Music Gossip

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have spent a weekend away together in Maui, where they chatted about getting back together, the possibility of remarrying and becoming a family again for their two toddlers.

And, according to OK! Magazine, upon their return, Britney presented Kevin with a belated £69,000 30th birthday present.

Sixty-nine thosand pounds! Wow, what did she get him? A small house? A big car? A new and improved genetically modified brain that can come up with better lyrics than: “I’m not your brother, I’m not your uncle, I’m Daddy do, Steppin’ in this game and y’all ain’t got a clue?” Nope, none of those things. Can you guess? That’s right; a watch.

A fucking £69k time-keeping device. Why not just take a look at the position of the sun? It’s completely free of charge!

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The world today is rife with conspiracy theories like never before. There are people out there who believe 9/11 was an inside job. There are people who believe the moon landing was staged.

There are people who think Jay-Z is profiting from the African slave trade. Lily Allen’s Dad believes Princess Diana was murdered and one guy hecklerspray knows thinks badgers are actually midgets crawling around the woods in costume.

And now Alicia Keys says Gangsta Rap was created by the government and the media in an effort to get influential black people to kill each other, so they don’t have to.

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Rumour has it that one single sperm out of the millions and millions found in Jay-Z’s roca-jizz has won the race to fertilize Beyonce’s little ovarian egg.

According to Actress Archives, Beyonce was recently spotted in NYC with her belly seemingly being pushed out from the inside - a phenomenon synonymous with pregnant women. And fat people. And people with hernias. And people with pillows under their shirt.

But, what with the recent out-of-the-blue wedding reports, pregnancy is the most realistic choice and, according to OK! Magazine, a source close to the couple told them:

“I’ve heard from at least two people that Beyonce is pregnant.”

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Neil Patrick Harris has responded to yesterday’s Associated Press article which suggested he would like Britney Spears banned from the set of How I Met Your Mother by saying what he meant to say was that Britney is welcome back anytime!

That’s a bit strange, isn’t it? Why on one day (yesterday) would someone say: “I’m in the minority that our show does not need stunt casting in order to succeed”, and then one day later (today) say: “As I have said all along, Britney did a great job on the show. She really did. In fact, we are all hoping that she returns rather soon to reprise her role as Abby”?

What could have happened to change Neil’s mind so drastically in such a short space of time? Hmmm…

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It’s fair to say that John Lennon was a bit of a musical genius. He and Paul McCartney momentarily stopped nicking cars and Hobnobs from the corner shop to write a whole load of pop tunes. These songs captivated a city, a country and later the whole world.

However, every successful star has a downfall, and he had a couple. But unlike today’s woozy musicians, like the moon crater face bloke from Keane, the copious amounts of drugs he took didn’t knacker him up. Instead, it was a stumpy Japanese woman called Yoko Ono.

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Fact One: The Jackson 5 don’t blame it on sunshine, moonlight or bad times. They blame it on the boogie.

Fact two: The Carling Academy are bastards for charging nearly six quid for two shots of vodka.

Fact three: Elbow are the most underrated band in the UK.  

With four albums under their belt, Elbow took their latest offering, The Seldom Seen Kid, on the road to showcase a few of the brilliant tracks that are featured on it, alongside mixing in a few older hits.

While talking to a friend who worked at the bar, she uttered the words “I’ve been told there like one of those miserable Radiohead-style bands, so I knew you’d be here tonight.”

Hmm, great that our music tastes have been pinned down, but slightly wrong about Elbow being the soundtrack to a suicidal cult's last few hours on earth.

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Britney Spears is getting ready to launch a new $100 million (that’s £50 million) world-wide comeback tour, according to The News Of The World.

Just recently – just yesterday, in fact - it seemed to all that, like Kurt Cobain and Vincent Van Gogh before her, Britney Spears had reached the end of the line. The feeling was she had nothing left to give - and that all she needed now was one small, gentle push into death’s eternal release. Ahh.

But, unlike like Kurt and Vince before her, she has seemingly decided that she actually does have something more to offer and that she is going to tour the world, giving it out for about $100 dollars a ticket!

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Gloria Daniel, the former girlfriend of former alive funk legend, James Brown, has been talking to GQ magazine about their unbelievably strange sex life.

According to Daniel, “Motherfucker was crazy,” and, “It was the drugs.”

“He tried like hell, though,” she says. “He’d wear you out. That man died trying to come.”

Well, this is joyous news. Nobody likes a drugged-up 70-year-old trying to come more than hecklerspray. And if anybody tries to tell you different, it’s a goddamn lie.

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Singing businessman Jay-Z has finally made an honest woman of his hitherto ho-beau Beyonce Knowles.

According to People.Com, the couple held a private wedding ceremony at Jay-Z's New York apartment yesterday evening, to which only close friends and family were invited.

They didn’t even have the common decency to invite the press. How are we to trust them? What are they so afraid of us seeing? Would we have found out the service was being funded by Jay-Z’s links to nineteenth century slave trade profiteering?

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Zac Efron has given us an insight into what it’s like to be him.

Zac will be making a welcome return to our cinema screens in the autumn with the third installment of Disney’s High School Musical.

But not before telling us just how great being Zac Efron is. He said:  

"I'm loving it. I'm having a blast. I'm in a good place and really excited to be where I am."

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Lindsay Lohan wants to merge the musical styles of Kylie and Rihanna for her upcoming album.

Lindsay Lohan is determined to pursue her music career, according to The Daily Telegraph (of Australia), with Kylie's and Rihanna's back catalogue the inspiration behind her new record. Lohan said:

"I want it to be dance. I want it to be kind of Kylie Minogue meets Rihanna. I hope to tour with it and I hope to really promote it. I've already done three songs. I'm doing my third in New York, actually."

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Ask anyone what they'd least like to happen to them during a court appearance and 'Amy Winehouse turning up late with a weird haircut and loudly screeching her love' would figure pretty high.

But that's what Blake Fielder-Civil had to deal with during a court date on Friday about his assault and perverting the course of justice charges. According to reports, Amy Winehouse staggered in five minutes from the end and started hollering things like "Love you, handsome, gorgeous one!" at the judge like a thing possessed.

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