From the category archives:

Music News

Live Earth Rio Falls To Pieces

by Stuart Heritage

This weekend’s Live Earth concerts were supposed to be a truly global effort, a moment when everyone on the planet could come together as one and collectively say “Gosh, it really is rather warm at the moment don’t you think?”

But ever so slowly Live Earth appears to be unravelling. Although the big Live Earth claim was that there’d be a concert held in each continent so that everyone could be made aware of the very real dangers of climate change – or at least so all the carbon that the Live Earth concerts pump out would destroy the environment in a more balanced way – that’s not likely to be the case any more. The South American leg of Live Earth in Rio de Janeiro has been suspended because there aren’t enough police officers to guarantee everyone’s safety. Probably a wise move, since the Rio Live Earth headline act was going to be Lenny Kravitz, and we can’t be the only ones who want to lash out with knives the instant that we hear his music.

This weekend's Live Earth concerts were supposed to be a truly global effort, a moment when everyone on the planet could come together as one and collectively say "Gosh, it really is rather warm at the moment don't you think?" But ever so slowly Live Earth appears to be unravelling. Although the big Live Earth claim was that there'd be a concert held in each continent so that everyone could be made aware of the very real dangers of climate change - or at least so all the carbon that the Live Earth concerts pump out would destroy the environment in a more balanced way - that's not likely to be the case any more. The South American leg of Live Earth in Rio de Janeiro has been suspended because there aren't enough police officers to guarantee everyone's safety. Probably a wise move, since the Rio Live Earth headline act was going to be Lenny Kravitz, and we can't be the only ones who want to lash out with knives the instant that we hear his music.
0 comments Read more >>>

Avril Lavigne Sued For Apparently Pinching Other Bad Songs

by Stuart Heritage

Although you’re flattered that Avril Lavigne said she thinks your girlfriend is crap and that she’d be a better girlfriend than your current girlfriend in her song – we forget what it’s called – don’t be, because Avril’s ideas might not be her own.

It’s being reported that Avril Lavigne is being sued by a songwriter who claims that Avril Lavigne’s hit single Girlfriend was stolen from one of his old songs. Although Avril Lavigne and her management deny this claim completely, it doesn’t stop us from being surprised by a couple of things: 1) Who’d actually want to admit that they wrote Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne in the first place? What sort of compensation does this songwriter expect? A thump in the gob? Also, 2) the song that it’s claimed Avril Lavigne stole for Girlfriend is a song other than Hey Mickey. Wonders will never cease.

Although you're flattered that Avril Lavigne said she thinks your girlfriend is crap and that she'd be a better girlfriend than your current girlfriend in her song - we forget what it's called - don't be, because Avril's ideas might not be her own. It's being reported that Avril Lavigne is being sued by a songwriter who claims that Avril Lavigne's hit single Girlfriend was stolen from one of his old songs. Although Avril Lavigne and her management deny this claim completely, it doesn't stop us from being surprised by a couple of things: 1) Who'd actually want to admit that they wrote Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne in the first place? What sort of compensation does this songwriter expect? A thump in the gob? Also, 2) the song that it's claimed Avril Lavigne stole for Girlfriend is a song other than Hey Mickey. Wonders will never cease.
30 comments Read more >>>

Princess Diana Gets Some Sort Of Concert Done

by Stuart Heritage

Like many people, we spent most of yesterday hiding under our desk terrified that someone would drive a flaming jeep through our first-floor window, but apparently some other people went and saw a concert about Princess Diana instead.

Yesterday 60,000 middle-aged women put down their Princess Diana As An Angel tapestries and went along to Wembley Stadium to celebrate Princess Diana’s 46th birthday at the Princess Diana Tribute concert. Acts from around the world, like Duran Duran, Elton John, that boy that won the Joseph programme and Orson, came together to a) remember all that Princess Diana achieved in her life, b) give their album sales a nice little boost and c) try as hard as humanly possible not to make any jokes about bulimia or car crashes, lest they incur the wrath of 60,000 really ticked off Daily Express readers.

Like many people, we spent most of yesterday hiding under our desk terrified that someone would drive a flaming jeep through our first-floor window, but apparently some other people went and saw a concert about Princess Diana instead. Yesterday 60,000 middle-aged women put down their Princess Diana As An Angel tapestries and went along to Wembley Stadium to celebrate Princess Diana's 46th birthday at the Princess Diana Tribute concert. Acts from around the world, like Duran Duran, Elton John, that boy that won the Joseph programme and Orson, came together to a) remember all that Princess Diana achieved in her life, b) give their album sales a nice little boost and c) try as hard as humanly possible not to make any jokes about bulimia or car crashes, lest they incur the wrath of 60,000 really ticked off Daily Express readers.
16 comments Read more >>>

Prince Pisses Off The Entire Music Industry

by Matthew Laidlow

Everyone knows that nowadays it can be quite hard to find something that you really want for a cheap affordable price.

There’s no shortage of dodgy dealers on eBay selling off brand new goods for 50% off the recommended price. We aren’t that stupid, though, we’d rather much ride our luck by visiting random websites and amazingly being the 1,000,000th visitor. It happens quite a lot to us, we must be lucky or summin. While the only free things we receive are wooden forks from the chip shop and pencils from IKEA, hecklerspray does also give. Though unfortunately, it’s usually in the form of genital-eating STDs. Now, Prince doesn’t give his fans STDs, but he has gone one better and decided to give his new album away for free in a future edition of the Mail On Sunday – something which is being frowned upon by the big wigs of the music industry.

Everyone knows that nowadays it can be quite hard to find something that you really want for a cheap affordable price. There’s no shortage of dodgy dealers on eBay selling off brand new goods for 50% off the recommended price. We aren’t that stupid, though, we’d rather much ride our luck by visiting random websites and amazingly being the 1,000,000th visitor. It happens quite a lot to us, we must be lucky or summin. While the only free things we receive are wooden forks from the chip shop and pencils from IKEA, hecklerspray does also give. Though unfortunately, it’s usually in the form of genital-eating STDs. Now, Prince doesn’t give his fans STDs, but he has gone one better and decided to give his new album away for free in a future edition of the Mail On Sunday - something which is being frowned upon by the big wigs of the music industry.
5 comments Read more >>>

The Spice Girls: That Soul-Destroying Comeback In Full

by Stuart Heritage

The Spice Girls are something of an anachronism – after all, if anyone wants to be entertained by five not especially pretty women clumping around a stage like a gang of age-worn hookers now, they can just go and see The Pussycat Dolls.

But that didn’t stop the Spice Girls from confirming the one thing that the whole world already knew yesterday – the Spice Girls have reunited. At the end of the year all five of the Spice Girls – Lardy Spice, Stupidly Fake-Breasted Spice, Annoying Spice, Annoying Spice and Baby Spice – will get together for world tour that will last just over a month, take in 11 cities in eight different countries, see a Christmas-friendly Spice Girls Greatest Hits album released to accompany it and earn the Spice Girls a reported £10 million each. With that sort of money in their pockets, the Spice Girls could then be able to retire forever. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on our part.

The Spice Girls are something of an anachronism - after all, if anyone wants to be entertained by five not especially pretty women clumping around a stage like a gang of age-worn hookers now, they can just go and see The Pussycat Dolls. But that didn't stop the Spice Girls from confirming the one thing that the whole world already knew yesterday - the Spice Girls have reunited. At the end of the year all five of the Spice Girls - Lardy Spice, Stupidly Fake-Breasted Spice, Annoying Spice, Annoying Spice and Baby Spice - will get together for world tour that will last just over a month, take in 11 cities in eight different countries, see a Christmas-friendly Spice Girls Greatest Hits album released to accompany it and earn the Spice Girls a reported £10 million each. With that sort of money in their pockets, the Spice Girls could then be able to retire forever. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on our part.
7 comments Read more >>>

Spice Girls To Reform & There’s Nothing You Can Do

by Stuart Heritage

It’s probably not an overstatement to say that the Spice Girls were The Beatles of average-looking, questionably-talented, ruthlessly-marketed lowest common denominator forgettable pop music – and now the Spice Girls are back!

Well they’re not back yet, but from midday today the Spice Girls are back! All of the Spice Girls – Dumpy Spice, Depressed Spice, Uppity Spice, Overbearing Spice and Slaggy Spice – are about to hold a joint press conference in London’s O2 Arena where it’s expected that they’re going to announce the return of The Spice Girls, for one album and six concerts only. Of course, all the speculation could be wrong – the Spice Girls could just as easily be announcing that they’ve kidnapped a vanload of children and they’re going to drive it into a lake unless people start taking their solo careers seriously again – but we’ll just have to wait and see.

It's probably not an overstatement to say that the Spice Girls were The Beatles of average-looking, questionably-talented, ruthlessly-marketed lowest common denominator forgettable pop music - and now the Spice Girls are back! Well they're not back yet, but from midday today the Spice Girls are back! All of the Spice Girls - Dumpy Spice, Depressed Spice, Uppity Spice, Overbearing Spice and Slaggy Spice - are about to hold a joint press conference in London's O2 Arena where it's expected that they're going to announce the return of The Spice Girls, for one album and six concerts only. Of course, all the speculation could be wrong - the Spice Girls could just as easily be announcing that they've kidnapped a vanload of children and they're going to drive it into a lake unless people start taking their solo careers seriously again - but we'll just have to wait and see.
4 comments Read more >>>

Now The Verve Reform, Hundreds Rejoice

by Matthew Laidlow

Keeping up with the constant ongoing trends that will delight handfuls of deluded fans, yet another band from the nineties has decided to plug their guitars back in.

