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Music News

Adele’s New Boyfriend Quite Possibly Married To Someone Else

by hecklerspray staff

The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife. As if it wasn’t enough that she can’t get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she’s had to [...]

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Rihanna Back With Chris Brown For Round 2 Of Listening To ‘Smack My Bitch Up’?

by Mof Gimmers

Guess what?! It’s nearly February 8th! What does that mean? Well, that date marks the three-year anniversary of Chris Brown punching ten shades out of his then-girlfriend Rihanna! Ain’t that grand? It really is. The whole world came together like knuckles on eye-socket on that day. And there’s more! See, despite previously being forcibly separated [...]

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Bruno Mars Cleared Of Cocaine Charges: Should’ve Got The Chair

by Mof Gimmers

There is no-one more hateful on planet Earth than Bruno Mars. Absolutely everything about him is odious to the point of a year-long continuous vomit. And yet, there’s people out there who are determined to keep him in the public eye. His songs are played, his stupid goofy expression keeps appearing on our televisions and [...]

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Beyonce Is Looking A Bit White These Days – MLK Would Be Proud!

by hecklerspray staff

Skin’s nice, isn’t it? The biggest organ of all the other organs in your body, according to the internet (though our liver is probably jostling for that accolade), and really good for when you want to stop your other, smaller, organs from falling out and making a mess on the carpet. Its also pretty good [...]

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Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

by Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you stuff the canal with [...]

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Video Of 12 Year Old Kanye West Emerges Doing Poem (He’s Not As Good As He Used To Be)

by Mof Gimmers

Kanye West is not a talented rapper. Sure, he’s great at getting heard, getting famous and coming up with mad-schemes to stay in the limelight, but he’s rapping… let us just say he’s a slower wordsmith than Turbo B from Snap! Still, an attention-seeker always gets attention. And it appears that he’s always been like [...]

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Steven Tyler Wants You To Lose Your Lunch By Talking About Sex

by Mof Gimmers

Imagine a long, slender sliver of beef jerky. Now, imagine it is covered entirely in human scarring. Imagine it twitching and yelping. Imagine the greasy residue it leaves on the counter as it moves from side-to-side. You’re imagining Steven Tyler having sex! Well done you! And look! There’s some erupting acid-reflux! See, Steven Tyler (the [...]

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Avril Lavigne Now Almost Entirely Pointless Now That She’s Single

by Mof Gimmers

Befanged, alt.lifestyle tourist, Avril Lavigne, long ago decided that being a skatergirl wasn’t for her because acne, greasy hair and ill-fitting jeans wasn’t at all attractive. And so, she promptly went mental, spat at some photographers and became airbrushed. Losing her raison d’être, she tottered off into some pop-twilight, only getting column inches for her [...]

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Z-Shaped, Tasteless Losers Rejoice At New Material From Suede!

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Suede? That’s right. They were a vaguely noisy band with an obsession with Bowie and women’s blouses. They were at the forefront of Britpop and, for the most part, Britpop was rubbish. So thanks for that. Apparently, they’ll be making a comeback. Just great. Of course, there’s a plethora of middle-aged men with pink [...]

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Azealia Banks Samples Aaliyah On Pretty Boring New Song (Listen Here!)

by Mof Gimmers

Azealia Banks is attractive, ballsy and is responsible for some outrageously fun tunes. 212 was a thrilling slice of pop which had one of the filthiest refrains in memory. And now, a new track is online (which you can hear below) which samples Aaliyah! And so, talented newbie samples RnB legend? What could possibly go [...]

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