From the category archives:

Music News

Is Justin Bieber Harvesting The Organs Of Children?

by Mof Gimmers

There’s always been something incredibly sinister about Justin Bieber. Anyone who is paraded around like a prepubescent monkey eunuch should fill any right-minded person with the dread of a thousand bailiffs. The very fact no-one seems to mind a performing menstrual period is of great concern, especially given that Bieber is clearly using his power [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Rihanna Gives You Another Reason To Hate Her

by Lady Robotnik

Though famous for making excellent life choices, Rihanna has made one more – by getting a set of hideous tattoos. Most female celebrity tattoos look like they were purchased with a Groupon voucher and inked by Micheal J Fox post-Parkinson’s. Rihanna’s are no exception. The never-knowingly-dressed starlet has got the words ‘Thug Life’ inked on [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Mick Jagger Hates David Cameron But Likes Counting Beans

by Mof Gimmers

Mick Jagger, a man with a face like a thousand ballsacks, is no political football! Nosiree! He doesn’t like to be aligned to any party, mainly because he knows that its not in his interests to side with anyone, lest he lose a bunch of fans. With that, he doesn’t like Prime Minister David Cameron [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Forget The Oscar Nominations! The Libertines Have A Documentary Coming Out!

by Matthew Laidlow

Why do people care about The Oscars? The winners get a lousy statue that resembles a gold-plated bottle of bubble bath with a screw top head. Hollywood has run out of ideas and has realised that the game is up, badly remaking Japanese films and adapting stupid books. But Generation Yoof won’t care about classic [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Whitney Houston Is Broke: Believes Children Are Future, Not Financial Investment

by Mof Gimmers

Whitney Houston has had a GIGANTIC amount of MONSTROUSLY LARGE hits. That one off the Bodyguard where she looks like she’s defecating in a forest for the key-change in the video. That one where she had a blonde perm. It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay. Of course, there’s that one where she said that she [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Drake Proves To Be World’s Lamest Rapper As He Cries About Snow

by Mof Gimmers

Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he’s the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him. And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

The Olympics Recruit Hip New Musical Talent In The Form Of Paul McCartney

by Matthew Laidlow

The year 2012, what exactly does it mean to you? For enthusiasts of time, calendars and dates, 2012 means a leap year! That’s right, it isn’t one of those run of the mill 365 day occasions. Instead, we get an extra day that normally doesn’t exist! Roll on February 29th! And this year, thuggish England [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Gary Glitter Is On His Computer Again, Causing Trouble And Upsetting Everyone

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when they hung Gary Glitter on Channel 4? That was nice wasn’t it? Alas, for you pitchfork wielders, it was a work of fiction and Glitter is actually alive and well and causing trouble on twitter. Apparently, the twitter account (not yet verified, so invariably a hoax) says that the disgraced glamster will be [...]

5 comments Read more >>>

Adele’s New Boyfriend Quite Possibly Married To Someone Else

by hecklerspray staff

The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife. As if it wasn’t enough that she can’t get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she’s had to [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Rihanna Back With Chris Brown For Round 2 Of Listening To ‘Smack My Bitch Up’?

by Mof Gimmers

Guess what?! It’s nearly February 8th! What does that mean? Well, that date marks the three-year anniversary of Chris Brown punching ten shades out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna! Ain’t that grand? It really is. The whole world came together like knuckles on eye-socket on that day. And there’s more! See, despite previously being forcibly separated [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →