From the category archives:

Creased Or Folded

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

If it says six tablets in 24 hours, stick to that rule. The diarrhoea isn’t worth it.

Folded:

* Our Velocity by Maximo Park (…is still not getting on our nerves, despite its distinct similarity to Apply Some Pressure)

* Chilling out on the Bank Holiday (time off, gentleman, please)

* Hell Drivers (out on DVD for anyone who likes Stanley Baker driving a truck. We do)

* New Caramel-Toffee Frijj flavour (so much cooler than a bottle of ‘Coke Bloke’)

* Changing this feature to one item a week as a longer article (leave a comment for The Editor. He opens the penthouse doors for us to pitch every second Tuesday)

Creased:

* The whole Easter thing (if you’re religious or not able to buy chocolate on a regular basis, then it must be fun. For the rest of us it’s as boring as a 12” of any recent Lemar single)

* Shark (never, ever thought James Woods would be annoying)

* Handbrakes (park your car on a hill, without putting it in gear, and that baby will roll back and crash into a pillar, don’t you doubt it for a second)

* Tequila season (something about the occasional sunny day that makes this drink seem like the right thing to do. Then you die the next morning)

* Blogger death threats (it’s the stalking that’s worse though)

If it says six tablets in 24 hours, stick to that rule. The diarrhoea isn’t worth it. Folded: * Our Velocity by Maximo Park (…is still not getting on our nerves, despite its distinct similarity to Apply Some Pressure) * Chilling out on the Bank Holiday (time off, gentleman, please) * Hell Drivers (out on DVD for anyone who likes Stanley Baker driving a truck. We do) * New Caramel-Toffee Frijj flavour (so much cooler than a bottle of ‘Coke Bloke’) * Changing this feature to one item a week as a longer article (leave a comment for The Editor. He opens the penthouse doors for us to pitch every second Tuesday) Creased: * The whole Easter thing (if you’re religious or not able to buy chocolate on a regular basis, then it must be fun. For the rest of us it’s as boring as a 12” of any recent Lemar single) * Shark (never, ever thought James Woods would be annoying) * Handbrakes (park your car on a hill, without putting it in gear, and that baby will roll back and crash into a pillar, don’t you doubt it for a second) * Tequila season (something about the occasional sunny day that makes this drink seem like the right thing to do. Then you die the next morning) * Blogger death threats (it’s the stalking that’s worse though)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

The Frey? No, thanks.

Folded:

* The Apprentice returns… again (feels a bit less kooky fun now it’s on BBC1, but it’s still unmissable viewing

* Nintendo Gameboy (the old one with the yellow screen. It’s only about a fiver now and nobody will want to steal it out your front room, unlike that Sony play-wotsit everyone is going on about)

* Edie Sedgwick (whether you rate Factory Girl or not, you should seek out this sad, but wonderfully enlightening sixties kitten)

* More Jools (despite Four’s best attempt to manufacture their own brand of cool, Later still remains the best music programme on TV. Three series’ a year is a good thing)

* Peep Show series four (we predict this will be better than morning sex, and we know more than God)

Creased:

* Live from Abbey Road on More4 (bet they read poetry in the ad breaks too. Wankers)

* Staff at Vue cinemas (this is probably most peoples local, so we’re sure you can relate to one-sided conversations with Benny-out-of-Crossroads and his lobotomised buddies)

* Playstation 3 (sure, you can find one, but can you afford it? Doubtful, despite how shiny, black, matt and sexy it looks)

* Used to be marvellous TV girl Debbie King (things are not looking good for this chipper lass since the close of ITV Play. That’s a bloody shame, as we still like her.

* Get Your Act Together on Channel 4 (the same old thing trumped out with the same old style. Come on, when are these programmes ever going to tell us something we don’t know?)

