Farting On The Telly

Although it's been hijacked by health nuts in recent years, Yoga is actually an ancient Indian spiritual practise whereby creepy old men sit at the back of a room and watch women fart.

Everyone farts when they do yoga. It's the law. If you bend around in enough positions for long enough, you're bound to squeeze the air out of your body somehow - and, really, what is the bumhole if not a dirty gas valve? But while most people fart when they do yoga, not everyone farts when they do yoga on TV.

Not like this young lady. The video is a masterclass of suspense - you know the fart's coming, but when? When her knees are tucked into her chest? When she rocks her body back into the sitting position? The tension, we're quite sure, will kill you. Also, full marks for the fart reaction - if only Regis had gone for the synchronised double fall he wouldn't have looked so pitiful when he trumped on TV. 

Farting On The Telly is a new irregular feature where we post videos of people farting on the telly for no other reason than the momentary puerile sense of glee it gives us. And today we're starting with a classic - Regis Philbin.

This video is… well, it's a video of Regis Philbin farting on the telly, obviously, but it's also a heartbreaking glimpse into the fate that will befall us all. There you are, king of the world, getting paid vast amounts of money to talk rubbish while sitting next to a pretty lady young enough to be your granddaughter. Maybe sometimes you like to entertain the notion that there's a flicker of sexual attraction between the two of you. Yep, you've still got it, old-timer.

And then you fart. And she laughs.

She laughs because farts are funny. Everyone laughs at a fart. Except you. "What have I become?" you forlornly ask yourself as the facade of the lovable entertainer drops away and exposes you for what you really are - an old man who's just loudly shat gas in front of an entire nation. Honestly, the look on Regis Philbin's face after the fart borders on the tragic.

Still, good use of the immediate subject change that's three whole octaves higher than his regular speaking voice as a get-out. There's a lesson for all there.