On this week in 2000, Yusuf Islam (previously known as Cat Stevens) joined the campaign to fight the government’s repeal of Section 28. Section 28 was the ban on homosexuality being ‘promoted’ in schools. By ‘promoted’, what it really meant was ‘being told that it existed’.
Those that sought to keep Section 28 thought that it was an essential piece of legislation that was all that stood between the bottoms of our innocent schoolchildren and a queue of 2000 predatory gays with unquenchable erections, such is the uniquely paranoid perspective of the bigoted mind.
Luckily the Section 28 thing has been forgotten and despite his high-profile religious conversion he is still mainly famous for writing some pretty ditties. Other tunesmiths have not been so lucky though and have become better known for other, similarly embarrassing behaviour.*
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Musicians think about sex a lot. They must do, it’s almost the only thing they write about. Popstars live to defile their young screaming fans. Rockers know they’ve made it when there are aspiring muses knocking on the dressing room door.
Hip-hop has a frankly terrifying capacity for the horn.
Frankly it’s a miracle they get any work done at all with heads overflowing with images of baps, flaps and todgers. In fact such is the unstoppable high-pressure filth fawcet in their addled brains that doing it with others doesn’t fill their schedules and sometimes they combine their libidinous obsessions with their other favourite pastime- loving themselves.
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On Monday, in an interview with Guardian Music, The Shamen’s Mr C revealed that their 1992 hit single Ebeneezer Goode was about ecstasy. Who would have thought it?
To celebrate this revelation, we were going to have a list of our favourite songs that seem to be about one thing, but are actually about another. We soon realised that almost all pop music is actually about sex whilst pretending to be about ding-a-lings, lollipops, divine hammers, relaxing, and the banging of gongs.
So we thought it would be easier to list our favourite songs about drugs.
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Bless the dung-minded simpletons who look at hip hop and think, “Ah! That looks easy! Its just talking over a hip hop beat! What idiot couldn’t do that? I talk all the time! I was pretty good at thinking of words that rhyme too!”
Some of these people often take this very silly notion and apply it to learning. “Kids love rap! I need them to learn! Rapping? Learning? INSTRUCTIONAL RAP! It’s a schooling miracle!”
And so, throughout the 80s (and regrettably beyond), there has been a spate of instructional rap videos, designed to be ‘educational’ and ‘fun’, usually falling way short of both marks. Sadly for them, they didn’t realise that rapping is one of the most insanely difficult things to do. Mercifully for this post, this didn’t stop them. So welcome to a world of rap-audits, fried chicken flexidiscs and martial arts rhymes (and not in a Wu Tang way).
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With the sad passing of Davy Jones (okay, he was the least likeable of The Monkees, but he’s A Monkee fercryinoutloud!) it only seems fair to pay some kind of tribute to him and the band that made him a star.
No. His brief spot on a popular British soap doesn’t count.
And so, to avoid been overly sentimental fans, we’ve decided to simply let the music do the talking and push our worthless opinion in your face. Basically, here are the ten best tracks by The Monkees and as ever, you’re advised to tell us about your favourite songs either through the comments or through various social networking technology.
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Making a good first impression is important. In books it sets the tone, in social surroundings it allows busy idiots the chance to judge us, and in job interviews it provides a useful opportunity to explain that whilst, yes, you are technically on the sex offenders’ register it was all a terrible mix-up and could have happened to anyone.
In music, the first line is underrated. We barely even notice them unless they’re clunky or funny.
The best first lines can, like the opening of Kafka’s Metamorphosis, throw you right into the action or they can, like A Tale of Two Cities, set a vivid scene. They can provide an aggressive statement of intent or they can be just plain funny.
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Ah love. We love it. But not as much as celebrity couples who love it more! Or at least maybe murmer to Max Clifford that those M&S microwave asparagus rissottos aren’t going to heat up in their houses with no electricity by themselves.
Love is all you need.
Everybody says it. John Lennon says it. Richard Curtis got a fridge magnet of it and then based an entire career around it. We’re not really sure what the hell’s going on to be honest. Suffice to say, it’s the hecklerspray Top 10 Most.. GOD KNOWS WHAT THEY WERE THINKING! Celebrity Couples list!
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A few weeks ago, Editor Mof bombarded you with some of the greatest music from the history of video games. He steered clear of some of the more obvious titles, sometimes favouring good soundtracks over good games.
However, as technology in gaming marches on, leading us down ever more beautifully decorated linear corridors like lambs ripe for the slaughter, we’re led to ask- what are the greatest video game opening sequences? Those opening movies that draw you in like a moth to a flame or Justin Bieber to a fan’s vagina.
With the release of Harry Gregson-Williams’ collaboration with the London Philarmonic Orchestra which even manages to make a reworking of the Angry Birds soundtrack sound utterly epic, we started to think about the best opening “FMVs” that we had ever seen. The ones that really capture the essence of a game without giving too much away. So here’s ten of the best…
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