The Frey? No, thanks. Folded: * The Apprentice returns… again (feels a bit less kooky fun now it’s on BBC1, but it’s still unmissable viewing * Nintendo Gameboy (the old one with the yellow screen. It’s only about a fiver now and nobody will want to steal it out your front room, unlike that Sony play-wotsit everyone is going on about) * Edie Sedgwick (whether you rate Factory Girl or not, you should seek out this sad, but wonderfully enlightening sixties kitten) * More Jools (despite Four’s best attempt to manufacture their own brand of cool, Later still remains the best music programme on TV. Three series’ a year is a good thing) * Peep Show series four (we predict this will be better than morning sex, and we know more than God) Creased: * Live from Abbey Road on More4 (bet they read poetry in the ad breaks too. Wankers) * Staff at Vue cinemas (this is probably most peoples local, so we’re sure you can relate to one-sided conversations with Benny-out-of-Crossroads and his lobotomised buddies) * Playstation 3 (sure, you can find one, but can you afford it? Doubtful, despite how shiny, black, matt and sexy it looks) * Used to be marvellous TV girl Debbie King (things are not looking good for this chipper lass since the close of ITV Play. That’s a bloody shame, as we still like her. * Get Your Act Together on Channel 4 (the same old thing trumped out with the same old style. Come on, when are these programmes ever going to tell us something we don’t know?)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

All a bit girly this week.

Folded:

* Ghosts (a jolly, catchy, no-doubt irritating very soon bunch)

* Red Nose Day 2007 (…was not funny. Though it’s still a bloody good cause, and it hurts to be cynical all the time)

* Becoming Jane (don’t worry if you’re dragged to see this, it’s actually very sweet. Wait, where are you going? Come back!)

* Live magazine (the history of the one-button suit, a guide to ordering eggs in an American diner, cars you can’t afford. A good free magazine this, ‘tis a shame it comes with the Mail on Sunday)

* Blu Ray (it is worth the money, unfortunately)

Creased:

* Kate Thornton (Comic Relief can’t save her. You’re goooooooone, lady!)

* Ellen Pompeo (from Grey’s Anatomy. Highly annoying. Think Renne Zellweger x 10, squinting and on skunk)

* Hair on the back of your neck (where did that come from all of a sudden?)

* The Mail on Sunday (don’t buy it. Forget the Live magazine and borrow it off your parents or something)

* DVD (now officially as dead that nice fat collection you’ve built up on your bookcase)

All a bit girly this week. Folded: * Ghosts (a jolly, catchy, no-doubt irritating very soon bunch) * Red Nose Day 2007 (…was not funny. Though it’s still a bloody good cause, and it hurts to be cynical all the time) * Becoming Jane (don’t worry if you’re dragged to see this, it’s actually very sweet. Wait, where are you going? Come back!) * Live magazine (the history of the one-button suit, a guide to ordering eggs in an American diner, cars you can’t afford. A good free magazine this, ‘tis a shame it comes with the Mail on Sunday) * Blu Ray (it is worth the money, unfortunately) Creased: * Kate Thornton (Comic Relief can’t save her. You’re goooooooone, lady!) * Ellen Pompeo (from Grey’s Anatomy. Highly annoying. Think Renne Zellweger x 10, squinting and on skunk) * Hair on the back of your neck (where did that come from all of a sudden?) * The Mail on Sunday (don’t buy it. Forget the Live magazine and borrow it off your parents or something) * DVD (now officially as dead that nice fat collection you’ve built up on your bookcase)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Creased if you’re orca. Folded if you’re just overweight.

Folded:

* Ashes to Ashes (the Life on Mars spin off staring Philip Glenister’s Gene Hunt character is happening)

* Tiger bread (covered in a kind of paw-print pattern and smells vaguely of Marmite. It’s nice is all)

* Borat on DVD (we are still hoping for a free copy in the post. You should go and buy one)

* The Impossible Quiz (…will kill you. Fun though)

* Laughing at that Norbit trailer in the cinema (fat people are funny, they should be laughed at. Stop pretending)

Creased:

* Charlotte Church’s Friday Night Knees Up (or whatever. It sucks so much arse)

* ITV Play (don’t waste the beleaguered channel on ITV2+1. What about some re-runs of 80’s cartoons instead?)

* Alex Zane (thin-stripped weasel of a man. Don’t think his mother likes him much either)

* Goal 2: Living the Dream (oh, Christ, sweet Jesus, no. It’s terrible! Don’t watch it)

* Pretending not to laugh at that Norbit trailer in the cinema (everyone says it’s rubbish so you’ll be damned if you’re going to make up your own mind. Good for you)

