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Music News

50 Cent: Doesn’t Like His Job And Probably Going To Die Soon

by Mof Gimmers

When 50 Cent released an album called ‘Get Rich Or Die Tryin”, no-one really suspected that what he actually meant was, at some point, he’d get so bored of being a rapper that he’d just give up living. We’re not talking about suicide here, rather, just the complete lack of will to stay alive. He’s [...]

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Elton John Wants Justin Timberlake For Biopic (Stop Laughing)

by Mof Gimmers

Sir Elton John, formerly bald, is planning to make a film about his life. And boy what a life! All that having sex and taking drugs! The travelling around the world! The outfits! That bit when he wrote that song. The trips to the hairdressers too! Amazing. And so, talking about this flick, Elt’ has [...]

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Pink Floyd To Reform This Summer, Which Is Awful News

by Mof Gimmers

Pedestrian noodle-rockers, Pink Floyd, are going to stop bickering pointlessly with each other just long enough to play some music together because, clearly, someone in the ranks is feeling the pinch of a giant mortgage payment. That, or they’re just too needy for huge amounts of cloying sycophancy which will inevitably greet each week-long guitar [...]

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Cee Lo Green Causes Outrage By Changing The Already Awful Lyrics To Lennon’s ‘Imagine’

by Mof Gimmers

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is a pretty lousy song. Sure, it is still massively popular today, but then again, so is war and racism. Numbers and time multiplied doesn’t necessarily show the inherent quality of something. Either way, that doesn’t stop people being precious about it and today, various arms are being thrown into the air [...]

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Chris Brown Allowed Back To The Grammys Following His Fisting Incident With Rihanna

by Matthew Laidlow

Bugger. A new year is nearly upon us which means award ceremonies will soon be in full swing. February will see Adele win every award she’s nominated for at The Brits because quantity of sales rules over quality of music these days. The Brit awards are so dull that the most mind shattering event to [...]

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Singing Intruder Lets Coldplay’s Chris Martin Know What It Feels Like For The Rest Of Us

by Mof Gimmers

You know what it’s like. You’re minding your own business, doing absolutely nothing wrong and then, KAPOW! Some awful Coldplay song barges into your subconscious while being used as an aspirational bit on some dreary television show. It simply isn’t fair. However, thanks to a singing intruder (there clearly should be more ‘singing intruders’… it [...]

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Jessie J Warns Of A ‘Lot More Pain’ On Next Album… For Anyone Who Hears It, Presumably

by Mof Gimmers

No Frills Natasha Bedingfield (yes, we understand the gravity of that set-up) Jessie J has blighted our ears with her hysterical shrieking and needless runs and vocal gymnastics throughout 2011, wobbling around on her plaster-casted foot, determined to tell us how REAL she is. Real enough to carve it into your arm and then go [...]

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Lady GaGa Is Giving Everyone A Christmas Present – Other Celebs Proven To Be Tight Fisted

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Celebrities! What are you giving us plebs for Christmas? No. We don’t want individual gifts from you. That would be stupid. We want something though because, if you didn’t know, Lady GaGa has got us all something. Yeah. You heard, you tight-fisted, mean-spirited scrooges. You have all that money and time, and what? You’re [...]

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Top Trumps: The Donald Lays Claim To Gaga’s Career

by Kris Silver

Donald Trump is a man of many talents; he pioneered the modern day comb over, he discovered that President Obama was actually a Senegalese street cleaner called Babacar Ousamane, causing him to resign from the Presidency and is rumoured to have been the man who killed Kim Jong-il, with a Chuck Norris style roundhouse. But [...]

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Paul McCartney To Do ‘Standards’ Album Because He’s Officially Out Of Good Ideas

by Mof Gimmers

Paul McCartney is bringing a new album out. There’s a phrase that hasn’t caused too much excitement since Wings were knee-high to a grasshopper. Unless, of course, you’re a bloated Beatle fanatic who is unable to hear any criticism against any of the Fabs. Ever. Unless it’s Ringo. The fact remains, Macca is going to [...]

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