From the category archives:
Do The Beatles hate people in wheelchairs? John Lennon was always ‘spazzing’ during the Fab Four’s shows in the 60s wasn’t he? Is there some kind of ablist agenda with the group? Surely not? Surely that can’t be right?
Executives at Apple Corps, which is the company set up by the assorted members of Mop Tops, have taken up a dispute with a load of wheelchairs.
And the wheelchairs didn’t stand a chance in the face of the might that is The Most Famous Band Who Ever Lived.
Snoop Dogg likes to smoke a little of that sticky icky icky. We know this because he talks about almost nothing else. Remarkably, he hasn’t proclaimed a fondness for reggae yet, so the rapper has decided to create yet another ode to weed by announcing that he’s making a reggae LP with Diplo.
Yes, really.
It’ll be all blunts-this, chong-that… light-’em-up and gorging on as many packets of 10p crisps at the 24 hour garage as he can.
The bloke who used to be the drummer in The Libertines (no-one cares what his name is) is hoping that a new Libertines film called There Are No Innocent Bystanders will allow people see the band in a different light.
Of course, any right minded person will find out when the screenings are for this film and do us all a massive favour and burn down the screens and everyone in there, who have decided to watch this document of the world’s biggest syphilitic nincompoops.
If there’s one thing worse than Pete Doherty & Co, its the awful, awful, awful fans.
Madonna was at the top of the pop tree for so long that she got bloated. She indulged in dumb mysticism and since then, made some flabby pop albums and looked so very, very old and infirm.
Of course, an old and infirm Madonna is still much better value than a thousand Rihanna’s, but something interesting happened in the shape of Lady GaGa.
Basically, GaGa reminded Madge what she was supposed to be. And in Her Madgesty’s latest video – Girls Gone Wild – you can see how GaGa has influenced Madonna, who influenced GaGa in the first place. It’s a circle jerk that’s ended up in the customary VIDEO HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BEING TOO RUDE.
Michael Jackson news has been slightly thin on the ground of late hasn’t it? As far as we know, the Jackson estate has no plans to pump out another batch of supposed special edition albums that are limited to only a thousand million copies.
And because you know hecklerspray will never go out of our way to make inappropriate jokes about Michael’s life for comedy purposes, we promise to restrict this article to only two kiddy touching jokes… and we never lie.
As we all know, the world lost one of the last great remaining singers in June 2009 when his heart did a boogie and went into a fatal cardiac arrest. Since the death of Michael, fans have gone bonkers to get any sort of memorabilia. After all, all his dates at the O2 in London suddenly got pulled seeing as his deceased state stopped him from performing. Now, almost three years on from his passing, the ultimate fan item has become available.
Imagine how hard it is being R Kelly. First off, everyone keeps mentioning the whole urine/minor thing. Then there’s your inner voice that tells you everyone is out to get you… that you’re washed-up. Then there’s the whole Not Understanding Irony Thing.
See, Uncle Kels has forged a career based on some truly wonderful records, coupled with a Dubious Private Life. People love him. It is funny to love R Kelly. Especially when you listen to the lyrics of ‘Shut Up’ or watch the video for ‘Real Talk’.
And of course, his magnus opus is the baffling, hilarious, disturbing, ego-wank that is Trapped In The Closet. And thanks to his lack of insight or foresight, he’s only gone and made a whole load of new episodes of the slopera to deal with some of its ‘mysteries’.
So that’s Blue, Steps, Spice Girls, Take That, No Doubt, 911 (Really?), Soundgarden (Jesus…), ‘Space’ (WHAT) and Babylon Zoo all reunited and back in our hearts once again. For the good of music.
The dream team are back. (Not ‘the Dream Team’ though. Just the idiom.) What an incredibly unexpected blast from the past! What a lovable foray back into 90s kitsch! What a beautifully orchestrated look into the disenfranchised work ethic of the average mid-30s misogynist. Soundgarden. Brilliant.
In case you haven’t realised yet – we don’t know how – maybe you were tired – maybe you woke up in a bunk-bed – maybe you were too busy thinking, “Crikey, it’s great about Space, isn’t it?” Hey. Whatever it was that you ‘had’ to do that made you not walk full pelt into the conclusion – that we are lying. That’s it. We’re liars. We do not think that every band that hit prominence in the late 90s, thus reinforcing the painstakingly dull ebb of a nation’s continued thrusting urgency for cheesy nostalgia, or an excuse to lift Lee Ryan’s restraining order on woodland creatures, vulnerable women and sci-fi is necessarily a good idea. Oh, and we also lied about Babylon Zoo. Sucks to be you right now.
Hey! You know how absolutely EVERYBODY knew that Tulisa was the star of that sex tape? Well guess what? She’s gone and done a video confession.
In fact, her video confession looks like the kind of thing you see on the news when a hostage is pleading for their life… but we digress.
Anyway, if you click over the jump, you can watch her talking about it. Sadly, an engorged member doesn’t hit her on the forehead throughout this one.
