Some say that animals are living creatures and therefore must be treated with respect. We say DESTROY THEM! DESTROY THEM NOW! This is It Will Kill You.

The pilot whale, of the Globicephala genus, is primarily known for its distinct rounded head, long-based dorsel fin and the fact that – as the video below clearly demonstrates – it feasts on human flesh and often fantasises about annihilating mankind forever. To reiterate, pilot whales are arseholes.

Just look at what a pilot whale did to this poor diver, and remember – if you’ve ever listened to a whalesong CD, what you’re probably listening to is a load of these fishy wankers discussing how much they’d like to disembowel your grandmother. Fact. Video after the jump…

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The traditional image of a panda is that of a docile, bamboo-chewing furball with no real interest in reproduction or causing harm to its environment. How completely wrong that is. Pandas, you see, are vicious little tosspots.

When pandas attack humans – which they do – it’s not for food like if a shark attacks you, and it’s not for protection like if a snake attacks you. No, a panda will attack you because it’s just a bit pissed off. Or because it just really, really likes your jacket. Either way, set a panda free and it will kill you.

Believe the internet and you'll think that animals are adorable little fluffbaskets with big eyes that live in piles of laundry. They're not – animals are complete turds. This is It Will Kill You.

Think of tigers and what comes to mind? Tigger from Winnie the Pooh? Tony the Tiger from the Frosties adverts? Hobbes out of Calvin and Hobbes? Rubbish – give them a chance and tigers will kill you in a second. Bastards, the lot of them.

If a tiger decides to attack you, you don't stand a chance – zoning in on you at speeds of up to 40mph, the tiger will use its massive size and strength to take you down, tearing at your throat with its teeth and staying there until you've died of strangulation or – if you're small enough – it'll pierce your windpipe or break your spinal cord. Or maybe the tiger will just swipe at you with its paws, which are powerful enough to smash cattle skulls. 

However, the tiger will only usually attack humans when they've become too old and infirm to hunt regular prey. That's right, if a tiger kills you, you'll die knowing that it was a really crappy tiger.

It’s obvious that a crocodile will kill you if you give it the chance. They’ve hardly changed since the days of the dinosaurs, and that’s because they’re so good at killing people. Hundreds of people a year are killed by crocodiles, mainly because they don’t have time to react when the animal strikes.

If a crocodile attacks you in the water, it will pull you under and drown you. If you climb a tree to escape a crocodile attack, it will slow its metabolism and stand guard under the tree for weeks without a break. If you work in a South East Asian zoo where your job involves putting you arm in a crocodile’s open mouth, well, then you are an idiot and you shouldn’t be surprised when the crocodile goes into a death roll to try and kill you. Because crocodiles will kill you.

The most carnivorous of all bears, the polar bear’s diet usually consists of seal and walrus, which the bear stalks and then kills by smashing its skull with its paws. But occasionally polar bears go after humans too, and although some survive the attacks, like the Yukon man who was lucky to escape with his life (images of his injuries are here, but they’re gross), many end up mauled to death. Stupid polar bears.

Fed up with endless internet pictures of two puppydogs kissing on the lips? Good, here's It Will Kill You.

This week's It Will Kill You is the Anaconda. Growing up to about 30 feet in length, the Anaconda is a type of aquatic boa that inhabits swamps and rivers in South America. The Anaconda will kill you by constriction. Looping its body around its prey, the Anaconda will squeeze tighter and tighter until has crushed the air out of the prey, at which point it will unhinge its jaws and swallow the victim whole.

Anacondas usually eat pigs, deer, small crocodiles and fish. And your children. Oh, and yes – it will kill you. There's probably one that stares at you when you sleep, and one that lives in your toilet water waiting to pounce.

You know what we're sick of? Bloody internet folk banging on about otters and kittens and other assorted cute rubbish. It's time to fight back. It's time for It Will Kill You.

You know, animals aren't cute at all. Animals are bastards and would kill you in a second if you gave it the chance. All animals. Especially today's It Will Kill You star, the komodo dragon. The largest living lizard, the komodo dragon eats animals by pinning them down with its heavy forearms and tearing chunks out of their body.

For smaller animals, up to the size of a goat, the komodo dragon can dislocate its jaw and swallow it whole, often helping it down by ramming it against a tree, sometimes until the tree falls down. The komodo dragon's red saliva is so full of bacteria that one bite will kill you with septicaemia. The komodo dragon eats birds, monkeys, deer, horses, goats and human corpses. And, although this video shows that sometimes a komodo dragon can't keep its food down, make no mistake – it will kill you.