Creased if you’re orca. Folded if you’re just overweight. Folded: * Ashes to Ashes (the Life on Mars spin off staring Philip Glenister’s Gene Hunt character is happening) * Tiger bread (covered in a kind of paw-print pattern and smells vaguely of Marmite. It’s nice is all) * Borat on DVD (we are still hoping for a free copy in the post. You should go and buy one) * The Impossible Quiz (…will kill you. Fun though) * Laughing at that Norbit trailer in the cinema (fat people are funny, they should be laughed at. Stop pretending) Creased: * Charlotte Church’s Friday Night Knees Up (or whatever. It sucks so much arse) * ITV Play (don’t waste the beleaguered channel on ITV2+1. What about some re-runs of 80’s cartoons instead?) * Alex Zane (thin-stripped weasel of a man. Don’t think his mother likes him much either) * Goal 2: Living the Dream (oh, Christ, sweet Jesus, no. It’s terrible! Don't watch it) * Pretending not to laugh at that Norbit trailer in the cinema (everyone says it’s rubbish so you’ll be damned if you’re going to make up your own mind. Good for you)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

I doubt that’s a boil, sir. It has a head.

Folded:

* Ghost Rider (no, we know what you’re thinking, it looks shit. It’s really not)

* New The Simpsons Movie trailer (we could have jumped the gun about this earlier; it does look bloody funny)

* Acceptable in the 80s by Calvin Harris (the video’s kinda stupid, but it’s a fun song)

* hecklerspray (we’ve never been so popular, thanks to you! And us)

* The Gossip (can’t beat a fat lesbian for singing so loud you stall your car)

Creased:

* Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani (if anyone is still buying her shit they need their head tested)

* Builders (Sunday, eight in the morning. Yeah, chuffed to bits to see you guys)

* Worrying Grindhouse rumours (apparently this purposely designed ‘double feature’ could be released as two separate movies, at two separate times, in the UK)

* Other entertainment websites (…are not remotely funny. Boo-Urns!)

* Avril Lavigne (…is far too old for singing high school songs)

I doubt that’s a boil, sir. It has a head. Folded: * Ghost Rider (no, we know what you’re thinking, it looks shit. It’s really not) * New The Simpsons Movie trailer (we could have jumped the gun about this earlier; it does look bloody funny) * Acceptable in the 80s by Calvin Harris (the video’s kinda stupid, but it’s a fun song) * hecklerspray (we’ve never been so popular, thanks to you! And us) * The Gossip (can’t beat a fat lesbian for singing so loud you stall your car) Creased: * Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani (if anyone is still buying her shit they need their head tested) * Builders (Sunday, eight in the morning. Yeah, chuffed to bits to see you guys) * Worrying Grindhouse rumours (apparently this purposely designed ‘double feature’ could be released as two separate movies, at two separate times, in the UK) * Other entertainment websites (…are not remotely funny. Boo-Urns!) * Avril Lavigne (…is far too old for singing high school songs)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

I’ll have you, you, you… aaaaannd you.

Folded:

* Point Break on Five last week (“Go back to the valley, man!” Ah, it’s been too long. Too long)

* Empire Thunderdome (it’s still fun, so go and vote for your favourite domer. Any ideas who you’ll go for..?)

* 300 (Spartans fucking rule)

* M&S possibly buying Sainsbury (why should you care? Because it will give you somewhere else to shop besides Tesco in ten years time)

* Old Jackass on TMF (you can forget how funny it used to be. This’ll remind you)

Creased:

* ‘Scripted’ Top Gear (it’s still great, but some of the features feel overly staged)

* Empire Thunderdome (bloody thing)

* Saw III on DVD (apparently not a parody. We read the box three times over)

* Pizza Hut’s lunchtime buffet offer (that is not on at weekends. So is a complete waste of time for most of us)

* The police (not the group, the pain-in-the-ass coppers who won’t go anywhere near an estate full of fist-happy teenagers, but will happily pull us over twice for running a ‘red’ [read: amber] light in one week)

I’ll have you, you, you… aaaaannd you. Folded: * Point Break on Five last week (“Go back to the valley, man!” Ah, it’s been too long. Too long) * Empire Thunderdome (it’s still fun, so go and vote for your favourite domer. Any ideas who you’ll go for..?) * 300 (Spartans fucking rule) * M&S possibly buying Sainsbury (why should you care? Because it will give you somewhere else to shop besides Tesco in ten years time) * Old Jackass on TMF (you can forget how funny it used to be. This’ll remind you) Creased: * ‘Scripted’ Top Gear (it’s still great, but some of the features feel overly staged) * Empire Thunderdome (bloody thing) * Saw III on DVD (apparently not a parody. We read the box three times over) * Pizza Hut’s lunchtime buffet offer (that is not on at weekends. So is a complete waste of time for most of us) * The police (not the group, the pain-in-the-ass coppers who won’t go anywhere near an estate full of fist-happy teenagers, but will happily pull us over twice for running a ‘red’ [read: amber] light in one week)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Stand up, sit down. Creased, Folded.