It can only be everyone’s favourite band from Manchester after Oasis, The Smiths and Doves. Of course it can only be The Verve, led by miserable-looking git, Richard Ashcroft. Hecklerspray aims to start a campaign to name 2007 the Chinese year of past-it bands that everyone was glad to see the back of reforming because they’ve spent all their money on cocaine, booze, women or a combination of all three.

9 comments Read more >>>

Ringo Starr Goes Digital, World Rejoices

by Stuart Heritage

When Paul McCartney recently released his back catalogue onto digital formats, everyone knew that it was a harbinger for even more stupendous news, and now that news is here – Ringo Starr’s solo back-catalogue is finally ready to go digital!

Finally our lives will be complete. Every day since MP3s were invented we’ve howled in agony because we haven’t had the chance to pay 79p to hear Ringo Starr masterpieces like Coochy Coochy, Snookeroo and Gypsies In Flight. But now the wait is finally over – Ringo Starr has agreed to a deal putting his 1970s hit albums Ringo and Beaucoups Of Blues, along with a new Best Of compilation album, online across all digital music platforms. Rumours that this deal is worth in excess of £3.50, half a packet of Fruitella and several colourful ribbons are yet to be confirmed, but sound a little far-fetched at the moment.

When Paul McCartney recently released his back catalogue onto digital formats, everyone knew that it was a harbinger for even more stupendous news, and now that news is here - Ringo Starr's solo back-catalogue is finally ready to go digital! Finally our lives will be complete. Every day since MP3s were invented we've howled in agony because we haven't had the chance to pay 79p to hear Ringo Starr masterpieces like Coochy Coochy, Snookeroo and Gypsies In Flight. But now the wait is finally over - Ringo Starr has agreed to a deal putting his 1970s hit albums Ringo and Beaucoups Of Blues, along with a new Best Of compilation album, online across all digital music platforms. Rumours that this deal is worth in excess of £3.50, half a packet of Fruitella and several colourful ribbons are yet to be confirmed, but sound a little far-fetched at the moment.
2 comments Read more >>>

Kelly Clarkson Sacks Off Her Own Tour

by Stuart Heritage

In the world of the TV talent show there’s no greater star than Kelly Clarkson, which isn’t really saying a lot since hardly anyone can be arsed to go and watch her sing live any more.

Kelly Clarkson – inaugural American Idol winner, star of multi award-winning box office tour de force From Kelly To Justin and performer of hits like Since U Been Gone and, um, probably some others – has just cancelled her American tour. Why? Well, Kelly Clarkson says that the pressure of touring is “just too much” for her, that’s why. Oh, and she’s sold pretty much zero tickets too. But don’t worry, because Kelly Clarkson is bound to bounce back soon enough with that album that everyone from her record company hates so much.

14 comments Read more >>>

Farm Aid Banjo-Doodies To New York

by Stuart Heritage

New York City is world-famous for its farming – who could forget that episode of Sex And The City where Kim Cattrall said that pasturage rotation was like men, or the memorable moment on NYPD Blue when Arthur Fancy wanked off a pig?

OK, so New York probably isn’t the farming capital of the universe, but that’s not going to stop Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp and Neil Young from hosting the first ever Farm Aid New York concert in September. Farm Aid New York will strive to highlight the need for more organic food, sustainable practises and efficient energy sources in today’s modern world of agriculture. It’s thought that the anthem of Farm Aid New York will be a re-written version of Frank Sinatra’s New York New York that’ll feature the line “Start spreadin’ the news/ I’m using mechanisation and computer technology coupled with intensive crop management as a substitute to chemicals in an attempt to reduce my the use of herbicides, fungicides and insecticides in comparison to conventional farming methodologies.”

New York City is world-famous for its farming - who could forget that episode of Sex And The City where Kim Cattrall said that pasturage rotation was like men, or the memorable moment on NYPD Blue when Arthur Fancy wanked off a pig? OK, so New York probably isn't the farming capital of the universe, but that's not going to stop Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp and Neil Young from hosting the first ever Farm Aid New York concert in September. Farm Aid New York will strive to highlight the need for more organic food, sustainable practises and efficient energy sources in today's modern world of agriculture. It's thought that the anthem of Farm Aid New York will be a re-written version of Frank Sinatra's New York New York that'll feature the line "Start spreadin' the news/ I'm using mechanisation and computer technology coupled with intensive crop management as a substitute to chemicals in an attempt to reduce my the use of herbicides, fungicides and insecticides in comparison to conventional farming methodologies."
0 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →