Features
What Should Chris Brown Do Next? Discussed
Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris? Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping heart of a maniac just seconds away from a red mist. Sneeze at the wrong moment, and he might come at you with a brick. Still, all is not lost for Chris Brown. Using some templates from other famous people who have been unmasked for dodgy wrong-doings, here are a few paths that he could choose to tread...
Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris? Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping heart of a maniac just seconds away from a red mist. Sneeze at the wrong moment, and he might come at you with a brick. Still, all is not lost for Chris Brown. Using some templates from other famous people who have been unmasked for dodgy wrong-doings, here are a few paths that he could choose to tread...
Win Two Tickets To The Canary Islands Now!
We've been running a lot of competitions lately, and they've all been doozies. But this one might just be the dooziest. You see, today we're giving away two flights to the Canary Islands. Not a DVD of a flight, not tickets to see the flight in concert - two actual flights that will literally take you all the way to the Canary Islands. And back again. We've been given the prize by Canary Islands Tourism, and if we had any fewer scruples than we actually do, we'd fix it so that we could win. But we won't. Competition details after the jump...
We've been running a lot of competitions lately, and they've all been doozies. But this one might just be the dooziest. You see, today we're giving away two flights to the Canary Islands. Not a DVD of a flight, not tickets to see the flight in concert - two actual flights that will literally take you all the way to the Canary Islands. And back again. We've been given the prize by Canary Islands Tourism, and if we had any fewer scruples than we actually do, we'd fix it so that we could win. But we won't. Competition details after the jump...
Win A Signed Copy Of Tekken 6 Now, Please
Now this is a prize. Everyone knows how much Tekken rules. It beats Mortal Kombat. It bitch-slaps Virtua Fighter. It dumps on the chest of Street Fighter. And now Tekken 6 is out, which is beyond wonderful. But what could make the release of Tekken 6 more wonderful? How about a competition where you can win an Xbox 360 copy of Tekken 6 that's been signed by the game's director Harada-San plus a selection of nonspecific Tekken 6 merchandise? Good. After the jump, innit.
Now this is a prize. Everyone knows how much Tekken rules. It beats Mortal Kombat. It bitch-slaps Virtua Fighter. It dumps on the chest of Street Fighter. And now Tekken 6 is out, which is beyond wonderful. But what could make the release of Tekken 6 more wonderful? How about a competition where you can win an Xbox 360 copy of Tekken 6 that's been signed by the game's director Harada-San plus a selection of nonspecific Tekken 6 merchandise? Good. After the jump, innit.
Six Terrifying Movies To Watch This Halloween
Ahhh, is there any greater feeling than cuddling up to the woman/man that you love, watching a frightening movie on DVD, then spending the rest of the evening in a cold sweat, convinced that if you fall asleep - even for a second - they will start surgically taking you apart with a razor blade? This weekend it's Halloween, which means that a large portion of young people will dress up like dicks, and go around the streets badgering people for sweets, whilst others will go to parties dressed as orcs, and a very small percentage will kill for the first time. If you don't fit into any of those categories, perhaps you should spend the night in watching one of these six chillers? (we were going to do 666, but decided that six would just about cover it).
Ahhh, is there any greater feeling than cuddling up to the woman/man that you love, watching a frightening movie on DVD, then spending the rest of the evening in a cold sweat, convinced that if you fall asleep - even for a second - they will start surgically taking you apart with a razor blade? This weekend it's Halloween, which means that a large portion of young people will dress up like dicks, and go around the streets badgering people for sweets, whilst others will go to parties dressed as orcs, and a very small percentage will kill for the first time. If you don't fit into any of those categories, perhaps you should spend the night in watching one of these six chillers? (we were going to do 666, but decided that six would just about cover it).
Look Kids, It’s Some Hollywood Stars Doing Panto!