Folded:

* Kate Nash: Caroline’s a Victim (not really indicative of her other work, but an assured way in for the skinny jeans crowd)

* Soul Britannia (a decent series that finished last week on BBC4. Well worth catching on the inevitable repeat)

* E4 Music back on the mornin’ box (no more shots of Jo O’Meara sleeping. We’ve kept our cereal down for over two weeks now)

* A half (might just be the way to go. Not as geezer/govnor looking as a pint, plus you can drink it at an easier pace; for there’s no fear it’ll get all warm and gross in your sweaty palms before it’s down the gullet)

* M.A.S.K (the best cartoon theme tune ever? Maybe Cities of Gold? Maybe Dogtanian? Listen on YouTube and make up your own mind)

Creased:

* Girlie mags (no, not those, perv, the bastard celebrity ones. They get everywhere and you can’t help but pick them up to read on the crapper. We weren’t even sure Emmerdale was still going)

* Prison Break 2 on Five (slowly does it. Too slowly)

* A pint (unless you’re still a teenager, these bad boys cling to your gut like lard fajitas. Who gives a damn? Women, pal. Women)

* Joss Stone (the Devonshire Yank and her Devonshire Yank accent is nestling on just about everyone’s tits at the moment)

* Pancake Day [link NSFW and frankly terrifying] (pancakes are nice, so why only eat them once a year? What about Anchovy Day instead? That makes far more sense)

Stand up, sit down. Creased, Folded. Folded: * Kate Nash: Caroline’s a Victim (not really indicative of her other work, but an assured way in for the skinny jeans crowd) * Soul Britannia (a decent series that finished last week on BBC4. Well worth catching on the inevitable repeat) * E4 Music back on the mornin’ box (no more shots of Jo O’Meara sleeping. We’ve kept our cereal down for over two weeks now) * A half (might just be the way to go. Not as geezer/govnor looking as a pint, plus you can drink it at an easier pace; for there’s no fear it’ll get all warm and gross in your sweaty palms before it’s down the gullet) * M.A.S.K (the best cartoon theme tune ever? Maybe Cities of Gold? Maybe Dogtanian? Listen on YouTube and make up your own mind) Creased: * Girlie mags (no, not those, perv, the bastard celebrity ones. They get everywhere and you can’t help but pick them up to read on the crapper. We weren’t even sure Emmerdale was still going) * Prison Break 2 on Five (slowly does it. Too slowly) * A pint (unless you’re still a teenager, these bad boys cling to your gut like lard fajitas. Who gives a damn? Women, pal. Women) * Joss Stone (the Devonshire Yank and her Devonshire Yank accent is nestling on just about everyone’s tits at the moment) * Pancake Day [link NSFW and frankly terrifying] (pancakes are nice, so why only eat them once a year? What about Anchovy Day instead? That makes far more sense)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

You can do it if you B&Q it!

Folded:

* Snow Patrol’s brilliant video for Open Your Eyes (taken from a 1976 short film called C’était un rendez-vous, directed by Claude Lelouch and featuring driving – up to 86 mph through unclosed Paris streets – by a real formula one driver. Mesmerising. Like a retro French travelogue)

* Nick Frost as Uncle Jack in Man Stoke Woman on BBC Three (all sketch shows are hit and miss, but Frost’s all-too-believable inebriated uncle is a major hit. The ladies are absolutely lovely too)

* Mitchell and Webb in those terrible Apple ads (no, you can’t blame them. Who wouldn’t take the money – so much money – and run?)

