
Wacko Jacko is under fire after the European wing of PETA threw an ethical bomb at his 50-date O2 extravaganza. His extensive residence at London's O2 Arena, starting July 8th, is reported to be 'jungle-themed' and will feature an African elephant, processions of panthers, parrots, wild birds and Masai warriors... but thankfully, no children are involved. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals choked on their tofu salads when they caught wind of Jacko's plans and responded immediately with pleading letters, bags of flour and a resurrected report of the star's sordid past with the animal kingdom.
Leon Jackson Dropped For Being Utterly Gash
Leon Jackson, we all know him as the crying little Scottish boy who appeared on X Factor in 2007. When it got down to the grand final between himself and freaky silver-haired Rhydian Roberts it was genuinely assumed that Rhydian would win. Probably because he was a better singer and didn’t weep as much. Somehow, Leon clinched victory and won a lucrative record contract. Rhydian lost, but still managed to get an album deal. Now it appears that Rhydian Roberts has had the last laugh as his rival has been dropped by Sony. We’re trying not to cry either.
Leon Jackson, we all know him as the crying little Scottish boy who appeared on X Factor in 2007. When it got down to the grand final between himself and freaky silver-haired Rhydian Roberts it was genuinely assumed that Rhydian would win. Probably because he was a better singer and didn’t weep as much. Somehow, Leon clinched victory and won a lucrative record contract. Rhydian lost, but still managed to get an album deal. Now it appears that Rhydian Roberts has had the last laugh as his rival has been dropped by Sony. We’re trying not to cry either.
Beyonce Fans Are Morons Say Scientists
It’s very easy to point the finger and accuse people of being something they're not. Just the other day we got called tight-fisted for refusing to pay an old lady's bus fare late at night. Yes it was raining but, Jesus, she wouldn’t share her umbrella. What goes around comes around you see. For years we’ve often assumed that people who listen to pop music are morons who live in a fantasy land. Of course everything will work out happily ever after like in all their videos and song. Now, scientists have banged their brains together to prove what we all knew all along.
It’s very easy to point the finger and accuse people of being something they're not. Just the other day we got called tight-fisted for refusing to pay an old lady's bus fare late at night. Yes it was raining but, Jesus, she wouldn’t share her umbrella. What goes around comes around you see. For years we’ve often assumed that people who listen to pop music are morons who live in a fantasy land. Of course everything will work out happily ever after like in all their videos and song. Now, scientists have banged their brains together to prove what we all knew all along.
Robert Pattinson Wants A Chinny Duet With Will Young
So recently Robert Pattinson has admitted to acting on Valium, plus he's just filmed a graphic gay sex scene. But that's hardly controversial. Sure, all the drugs and gay sex might alienate Robert Pattinson's tweeny female fans, but not as much as the news that's just emerged about him - Robert Pattinson wants to record a duet with chinny Will Young. The implications of this duet are massive - leading particle scientists have declared that, should Robert Pattinson and Will Young ever collaborate on tape, the resulting charisma vacuum would likely tear a hole in the space/time continuum and destroy us all.
So recently Robert Pattinson has admitted to acting on Valium, plus he's just filmed a graphic gay sex scene. But that's hardly controversial. Sure, all the drugs and gay sex might alienate Robert Pattinson's tweeny female fans, but not as much as the news that's just emerged about him - Robert Pattinson wants to record a duet with chinny Will Young. The implications of this duet are massive - leading particle scientists have declared that, should Robert Pattinson and Will Young ever collaborate on tape, the resulting charisma vacuum would likely tear a hole in the space/time continuum and destroy us all.
Michael Jackson To Whine New Songs In London
Quick everyone! Don your sparkly gloves and pick up your replica Bubbles the monkey soft toy. Do we have some earth shattering news for you! You may have to put your hand over your crotch so people don’t know you’ve pissed yourself in excitement. Everyone knows that Michael Jackson is coming to London in July to sing a few songs and try smile. Being in the presence of a living legend is one thing, but won’t it be boring when he mimes from his old catalogue of hits? Don’t think that for a second, though! Michael Jackson is rumoured to be debuting new material at his gigs.
Quick everyone! Don your sparkly gloves and pick up your replica Bubbles the monkey soft toy. Do we have some earth shattering news for you! You may have to put your hand over your crotch so people don’t know you’ve pissed yourself in excitement. Everyone knows that Michael Jackson is coming to London in July to sing a few songs and try smile. Being in the presence of a living legend is one thing, but won’t it be boring when he mimes from his old catalogue of hits? Don’t think that for a second, though! Michael Jackson is rumoured to be debuting new material at his gigs.
Lars Ulrich Pops His Illegal Downloading Cherry
We all know that Lars Ulrich is an angry man. He's so angry that drumkits literally weep when they know he is nearby. But Lars Ulrich isn’t alone when it comes to being angry. Oh no, he is part of a band called Metallica with three other angry middle aged balding men. Maybe their belts are on too tight? It isn’t clear if tomato ketchup, pandas or cacti add to his anger, but we know one thing that does - illegal downloading! Mention that to Lars and he’ll knock you into the future. But he appears to be having a change of heart. He’s just admitted to stealing music off the internet.
We all know that Lars Ulrich is an angry man. He's so angry that drumkits literally weep when they know he is nearby. But Lars Ulrich isn’t alone when it comes to being angry. Oh no, he is part of a band called Metallica with three other angry middle aged balding men. Maybe their belts are on too tight? It isn’t clear if tomato ketchup, pandas or cacti add to his anger, but we know one thing that does - illegal downloading! Mention that to Lars and he’ll knock you into the future. But he appears to be having a change of heart. He’s just admitted to stealing music off the internet.
Michael Jackson’s Fans Are Even More Mental Than He Is
A guest blog by Stuart Waterman from My Chemical Toilet... Last week saw Michael Jackson finally announce his live comeback, with a string of ten shows at London's O2. Those are the bare facts, but as with everything involving Michael Jackson there was a whole screaming funfair of blazing mentalism surrounding the five-minute 'press conference'. One man actually flew from the Americas to London just to see Michael Jackson wave and talk for five minutes. You'd hope there were a couple of decent movies being shown on the plane over, but if all he got was Bride Wars and Leprechaun 4: In Space it kind of serves him right. Because if there's one incontrovertible fact I've learned from writing a music blog, it's that Michael Jackson fans are so collectively brainshagged that they could almost be mistaken for trying to outcrazy their idol in order to make him appear more normal.
A guest blog by Stuart Waterman from My Chemical Toilet... Last week saw Michael Jackson finally announce his live comeback, with a string of ten shows at London's O2. Those are the bare facts, but as with everything involving Michael Jackson there was a whole screaming funfair of blazing mentalism surrounding the five-minute 'press conference'. One man actually flew from the Americas to London just to see Michael Jackson wave and talk for five minutes. You'd hope there were a couple of decent movies being shown on the plane over, but if all he got was Bride Wars and Leprechaun 4: In Space it kind of serves him right. Because if there's one incontrovertible fact I've learned from writing a music blog, it's that Michael Jackson fans are so collectively brainshagged that they could almost be mistaken for trying to outcrazy their idol in order to make him appear more normal.
