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Movie Gossip

The Muppets Are BRAINWASHING Our Children To Be Simpering Liberals!

by Mof Gimmers

Look. Look at those Muppet swine. Legless, non-blinking, fix-faced idiots. They are responsible for the moral decay of the entire world, thanks mostly to everyone being despairingly angry about the existence of Muppet Babies. Worse than the fact Kermit walks around naked all the time, is their awful, awful agenda. And thank God Fox is [...]

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Taylor Lautner To Be Encased In Wax For Molestation Purposes

by Mof Gimmers

Vacant bundle of grinning sinew, Taylor Lautner, is going to be immortalised in wax at Madame Tussauds. Cue: WE CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE WAXWORK DUMMY AND THE THING THAT STARRED IN ALL THOSE TWILIGHT FILMS comment. In all seriousness, there will be very little to differentiate between the wax Lautner and the real [...]

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Meryl Streep Is Surprisingly Not Killed As She Appears In Manchester Dressed As Margaret Thatcher

by Mof Gimmers

The North of England hates Margaret Thatcher almost unreservedly. Seriously. Being a Tory in Ultra-Labourite Manchester is akin to being a leper. A leper who likes the music of James Blunt. A James Blunt loving leper in a Liverpool FC shirt. And so, when Meryl Streep appeared randomly at Freya and Graham McAnally’s wedding at [...]

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Meryl Streep To Bag Oscar For Margaret Thatcher Role (Brad Pitt To Play Norman Tebbit In 2014)

by Mof Gimmers

The best way to win the respect of your acting peers is to go ugly. Monstrously ugly. For example, people fawn over those brave enough to play Hitler. Or a wife-beater. Or some kind of sex offender. In the case of Meryl Streep, she’s being touted as a likely Oscar winner for her turn as [...]

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What Links The Muppets To Italian Soft Core Pornography?

by Mof Gimmers

Those Muppets are pretty sweet, wholesome things aren’t they? They’re all cute and furry and funnier than a politician falling down a manhole. They’ll never get involved in any sex scandals or anything like that… not like stupid human celebs. BUT WAIT! WHAT’S THIS?! There’s a big ol’ link from The Muppets to soft core [...]

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Daniel Craig Probably Won’t Be Inviting The Kardashians Round Anytime Soon

by Matthew Laidlow

Daniel Craig is James Bond. You know that. Everyone knows that. He won’t be remembered for anything other than his James Bondiness and walking out of the sea with his little trunks on. Not a bad CV all told. Unlike a lot of celebrity types, Daniel Craig doesn’t flaunt his fame and attempts to maintain [...]

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Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift And That One From Glee All Vying To Showcase Furrowed Brow In Les Mis

by Mof Gimmers

A film version of Les Miserables is afoot and everyone wants in because it really is exactly the kind of overwrought, bust-heaving weariness that gets you an Oscar nomination. And the thesps are circling like vultures! Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift and Lea Michele (the main girl from Glee) are all competing with each other so [...]

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Johnny Depp And Other White Men Favourites To Play Michael Jackson In Biopic (Features Amazing Eddie Murphy Video)

by Mof Gimmers

Finding a man to play Michael Jackson in a biopic is no easy task. Listen, LaToya Jackson is surely not in the picture, despite being MJ’s reanimated corpse. Think about it. You need someone who vaguely looks like the former King of Pop. Naturally, what with Michael going from handsome black man to Roswell white [...]

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Kristen Stewart To Star In Live Action Akira – Start Complaining Now

by Mof Gimmers

Have you heard about the live action version of Akira that’s going to hit the cinema screens? Isn’t that the most wonderful news you’ve ever heard? It’s not like the original was perfect or anything stupid like that. There’s even better news! Supreme dullard Kristen Stewart has been offered a role in the Akira adaptation [...]

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Finally! America Has Come To Make Doctor Who Brilliant!

by Mof Gimmers

Doctor Who has always been a quirkfest, with machines that don’t work properly, stupidly long scarves, baddies that look like bits of tinfoil and something preposterously called ‘a sonic screwdriver’. Really, The Doctor is, of all the heroes, the most nauseatingly twee. He’ll be playing a bloody ukulele next. A sonic ukulele no doubt. Anyway, [...]

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