Music Gossip

Fact One: The Jackson 5 don’t blame it on sunshine, moonlight or bad times. They blame it on the boogie.

Fact two: The Carling Academy are bastards for charging nearly six quid for two shots of vodka.

Fact three: Elbow are the most underrated band in the UK.  

With four albums under their belt, Elbow took their latest offering, The Seldom Seen Kid, on the road to showcase a few of the brilliant tracks that are featured on it, alongside mixing in a few older hits.

While talking to a friend who worked at the bar, she uttered the words “I’ve been told there like one of those miserable Radiohead-style bands, so I knew you’d be here tonight.”

Hmm, great that our music tastes have been pinned down, but slightly wrong about Elbow being the soundtrack to a suicidal cult's last few hours on earth.

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Britney Spears is getting ready to launch a new $100 million (that’s £50 million) world-wide comeback tour, according to The News Of The World.

Just recently – just yesterday, in fact - it seemed to all that, like Kurt Cobain and Vincent Van Gogh before her, Britney Spears had reached the end of the line. The feeling was she had nothing left to give - and that all she needed now was one small, gentle push into death’s eternal release. Ahh.

But, unlike like Kurt and Vince before her, she has seemingly decided that she actually does have something more to offer and that she is going to tour the world, giving it out for about $100 dollars a ticket!

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Gloria Daniel, the former girlfriend of former alive funk legend, James Brown, has been talking to GQ magazine about their unbelievably strange sex life.

According to Daniel, “Motherfucker was crazy,” and, “It was the drugs.”

“He tried like hell, though,” she says. “He’d wear you out. That man died trying to come.”

Well, this is joyous news. Nobody likes a drugged-up 70-year-old trying to come more than hecklerspray. And if anybody tries to tell you different, it’s a goddamn lie.

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Singing businessman Jay-Z has finally made an honest woman of his hitherto ho-beau Beyonce Knowles.

According to People.Com, the couple held a private wedding ceremony at Jay-Z's New York apartment yesterday evening, to which only close friends and family were invited.

They didn’t even have the common decency to invite the press. How are we to trust them? What are they so afraid of us seeing? Would we have found out the service was being funded by Jay-Z’s links to nineteenth century slave trade profiteering?

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Zac Efron has given us an insight into what it’s like to be him.

Zac will be making a welcome return to our cinema screens in the autumn with the third installment of Disney’s High School Musical.

But not before telling us just how great being Zac Efron is. He said:  

"I'm loving it. I'm having a blast. I'm in a good place and really excited to be where I am."

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Lindsay Lohan wants to merge the musical styles of Kylie and Rihanna for her upcoming album.

Lindsay Lohan is determined to pursue her music career, according to The Daily Telegraph (of Australia), with Kylie's and Rihanna's back catalogue the inspiration behind her new record. Lohan said:

"I want it to be dance. I want it to be kind of Kylie Minogue meets Rihanna. I hope to tour with it and I hope to really promote it. I've already done three songs. I'm doing my third in New York, actually."

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Ask anyone what they'd least like to happen to them during a court appearance and 'Amy Winehouse turning up late with a weird haircut and loudly screeching her love' would figure pretty high.

But that's what Blake Fielder-Civil had to deal with during a court date on Friday about his assault and perverting the course of justice charges. According to reports, Amy Winehouse staggered in five minutes from the end and started hollering things like "Love you, handsome, gorgeous one!" at the judge like a thing possessed.

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You wanna be in his gang? No thanks, Gary Glitter!

Not only may we be lead into one of your paedophile rings, but we may also be appropriated to suffer a shame-induced acute myocardial infarction at a mere 63 years young, just like your randy, goat-bearded self.

In fact, you and your gang can go and take a jump!

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This morning we woke up in an unusually delicious mood knowing that, by bedtime, Dr Phil would have single-handedly solved all of Britney Spears' crazy problems on his downhome self-help TV show.

It was an exciting thought - that maybe by the time we tucked ourselves up in our one big communal hecklerspray bed (head-to-toe, we're not perverts) - Dr Phil would have restored factory settings on Britney Spears, reverting her back into the Britney we love best, the provocatively-virginal schoolgirl who dressed up in pigtails and a miniskirt and asked grown men to hit her. But sadly that hasn't happened because Dr Phil has cancelled today's scheduled Britney Spears episode as a result, citing pressure from the Spears family.

Lesson learnt, Dr Phil has decided to instead do a show entitled Fine, But Don't Come Running To Me Next Time Your Minge Is All Over The Internet.

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Simon Le Bon has confessed to having 'a fling' for the past 22 years.

But before you think the Duran Duran frontman is a dirty cheat, think again. Because the 'fling' has been with his wife Yasmin.

Le Bon admitted the only thing on his mind when he met the stunning model back in 1984 was a 'quick shag'.

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