* Flower sellers (you’ve got to hand it to them, £5 for a single, fading, nearly dead rose on Valentine’s Day. They should be running the country)

* The Bourne Ultimatum (the director of Supremacy? Tom Stoppard writing? Matt Damon’s sturdy chin returning? You can count us in, guvonor)

Creased:

* Jessica Simpson’s video for A Public Affair (the girliest song in the world with a striking resemblance to Get Myself Into It by The Rapture, only with less clothes and more highlights)

* Snow (it’s here, then it’s not, it’s blocking in your mate’s drive; yours is empty. It’s too damn temperamental nature, that’s the problem)

* Hot Fuzz (funny, but too long. Nearly two hours for an action comedy is completing misreading the audience. Like every disappointment you’ve ever had in the cinema, it feels like a missed opportunity)

* Live Free or Die Hard (some guff about computer hackers from the director of Underworld? Sounds dreadful)

* Rules (break ‘em! Do something illegal this weekend, then blame someone else. Not us)

You can do it if you B&Q it! Folded: * Snow Patrol’s brilliant video for Open Your Eyes (taken from a 1976 short film called C'était un rendez-vous, directed by Claude Lelouch and featuring driving – up to 86 mph through unclosed Paris streets – by a real formula one driver. Mesmerising. Like a retro French travelogue) * Nick Frost as Uncle Jack in Man Stoke Woman on BBC Three (all sketch shows are hit and miss, but Frost’s all-too-believable inebriated uncle is a major hit. The ladies are absolutely lovely too) * Mitchell and Webb in those terrible Apple ads (no, you can’t blame them. Who wouldn’t take the money – so much money – and run?) * Flower sellers (you've got to hand it to them, £5 for a single, fading, nearly dead rose on Valentine's Day. They should be running the country) * The Bourne Ultimatum (the director of Supremacy? Tom Stoppard writing? Matt Damon’s sturdy chin returning? You can count us in, guvonor) Creased: * Jessica Simpson’s video for A Public Affair (the girliest song in the world with a striking resemblance to Get Myself Into It by The Rapture, only with less clothes and more highlights) * Snow (it’s here, then it’s not, it’s blocking in your mate’s drive; yours is empty. It’s too damn temperamental nature, that’s the problem) * Hot Fuzz (funny, but too long. Nearly two hours for an action comedy is completing misreading the audience. Like every disappointment you’ve ever had in the cinema, it feels like a missed opportunity) * Live Free or Die Hard (some guff about computer hackers from the director of Underworld? Sounds dreadful) * Rules (break ‘em! Do something illegal this weekend, then blame someone else. Not us)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

No, we were wrong, January isn’t the most depressing month of the year after all.

Folded:

* The return of Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe on BBC4 (the former Oink writer is still the best reason on TV not to miss In Bed With Medinner)

* Life on Mars puppet promos (nice, BBC, funny. Using the old comedy noodle there. Like it)

* Cinema queues (why do people think these have all but disappeared? If you are not Mr-book-with-your-credit card-organised you still have to stand in line with the riff-raff)

* The Long Blondes (sexy indie ladies)

* Playing ‘spot the demographic’ during the ad breaks on shows like Dancing on Ice (Okay, so we’re watching too, but you know what stellar company you’re in when they advertise the likes of Butlins and ‘Car Shock’ in-between)

Creased:

* Dakota Fanning’s parents (it won’t die! Bandwagon! Shame on you! Bandwagon. SHAME! Bandwagon)

* Grey’s Anatomy (we cover the backstage shenanigans of this show like a regular feature. Now watching it properly for the first time we are willing to acknowledge that, despite the constant medical crap, it’s actually not all that bad)

* Haven Holidays advert where the white trash couple share a laugh about farting in a Jacuzzi. (um, classy, we really want to go there. Perhaps t’wife can serve us some dinosaur rusk bites and oven chips, too? We can all be fat like daddy)

* Scented candles (dreadful, sneeze-inducing tools of the Devil. You’re better off having your gaff stinking of week old garbage. Believe us, we know)

* Skins on E4 (apparently takes place in some alternate reality where every teenager in the world shops at H&M and not JJB Sports)

