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Pete Doherty In ‘Syringe Blood Camera Squirt Yuckfest’

by Stuart Heritage

That Pete Doherty is a classy guy, isn’t he? And such an icon, too, what with all those drugs and arrests and being a needy hopeless moron and everything. You’ll never guess what crazy japes he’s been getting to lately.

As a possible response to Bang Bang You’re Dead by Dirty Pretty Things – featuring most of his old band – Pete Doherty recently snuck a syringe into an interview and played Squirt Squirt You’re Covered In What’s Probably My Manky Blood with an MTV crew and camera.

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Downright Dynamite Downloads Of The Week: Treble Charger, Snow Patrol, Dead Meadow…

by Shawn Lindseth

We like music much. We think these music super good. These songs you maybe like. You find tracks, we no have legal authority give them to you.

This week featuring too hot recommends from Treble Charger, Ike and Tina Turner, Erin McKeown, Snow Patrol, Dead Meadow, and Tegan & Sara…

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Win Download Tickets And Enough Snickers To Make You Pop

by Stuart Heritage

FREE STUFF ALERT! Here’s your chance to win a pair of tickets for Saturday at the Download Festival 2006 on June 10th. And if you don’t win the tickets, you may very well win a T-shirt or 48 Snickers bars instead.

Download looks like it’s going to be the hairiest, scariest festival around this year. Saturday alone features sets by Metallica, Korn, Alice In Chains, Secret Machines and the fantastically-named :( . And then there’s the Snickers Bowl…

The Snickers Bowl sounds terrifying. It’s the size of an Olympic swimming pool, twice as deep as an Olympic swimming pool and quite a lot fuller of pro skateboarders and BMX riders than an Olympic swimming pool. Names like Rune Glifberg, Renton Millar and Koji Kraft are all going to be there too, frightening the life out of a big crowd of Download spectators. And playing the Snickers Bowl Stage at Download will be a whole raft of emerging rock talent like Gay For Johnny Depp, Sintuition, Get Cape Wear cape Fly, Get Amped, Streetlight Youth, Viking Skull, Betty Curse and Evergrey. It sounds a bit bloody ace if you ask us.

What? Oh yes, the competition. OK, for your chance to win a couple of tickets to Download Saturday, a T-shirt or enough Snickers bars to have to vomiting nutty chocolate until Christmas, you need to go to www.downloadfestival.co.uk/snickers and answer a question so easy that even your Nan could have a pretty good stab at it. Good luck!

FREE STUFF ALERT! Here's your chance to win a pair of tickets for Saturday at the Download Festival 2006 on June 10th. And if you don't win the tickets, you may very well win a T-shirt or 48 Snickers bars instead. Download looks like it's going to be the hairiest, scariest festival around this year. Saturday alone features sets by Metallica, Korn, Alice In Chains, Secret Machines and the fantastically-named :(. And then there's the Snickers Bowl... The Snickers Bowl sounds terrifying. It's the size of an Olympic swimming pool, twice as deep as an Olympic swimming pool and quite a lot fuller of pro skateboarders and BMX riders than an Olympic swimming pool. Names like Rune Glifberg, Renton Millar and Koji Kraft are all going to be there too, frightening the life out of a big crowd of Download spectators. And playing the Snickers Bowl Stage at Download will be a whole raft of emerging rock talent like Gay For Johnny Depp, Sintuition, Get Cape Wear cape Fly, Get Amped, Streetlight Youth, Viking Skull, Betty Curse and Evergrey. It sounds a bit bloody ace if you ask us. What? Oh yes, the competition. OK, for your chance to win a couple of tickets to Download Saturday, a T-shirt or enough Snickers bars to have to vomiting nutty chocolate until Christmas, you need to go to www.downloadfestival.co.uk/snickers and answer a question so easy that even your Nan could have a pretty good stab at it. Good luck!
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Now DMX Gets Busted At Heathrow Too

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve always had a deep distrust of Heathrow Airport – they carpet the walls, for Christ’s sake – but we’re just common or garden bloggers. Now, if we were rappers, we’d really distrust that goddamn airport.

It’s only been days since Snoop Dogg was arrested at Heathrow Airport for reportedly throwing a strop and then smashing up a load of booze – and now another rapper has been collared. This time the target of the police’s attention was our old friend DMX, who was arrested because he really, really hates seatbelts.

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Uri Geller Buys Elvis Presley’s Gaff

by Stuart Heritage

Uri Geller is the world’s most famous bender. And, judging by the purchase he recently made, Uri Geller is also one of the world’s richest benders too – he’s just bought a house belonging to Elvis.

Not Graceland, obviously – not even Uri Geller can melt enough brains to swing that – but the ranch-style home that Elvis Presley lived in before he moved to Graceland. Why did Uri Geller buy an old Elvis gaff? Why don’t you mumble some gibberish about energy and power and numbers in a silly voice – you’d be surprisingly close.

