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Features

HecklerPlay: In Praise Of The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band

by Mof Gimmers

In honour of the birthday of Legs Larry Smith, the man who manned the drumstool in the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, it only seems right that we should write about how brilliant Britain’s funniest band are. Comedy and music? Does it make something awful run icily through your veins? Worry not, because the Bonzos [...]

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Dr Heckler Says: Our Celeb Pals Get Sad On Twitter, We Say All the Right Things.

by Sophie Hall

Alright, another hollerin’ at the back. So then. What the hell is going on here? And why do we still visit this wretched website, and why do our children all live in cabins where they currently do not have phone connections? – We hear you cry!  Don’t worry, we’ll give you a leg up. So, [...]

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Azealia Banks Samples Aaliyah On Pretty Boring New Song (Listen Here!)

by Mof Gimmers

Azealia Banks is attractive, ballsy and is responsible for some outrageously fun tunes. 212 was a thrilling slice of pop which had one of the filthiest refrains in memory. And now, a new track is online (which you can hear below) which samples Aaliyah! And so, talented newbie samples RnB legend? What could possibly go [...]

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Badvertising: Is The Lynx 2012 Man The Unluckiest On Earth?

by Michael Park

Omens. Omens are what alarmingly superstitious people look for as they bounce eagerly from bad situation to bad situation. People who believe the old hokum about black cats and ladders invariably lay traps for themselves, only to be surprised when they fall into them, screaming in metaphorical agony. These are the people that don’t make [...]

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BRIT Awards Nomination Sadness: Ed Sheeran Still Horrendous

by Euan L Davidson

The annual circle-jerking of overrated, but cosy, inoffensive British acts on major labels are all getting a trophy and a party bag. The Wanker Olympics Category Thing – or the BRIT Award Nominations as they’re more commonly known – have been announced, much to the chagrin of anyone with the remotest taste in music. Sub-Jack-Johnson-and-no-really-there-are-worse-people-than-Jack-Johnson [...]

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Pop Promos: A Bunch Of Stupid New Pop Videos

by Lauren Mullineaux

Christ, we’re starting this year as we mean to go on, which is by turning up very late, slightly drunk, and not really having anything to say. So it’s a lot like last year really, except people might be taking things more seriously because we could all be about to die if the Mayans have [...]

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Something For The Weekend Might Be Given An Extra Life When It Really Needs A Lethal Injection

by Robin Darke

Death is a certainty. It’s one of those things that you can’t escape from, like Witch Mountain. Or Monkey Island. Eventually, just like the rhythm, it’s going to get you. Don’t fight the inevitable readers – roll over and take out as many people as you can. It’s what Guy Fawkes would have wanted. Sometimes [...]

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Hecklerscopes – You’re Weak In The Stars

by Joanna Bolouri

Welcome to 2012 you losers!! Think this year is going to somehow be better for you because you made some pitiful resolutions about being less onanistic and getting a real job?  Pfft. Unlikely. We’ve been staring into the new crystal ball we got for Christmas, conversing with the stars and even dancing with tears in our [...]

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hecklerspray 2012 Death Predictions List!

by Sophie Hall

So. Death! Pretty serious stuff. Pretty bad all round, you could say. Like that time that gentleman from the news died. Not the Bin Laden one, the other one. Not Jeremy Beadle. Oh no, wait, it was Jeremy Beadle, wasn’t it?  It was always Jeremy Beadle. Oh god, it really was terrible about Jeremy Beadle. [...]

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The Tumblr Trawler: Suicidal Kittens Fired Due To Filthy Texts From Someone Called “Bennett”

by Michael Park

These are dark times for that there internet. As the vultures circle around the rotting carcass of the World Wide Web, we disembark our safe harbour to take a tour round the Cape of Good Tumblr. This is The Tumblr Trawler… Naturally, we’re assuming that some of you have never even seen a Tumblr, let [...]

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