For those who don't know what Panto is, it's like a really rowdy play at the theatre, where babies are allowed to weep hysterically throughout, old men have permission to shout racist slurs at the soap opera actors, most of whom casually blurt out crudely masked sexual references in front of an auditorium mainly comprising eight-year-olds. As is befitting such a glorious show, Panto season coincides with Christmas. The big news this year is that Pamela Anderson will be taking part in a production of Aladdin - she's playing the genie. The results of this have been twofold. Firstly, the audience will feel a shift in the child-to-adult ratio, with a slew of horny fathers wiping sweat from their top lips, as Pammie makes some clumsy reference to her tits. And secondly, it could mark the beginning of a Hollywood Panto season takeover. In years to come we might have De Niro playing Buttons in whichever panto it is that features Buttons. We also think that Ed Norton could really shine as Dick Whittington. But, until then, let's bask in some of the big names from over the pond who have already lit up these so-called Pantomimes...
For those who don't know what Panto is, it's like a really rowdy play at the theatre, where babies are allowed to weep hysterically throughout, old men have permission to shout racist slurs at the soap opera actors, most of whom casually blurt out crudely masked sexual references in front of an auditorium mainly comprising eight-year-olds. As is befitting such a glorious show, Panto season coincides with Christmas. The big news this year is that Pamela Anderson will be taking part in a production of Aladdin - she's playing the genie. The results of this have been twofold. Firstly, the audience will feel a shift in the child-to-adult ratio, with a slew of horny fathers wiping sweat from their top lips, as Pammie makes some clumsy reference to her tits. And secondly, it could mark the beginning of a Hollywood Panto season takeover. In years to come we might have De Niro playing Buttons in whichever panto it is that features Buttons. We also think that Ed Norton could really shine as Dick Whittington. But, until then, let's bask in some of the big names from over the pond who have already lit up these so-called Pantomimes...
Win Obsessed On DVD Now, Please
Obsessed, now that was a brilliant film. Just like Fatal Attraction, but none of the women had stupid haircuts and you didn't see Michael Douglas' nipples. Brilliant. And even more brilliant is the fact that, because it's out on DVD next week, we've got three copies of Obsessed to give to you. You'll like it - it's just like Dreamgirls except Beyonce doesn't burst into song all the poxy time and there's a fistfight at the end of it. Brilliant. The Obsessed competition details are after the jump...
Obsessed, now that was a brilliant film. Just like Fatal Attraction, but none of the women had stupid haircuts and you didn't see Michael Douglas' nipples. Brilliant. And even more brilliant is the fact that, because it's out on DVD next week, we've got three copies of Obsessed to give to you. You'll like it - it's just like Dreamgirls except Beyonce doesn't burst into song all the poxy time and there's a fistfight at the end of it. Brilliant. The Obsessed competition details are after the jump...
Awesome or Off-Putting: The Chronovisor, A Time Travelling TV-ish Thingy
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. The trouble with time travel is that if you go to the past and step on a butterfly, that butterfly's family will then travel to the future and murder you and everyone you love. We can't remember how that old adage goes, actually. That makes the Chronovisor, invented by Father Pellegrino Ernetti, quite convenient. On it, you see, you can view the past without disturbing it - TV style.
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. The trouble with time travel is that if you go to the past and step on a butterfly, that butterfly's family will then travel to the future and murder you and everyone you love. We can't remember how that old adage goes, actually. That makes the Chronovisor, invented by Father Pellegrino Ernetti, quite convenient. On it, you see, you can view the past without disturbing it - TV style.
Awesome Or Off-Putting: The Hexham Heads & The Werewolf That Watches Them
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Every now and again someone, somewhere finds little stone heads for which gigantic, misshapen wolves always come hunting. Well to be sure, we said 'every now and again' - but we meant it only happened once that we've heard of. And incidentally - those wolves we mentioned, well they don't just track you as you and your over-sized Spider-Man backpack walk to school - they angrily plod through your house too. Searching all the while.
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Every now and again someone, somewhere finds little stone heads for which gigantic, misshapen wolves always come hunting. Well to be sure, we said 'every now and again' - but we meant it only happened once that we've heard of. And incidentally - those wolves we mentioned, well they don't just track you as you and your over-sized Spider-Man backpack walk to school - they angrily plod through your house too. Searching all the while.
