Games

And now for a game that could only be more accurately titled if it was called Oh God Oh God What’s This What Do I Do What Do I Do Oh No Oh No Arrgh. It’s Frantic.

Frantic is a top-down shooter, the likes of which you’ve played tens of thousands of times in the past. But, dear lord in heaven, is it ever intense. There are explosions. There are gigantic end of level bosses. And you know a top-down shooter is good when it gives you a bad case of the screen slow-down, don’t you? Frantic has all of these, and it’s ace. Go play.

Play Frantic now

Super Stacker is both a nifty little online game and a profound metaphor for life - you spend all your time building something that you can be proud of and then some numpty comes along and smashes it to pieces for you.

The aim of Super Stacker is to pile up a load of blocks on top of each other in such a way that they can stand free for 10 seconds. It’s harder than it looks, given that a) some of the blocks are circles, b) sometimes you’re asked to build genuinely precarious stacks and c) it’s the first week back after New Year’s Eve and you’ve probably still got the alcoholic shakes a bit.

Play Super Stacker Now

OK, we were wrong. Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson haven’t split up - they’re just so miserable that they look like they should split up.

Outraged by all the Sam Ronson split talk, Lindsay Lohan has told the world via her MySpace blog that she and Sam absolutely haven’t split up - which we think is code for ‘let’s give it a fortnight, eh?’

Still, though, they’re still together and that’s good. Now if you feel something clawing wildly at your skin at night you’ll know it’s either a murderer or a feral raccoon, and not Lindsay Lohan trying to get her rocks off. Phew.

Read the rest of this entry »

Some handy forewarning - Buggle Connect is a game that you’ll either become completely addicted to, or a game that you’ll want to rip from the internet and set fire to. Which will it be? You’d better play it and find out.

Buggle Connect is a multiplayer game where you try and monopolise a crowd of squeaking dots by trying to click the area of the screen that will link the most of them together. Of course, everyone else is trying to do the exact same thing, so games of Buggle Connect often walk the line between tactical oneupmanship and blindly unfair luck. But, like we said, give it a go anyway. You never know.

Play Buggle Connect now

Now, look. It’s the first week back at work for many of us, so it’s safe to assume that many of you are supremely depressed at the moment.

Fear not, though, because we’re here with exactly what you need - a game called Mechanical Commando.

Trust us, everything you need to know about Mechanical Commando is explained in the game’s name - you’re a commando and you’re mechanical and you have to stomp around firing exploding plasma balls out of both your arms at anything that moves. Trust us, back to work blues fixes don’t get any more effective than Mechanical Commando.

Play Mechanical Commando now

Those looking for a real game to sink hours of (apparently) wasted time into look away now - those thinking “wow, I really want to play the crap out of Fallout 3″ or “I love the pitched online battles of Gears of War 2″ should probably just go away.

You’re In the Movies isn’t going to appeal to you.

Right: now they’ve gone we can get down to business. We assume if you’re still reading this it means you know absolutely nothing about games, nor do you really care to know.

Read the rest of this entry »

If, like us, you enjoy online games that make you curse because your brain isn’t quite as fast as your hands, then you’re going to love Climbing Ninja.

All Climbing Ninja asks you to do is climb up a rope, occasionally hopping across to other ropes to collect coins on your way up. But then the spikes start coming down. And the blades. And you’ll get confused and start swinging into them. And then there are the monkeys. We’re pinning the terrible headache we’ve currently got on Climbing Ninja, but that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped playing it.

Play Climbing Ninja now

Screw it, it’s Christmas. Here’s a classic - Street Fighter. Or, you know, not actually Street Fighter, but a dodgy flash knock-off of it. Christmas!

If you’ve played the real Street Fighter, you’ll know how to play this one. Most of the characters are there, all the controls are in the game and away you go. Best of all, we’re pretty sure that there’s definitely never going to to be a movie adaptation of this flash Street Fighter. And if there is, Kylie almost certainly won’t be in it.

Play Street Fighter now

With Christmas rapidly approaching, you should really be preparing to get your jigsaw on. After all, if you can’t spend the festive period joylessly slotting pieces of cardboard together, you’re obviously some sort of moron.

Until then, though, here’s Jigcircle. It’s like a jigsaw, but in a circle. Do you see? In actual fact, Jigcircle is more like one of those slidey tile games than a jigsaw - you’re presented with a mangled-up picture and asked to spin a bunch of circles around until you’ve unmangled it. It’s easy, it’s fun and you don’t need to be hammered on supermarket wine to enjoy it. What’s not to like?

Play Jigcircle now

Aqua Turret is unlike any other game you’ve played. You see, whereas most shoot ‘em ups of this nature seem to be set in space, Aqua Turret is set in the sea, which obviously makes it completely different to anything and, um…

OK, Aqua Turret isn’t unlike anything you’ve ever played. In fact, it’s actually shockingly generic. Stuff comes at you, you shoot it. Some more stuff comes at you, you shoot that too. Nevertheless, though, Aqua Turret is easy to pick up and, if it’s mindless destruction you’re after, you could do an awful lot worse.

Play Aqua Turret now