No, we were wrong, January isn’t the most depressing month of the year after all. Folded: * The return of Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe on BBC4 (the former Oink writer is still the best reason on TV not to miss In Bed With Medinner) * Life on Mars puppet promos (nice, BBC, funny. Using the old comedy noodle there. Like it) * Cinema queues (why do people think these have all but disappeared? If you are not Mr-book-with-your-credit card-organised you still have to stand in line with the riff-raff) * The Long Blondes (sexy indie ladies) * Playing ‘spot the demographic’ during the ad breaks on shows like Dancing on Ice (Okay, so we’re watching too, but you know what stellar company you’re in when they advertise the likes of Butlins and 'Car Shock' in-between) Creased: * Dakota Fanning’s parents (it won’t die! Bandwagon! Shame on you! Bandwagon. SHAME! Bandwagon) * Grey’s Anatomy (we cover the backstage shenanigans of this show like a regular feature. Now watching it properly for the first time we are willing to acknowledge that, despite the constant medical crap, it’s actually not all that bad) * Haven Holidays advert where the white trash couple share a laugh about farting in a Jacuzzi. (um, classy, we really want to go there. Perhaps t’wife can serve us some dinosaur rusk bites and oven chips, too? We can all be fat like daddy) * Scented candles (dreadful, sneeze-inducing tools of the Devil. You’re better off having your gaff stinking of week old garbage. Believe us, we know) * Skins on E4 (apparently takes place in some alternate reality where every teenager in the world shops at H&M and not JJB Sports)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Feels so good that I’m…coolin’ down…ah!

Folded:

* The dancing sign language lady off Hits (not that we ever watch this channel, of course, but there is a lady on there, jolly face, mumsy, who will continue to dance through all the instrumental parts of songs like she’s at her school reunion disco. No, really, it’s good)
* Just Jack (his earlier stuff was a bit more Heartburn and a bit less ‘Oh, yeah, tipped out, I’m cool’, but young Jack is definitely going places)
* Family Guy on BBC2 and BBC Three (until they kick it in the gutter for Dancing on Ice: The Changing Room Outtakes: X-Rated Toiletcam Edition)
* Voting to keep Chris Laverty in the Empire Thunderdome! (a small novelty Arnold Palmer is in the post*)
* Wonderful Cadbury’s Creme Eggs (made out of 100% pure tooth decay. It’s on the wrapper, don’t you know)

Creased:

* Kaiser Chiefs and the musical stylings of Ruby (if you just happen to be looking for the new Status Quo, then, well, you’ve found them)
* Buying a new computer (and you’ve got to transfer everything from the old one to the new one and it takes ages and everyone has got a better idea of how to do it than you and none of them work and it’s just a big bloody nightmare!)
* The Simpsons mockery on Channel 4 (these guys have done nothing with The Greatest Show on Earth since they acquired it. Wake up and give us a daily double feature, pilchards!)
* BBC1’s Five Days (…of long, drawn out, melodrama)
* Thieves Like Us on BBC Three (it’s winter so we’ve been TV mad this month. Explains the bulging hemroids. Anyway, this show is the worse comedy series in the history of the world)

Vote for your hecklerspray man Chris Laverty in the Empire Thunderdome. That’s it, keep going. Oooooooooooooohhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Is your finger sore yet?

* not in the post

Feels so good that I’m…coolin’ down…ah! Folded: * The dancing sign language lady off Hits (not that we ever watch this channel, of course, but there is a lady on there, jolly face, mumsy, who will continue to dance through all the instrumental parts of songs like she's at her school reunion disco. No, really, it’s good) * Just Jack (his earlier stuff was a bit more Heartburn and a bit less ‘Oh, yeah, tipped out, I’m cool’, but young Jack is definitely going places) * Family Guy on BBC2 and BBC Three (until they kick it in the gutter for Dancing on Ice: The Changing Room Outtakes: X-Rated Toiletcam Edition) * Voting to keep Chris Laverty in the Empire Thunderdome! (a small novelty Arnold Palmer is in the post*) * Wonderful Cadbury's Creme Eggs (made out of 100% pure tooth decay. It’s on the wrapper, don't you know) Creased: * Kaiser Chiefs and the musical stylings of Ruby (if you just happen to be looking for the new Status Quo, then, well, you’ve found them) * Buying a new computer (and you’ve got to transfer everything from the old one to the new one and it takes ages and everyone has got a better idea of how to do it than you and none of them work and it’s just a big bloody nightmare!) * The Simpsons mockery on Channel 4 (these guys have done nothing with The Greatest Show on Earth since they acquired it. Wake up and give us a daily double feature, pilchards!) * BBC1’s Five Days (…of long, drawn out, melodrama) * Thieves Like Us on BBC Three (it’s winter so we've been TV mad this month. Explains the bulging hemroids. Anyway, this show is the worse comedy series in the history of the world) Vote for your hecklerspray man Chris Laverty in the Empire Thunderdome. That’s it, keep going. Oooooooooooooohhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Is your finger sore yet? * not in the post
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