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Wailer Loses Royalty Lawsuit, 52 Kids Go Hungry

by Stuart Heritage

Aston ‘Familyman’ Barrett has many things going for him; he played bass on some of the most important pieces of music of the last 100 years and – with 52 kids – he probably has the most powerful sperm in the universe.

But there’s some things that Aston ‘Familyman’ Barrett just doesn’t have; like the £60 million in unpaid royalties that he was suing Bob Marley’s estate and Island Records for. Aston lost the case yesterday, so it’ll be lumps of coal and a satsuma for each of his kids this Christmas and not the PSPs and Gooey Louie games that they were hoping for.

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Geri Halliwell Has Baby After Being Split Open By Man With Knife (Or Scalpal)

by Shawn Lindseth

There’s a baby explosion in Hollywood, And Geri ‘Quit while you’re ahead’ Halliwell is jumpin’ on that bandwagon.

Geri’s old friend Posh has been at the baby game for years, popping out foetus’ like clowns from a clown car. Well Ginger need envy no more. She’s all done being knockered up, and has cranked out her very first kid. And even though she’s always had more than ample birthing hips, she opted for a cesarian.

Yeah – who saw that one coming?

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Thom Yorke To Wail On His Own For A Bit

by Stuart Heritage

When it comes to posh wonky-eyed, vaguely political, proggish depressotunes that sound a bit like Travis, everyone’s first port of call should be Radiohead. But Thom Yorke is going it alone for a bit.

One of these facts about the Thom Yorke solo project is false: 1) The Thom Yorke solo songs were produced by long-term Radiohead desk wizard Nigel Godrich, 2) One of the Thom Yorke solo songs will play at the end of the new Keanu Reeves flick, 3) The first Thom Yorke solo single will be a uptempo ragga cover of I Got Five On It by Luniz…

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Watch The Ice Cube Why We Thugs Video

by Stuart Heritage

Ice Cube, make no mistake, has made some dreadful dreadful films. Anaconda, xXx 2, Are We There Yet?, Barbershop… a collection of perfect ways to spend a hellish evening in.

But the thing about Ice Cube is that he rapped on Straight Outta Compton, so we can forgive him a lot. And Ice Cube music – thank Christ – isn’t nearly as bad as Ice Cube movies. So that means we can approach Why We Thugs with a little more confidence than we can with Next Friday.

What’s Why We Thugs by Ice Cube like? It’s actually pretty good, in a 1992 G-Funk kinda way. Not that we could make out any of the lyrics, though – Ice Cube’s frantic potty mouth ensure that most of the words are blanked out. “Call me an animal up in the system,” Ice Cube raps on Why We Thugs. OK Ice Cube you, er, animal up in the system. But now’s your chance to judge it for yourself – we’ve got the Why We Thugs video by Ice Cube for you to watch today.

And, by the way, it’s Why ARE We Thugs, Ice Cube. Bad grammar is wack.

Watch the Ice Cube Why We Thugs video now

Ice Cube, make no mistake, has made some dreadful dreadful films. Anaconda, xXx 2, Are We There Yet?, Barbershop... a collection of perfect ways to spend a hellish evening in. But the thing about Ice Cube is that he rapped on Straight Outta Compton, so we can forgive him a lot. And Ice Cube music - thank Christ - isn't nearly as bad as Ice Cube movies. So that means we can approach Why We Thugs with a little more confidence than we can with Next Friday. What's Why We Thugs by Ice Cube like? It's actually pretty good, in a 1992 G-Funk kinda way. Not that we could make out any of the lyrics, though - Ice Cube's frantic potty mouth ensure that most of the words are blanked out. "Call me an animal up in the system," Ice Cube raps on Why We Thugs. OK Ice Cube you, er, animal up in the system. But now's your chance to judge it for yourself - we've got the Why We Thugs video by Ice Cube for you to watch today. And, by the way, it's Why ARE We Thugs, Ice Cube. Bad grammar is wack. Watch the Ice Cube Why We Thugs video now
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Ashlee Simpson’s Nose: Surgeon Finishes What God Started But Then Left Unsightly

by Shawn Lindseth

It’s tough to be ugly in Hollywood, just ask Sarah Jessica Parker. It’s especially bad when your nose is visually unnerving, just ask Sarah Jessica Parker.

But this isn’t her article – no! This one is about Ashley Simpson, and how she probably chopped off a ghastly section of her nose in the past few months. You know what section of nose we’re talking about. It was that part that looked like a wise man’s single humped camel got lost on her face while following the Christmas star.

Well that wise man’s camel appears to be gone now. Several rumors we’re only now inventing have it that Ashley’s sister Jessica now wears the scooped-out nasal chunklet on a golden chain around her neck. It’s on there with her wedding ring, and it too, doles out strength and inspiration.

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