Movie Gossip
Sex And The City 2 Inexplicably Stormed By Crazed Cynthia Nixon Fans
Sometimes a piece of news comes along that makes us genuinely confused - people, get ready for that news. You know Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City? She's got fans. Actual fans. Not people who say that they like her to be ironic, or because they think that liking Sarah Jessica Parker would be too obvious. She's got fans. The sort of hysterical logic-defying fans who'd storm onto the set of Sex And The City 2 just so they can be close to her. It's weird. But at least they weren't Kim Cattrall fans. That would have really freaked us out.
Sometimes a piece of news comes along that makes us genuinely confused - people, get ready for that news. You know Cynthia Nixon from Sex And The City? She's got fans. Actual fans. Not people who say that they like her to be ironic, or because they think that liking Sarah Jessica Parker would be too obvious. She's got fans. The sort of hysterical logic-defying fans who'd storm onto the set of Sex And The City 2 just so they can be close to her. It's weird. But at least they weren't Kim Cattrall fans. That would have really freaked us out.
Batman 3: Megan Fox IS Catwoman, Unless She Isn’t
It's Cher who we feel most sorry for, of course. We thought that Cher had the Batman 3 Catwoman role all sewn up. But, no, Megan Fox had to waltz in and snatch it from her. Damn you, Megan Fox. What's your Catwoman going to like, huh? All young and sexy, probably. Well that's not good enough - we wanted Batman 3 to feature a doddery 63-year-old Catwoman dressed in a vicar's doily who'd been scientifically reconstructed from scraps of medical waste. And now you've spoilt it, Megan Fox. Because you're the new Catwoman, aren't you? Aren't you? What's that? Probably not? Oh.
It's Cher who we feel most sorry for, of course. We thought that Cher had the Batman 3 Catwoman role all sewn up. But, no, Megan Fox had to waltz in and snatch it from her. Damn you, Megan Fox. What's your Catwoman going to like, huh? All young and sexy, probably. Well that's not good enough - we wanted Batman 3 to feature a doddery 63-year-old Catwoman dressed in a vicar's doily who'd been scientifically reconstructed from scraps of medical waste. And now you've spoilt it, Megan Fox. Because you're the new Catwoman, aren't you? Aren't you? What's that? Probably not? Oh.
Inglourious Basterds Nurmbar Won At Weekend Borx Orifice
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
You can say a lot of things about Quentin Tarantino - mainly about his great big stupid chin if you like - but don't say he never learns. Remember Valkerie, the movie where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler but bollocks it all up? Not a great big hit at the weekend box office. But Inglourious Basterds, the movie where Brad Pitt tries to kill Hitler and then does, is a super duper number one hit at the weekend box office. Or maybe it's because everyone really wanted to see what Eli Roth is like as an actor. No? No, we didn't think so either.
OOOOOH – Twilight 3 Has A Red Barn In It – OOOOOH
As anyone who's anyone already knows, the Twilight series revolves around several gay vampires struggling to marry in California or something. Will the state's senate hear their pleas? Rumor has it we'll find out in the third film - Eclipse. Everyone's filming in a red barn right now, and the commonly accepted speculation is that this is where the bloodiest gay hoedown in cinematic history is supposed to take place. In the book it happens in chapter 4. Apparently onlookers are lined up outside the barn snapping tons of pictures - while you're stuck at a stupid desk. It's so unfair, life.
As anyone who's anyone already knows, the Twilight series revolves around several gay vampires struggling to marry in California or something. Will the state's senate hear their pleas? Rumor has it we'll find out in the third film - Eclipse. Everyone's filming in a red barn right now, and the commonly accepted speculation is that this is where the bloodiest gay hoedown in cinematic history is supposed to take place. In the book it happens in chapter 4. Apparently onlookers are lined up outside the barn snapping tons of pictures - while you're stuck at a stupid desk. It's so unfair, life.
Disney Towes The Yellow Submarine Back Out To Sea
For centuries now we've all wondered what would happen if a drunken Ringo Starr were to make sweet love to a liquored-up Mickey Mouse. For most of us the answer is obvious - Pluto would move out. We're not really sure if it'd be genetically possible for them to breed - but a kid eventually born with the mouse's ears and Ringo's sniffer, well he'd have a tough time in grade school. Of course they'd never actually mate for some reason we can't put our fingers on, but they could collaborate in other ways - like in Disney's upcoming remake of Yellow Submarine.
For centuries now we've all wondered what would happen if a drunken Ringo Starr were to make sweet love to a liquored-up Mickey Mouse. For most of us the answer is obvious - Pluto would move out. We're not really sure if it'd be genetically possible for them to breed - but a kid eventually born with the mouse's ears and Ringo's sniffer, well he'd have a tough time in grade school. Of course they'd never actually mate for some reason we can't put our fingers on, but they could collaborate in other ways - like in Disney's upcoming remake of Yellow Submarine.
District 9 Eats Weekend Box Office’s Catfood
We’re not really sure why, but this weekend saw the release an unusually large amount of movies. One of them features several pig-ugly, slime-covered sub-humans who look like they suffer from chronic hygiene problems. But sadly Bandslam didn’t even make the US weekend box office top five this week. Instead, alien sci-fi movie District 9 is number one. Do you see what we did there? We said that Vanessa Hudgens looks dirty and slimy. She isn’t, of course. At least not until her next batch of naked photos hit the internet. We give it a fortnight.
We’re not really sure why, but this weekend saw the release an unusually large amount of movies. One of them features several pig-ugly, slime-covered sub-humans who look like they suffer from chronic hygiene problems. But sadly Bandslam didn’t even make the US weekend box office top five this week. Instead, alien sci-fi movie District 9 is number one. Do you see what we did there? We said that Vanessa Hudgens looks dirty and slimy. She isn’t, of course. At least not until her next batch of naked photos hit the internet. We give it a fortnight.
New New Moon Trailer Gets A Teaser Trailer, If That Makes Sense
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Want to know how big New Moon is? It's so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now. Sadly, we're not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans - about the trailer - a 15-second peek has emerged. Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.
Michael Jackson Movie Released Near Halloween, Hilariously
It's fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history. Wait, that needs to be modified. It'll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that's still not right. It'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We're almost there - it'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that's released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo. That's right - Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn't have a sense of humour.
It's fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history. Wait, that needs to be modified. It'll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that's still not right. It'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We're almost there - it'll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that's released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo. That's right - Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn't have a sense of humour.
