Games

Fish are unique, in that you can keep them for a pet and eat them - something you can’t do with kittens, we learnt at our grandmother’s last birthday barbeque.

But Fishdom isn’t about delicious fish you can eat - it’s about boring fish that you look at endlessly waiting for them to do something exciting. Fishdom is basically a natty little puzzle game. Yes, there are tiles that need to be matched, but that’s only for the greater good. The more tiles you match, you see, the nicer accessories you can buy for your aquarium. Your imaginary aquarium. The one full of imaginary fish. Woo!

Order Fishdom Now

Download Fishdom

Ready for a game so breathtakingly new, so insanely original, so startlingly fresh that it’ll rewrite everything you think you know about games forever?

You’d better bugger off, then, because this is The Amazing Brain Train - a somewhat shamefaced rip-off of the Nintendo Brain Training games. If you’ve played any of those, you’ll more or less know what to expect from this - there are formulas and memory games and whatnot, and they’ll all either train your brain to make you cleverer or just make you slightly better at a handful of repetitive tasks. You decide!

Order The Amazing Brain Train Now

Download The Amazing Brain Train

Now that it’s summer, you can’t even go into a newsagents without being bombarded with magazines promising you a beach-fit body. We don’t even know what that means.

But for those of you who, like us, consider exercise to involve eating an out-of-date Easter egg twice as fast as usual, there’s Fitness Frenzy. It’s a personal trainer sim that’s identical to all those coffee shop sims we force you to play, except it’s about making rich people run round in a circle! Actually, Fitness Frenzy is quite an involved little game that’ll suck you in fast. And probably make you feel guilty about spending your days sitting on a cheap swivelchair in a strip-lit office, too.

Order Fitness Frenzy Now

Download Fitness Frenzy

Let's get straight to it - we didn't choose to present you with Inca Ball because it's incredible - at best it's an above-average puzzle game - but because 'ball' means 'testicle' and so it makes it seems like this game is about Inca testicles.

And, with that in mind, the official Inca Ball description is just ridiculous:

Inca Ball launches you into a valiant quest for the treasure of an ancient civilization. Shining with amazing visuals, 60 challenging levels and a variety of bonuses, Inca Ball delivers a dazzling ball popping experience. Complete the game and you will receive a reward that will come in handy, even outside the game!

Great! Us first for the ball-popping!

Order Inca Ball Now
 
Play Inca Ball Online  
 
Download Inca Ball
 

We've often been accused of burying our heads in the sand, but that's because we actually do bury our heads in the sand when we're scared. OK - not sand, cat litter. OK - not bury - eat. We eat cat litter. What of it?

But ostriches really do bury their heads in the sand, and that forms the basis of Ostrich Underground. In Ostrich Underground, you play an ostrich with an abnormally long extendable neck, and you have to follow underground tunnels to seek out and eat all the eggs without trapping your own head in your neck. Eating unborn animals has never been so much fun or as physically impossible as in Ostrich Underground!

Play Ostrich Underground now 

When you get a game like GTA IV, where you can actually sit down for a couple of hours and watch TV shows within the game, you know that videogames are reaching their outer limits.

Time to snap it all back in, then, which is why we're letting you play Project Eddie today. Project Eddie is a game like your mother used to make - a side-scrolling shoot 'em up where you can only face in one direction, fire abnormally large bullets and blow up end of level bosses who signpost their movements just a little bit too easily. You'll get bored of Project Eddie within a couple of minutes, but what a couple of minutes they'll be.

Play Project Eddie now 

It's rare for us to fall completely head over heels in love with a game, but the original Virtual Villagers totally did it for us when it came out.

A small Sims-like community that continued evolving even when you weren't playing it? How could you not love that?And now it's time for the long-awaited Virtual Villagers second sequel. Virtual Villagers 3 is already phenomenally popular, and we can see why - not only does it look like the graphics have been given a bit of a scrub, but the larger aim of the game is to rebuild a lost city that your villagers have stumbled across. We love Virtual Villagers 3 because of how real it all seems - it's probably not impossible to imagine forming real emotional attachments to your little troop of characters. Or maybe we should try going outside more once in a while.

Order Virtual Villagers 3 Now

Download Virtual Villagers 3

If we were king of the universe - and, let's face it, it's only a matter of time - we'd make Orisinal games compulsory for everyone during their lunchbreaks. They're so gorgeous and simple and gentle, they're like taking a deep, satisfying exhalation.

And since Sunny Day Sky is an Orisinal game, it follows that formula perfectly. Sunny Day Sky works around such a lovely premise that we can't believe nobody has thought of it first - you're a little mouse with an umbrella and you have to jump across the roofs of the passing traffic while trying to keep yourself afloat with the brolly.

It's a beautiful game and you need to play it - and we're seriously toying with the idea of leaving Sunny Day Sky running on our computer every day just because we think the soundtrack would make us more cheerful and industrious.

Play Sunny Day Sky now 

Oh, look, you know the drill by now - this is a Bloons game, so you're a monkey and you throw darts at balloons and you pop them and eventually you win. The end.

But because this is Bloons Player Pack 4, it's one of those Bloons games where all the levels have been created by Bloons fans. That is to say, it's one of those Bloons games where everyone tries to make their level as impossible as they can and you end up realising why these people aren't game designers in the first place. But, oh Bloons - lovely Bloons - we just can't stay mad at you, can we?

Play Bloons Player Pack 4 now 

As fun as rollercoasters are, we just wish that they were a bit more, you know, thrilling. Perhaps if they were controlled by safety-ignoring maniacs who actively encourage the loss of human life then we'd like them more.

And, in essence, that's what Rollercoaster Rush is - you play a rollercoaster brakeman who has to try and walk the gossamer divide between 'boringly safe' and 'sociopathic murderer'. Send the Rollercoaster Rush cart around sensibly and all the passengers will hate you for ruining their day, but send them around too fast and you'll smash them into terrified jam. Can you get the balance right? Can you? Oh, who are we kidding - you're killing them all on purpose, aren't you.

Play Rollercoaster Rush now 

Hecklerspray loves Pong - it's been part of our top banner since roughly the dawn of time and all the better for it. But hecklerspray also has an attention span so pitifully small that… ooh look, a penny!

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, it's that some games of Pong seem to go on forever - sometimes anything up to three or four minutes. Borrring! So thank baby Jesus himself for Insane Pong. Insane Pong is like Pong, except there's only one ball, one match and one point. Bip bip bip finish, that's Insane Pong. Just one thing wrong, though - Insane Pong is a three-syllable title, and who the bum's going to play anything with a name that long? Jeez.

Play Insane Pong now

At one point or another we've all wanted to be a jockey. Perhaps it's the thrill of the race, or the partnership between man and beast, or the shiny clothes or the erotic way that riding a horse demolishes your hymen - who knows?

But you can't be a jockey because you don't know how - which is why Champjock is here to provide a valuable educational service. Champjock is a game that teaches you exactly how to be a jockey, and apparently it's mostly about touching your hat and shoes when prompted to by an unseen deity. If you like games that are equine, confusing and seemingly utterly arbitrary, then you need Champjock in your life immediately.

Play Champjock now