Those pesky electronic pimps are at it again. eBay had got it’s ear bent once by Bob Geldof, after Live 8 tickets were being put up for auction on the site. Now, they’ve noticed that some cheeky scamps were auctioning illegal Live 8 DVDs.
Now, after complaints by the music industry, eBay is removing the illegal Live 8 DVDs.
Over the next few weeks, months, whenever we run out of ideas, hecklerspray will be looking closely at cars.
We are not talking about the kind of motors Jeremy Clarkson would remortgage his house to own. No, we mean crap cars. Runabouts from an age when central locking meant leaning over the passenger side door to let your mate in. We love these cars for their simplicity, their charm, but most of all their price. If a motor’s not cheaper to buy than a Dyson vacuum cleaner we’re not interested.
Come with us and delve retro lovers, it’s time to discover a rubbish car we love…
Ford Fiesta Mark 2
If there is a person alive in the UK, perhaps aged no younger than their mid-twenties, who hasn’t driven one of these little beauties we would be very surprised. The Ford Fiesta Mark 2, once upon a time everyone’s ubiquitous ‘first car’, is now a rarer sight than a free parking space in London. In other words, they’re practically extinct.
The original Mark 1 Fiesta hit the streets like a tin of rusty nails way back in 1976. Pitched for ladies and who couldn’t afford a Triumph Stag to do their shopping in, the plucky hatchback’s size, economy, and occasional appearance in episodes of The Professionals made it a big success for Ford.
Bob Geldof has got typically angry at people using eBay to sell their Live 8 tickets for profit. It seems that no matter what he tries to do, it always backfires.
Bob Geldof wants to send fleets of boats across the channel to pick up
continental protesters, but it’s made angry people worry about immigrants. He plans a series of big free Live 8 concerts to help African poverty, then fills them full of doddery old musicians. He tries to give the Live 8 tickets away as a gesture of goodwill, but people try and sell them on eBay. And by jove, he’s had enough.
Speaking for Live 8, Geldof raged at eBay. "I am sick with this. The people who are selling it are miserable wretches but far worse is the corporate culture which capitalises on people’s misery".
Arnold Schwarzenegger (DVDs/Books) is the most bananas man in the world. He burns his kids’ clothes! He wants to destroy the moon to stop women "bitching and whining"! He’s the Governor of California!
Face it, everyone wants to live like Arnold. But we can’t. And we can’t live like his movie characters either, going around killing people by spearing them with pipes or dropping them off cliffs willy-nilly; or coming out with spontaneous one-liners like "Milk is for babies. Men drink beer" or "Fuck you, asshole". But we can die like him. To some extent.
In Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines, there was a particularly mental scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger killed a load of people with a coffin on his shoulder. The coffin got a few bullet-holes in it, but it got through OK. And guess what? You can now buy that very same coffin on eBay!
That means that in theory, if you’re willing to part with $3,500 before Saturday morning, you can be buried in the bullet-riddled coffin Arnold Schwarzenegger protected his face with in a film once. It comes with a certificate of authenticity and everything!
You have to arrange your own shipping for this, or go to LA to pick it up, but that shouldn’t stop you.
If you buy it, don’t forget to let us know. We want to come round and lie in it for a bit.
Remember, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "I live to see you eat that contract… but I hope you save enough room for my FIST because I’m going to ram it into your GOD DAMN stomach and break your GOD DAMN SPINE!"
Buy Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Coffin From eBay RIGHT NOW!
Related stories:
The Paula Abdul American Idol scandal continues to rage through the world like an out of control child with too much fizzy drink inside it.
First, Paula Abdul was accused of seducing Corey Clark, a contestant on the show!
Then, a documentary came out damning Paula Abdul and her erratic behaviour!
Then, Paula Abdul was on Saturday Night Live, and made a man say "fuck", more or less!
Then, it was rumoured that Paula Abdul spent the entire SNL rehearsals crying like a big wimp!
And now, the dramatic climax… eBay are selling Paula Abdul and Corey Clark TOAST!
There’s not a lot really to add, except this amazing toast auction still has five days left for you to bid on it, and the current price is $15.50.
If you want to place a bid, though, be warned. The current highest bidders are the same people that bought Britney’s piss-sodden pregnancy kit. And you might just have to pull out a fat wedge of cash to stop them from becoming the world’s biggest collectors of weird famous crap.
Click here NOW to make yourself part of talent show sex/toast HISTORY!
Just think. You’ve got McCartney. You’ve got Linda. Possibly space fora sheepdog in the back. You’ve got a Lambo. Macca’s driving at a cautious 35mph. Linda’s dreaming of lentils. It is 1975.
Fast forward to 2005 and ask yourself this: have I got spare few grand and an eye for a bargain?
Then check out eBay, which has a 1970’s Lamborghini Espada for sale that was once owned by Beatles legend and all-round wacky Dad, Paul McCartney (CDs).
Resplendent in flame red and with a private plate that is said to have been fitted by Macca himself, this is a chance to gobble up a 350 BHP-piece of pop history that is both an investment and fast as fook.
Thumbs aloft!
At least that’s the theory, since the Italian sportscar has been ’stored in a bar in Stoke for 3 years, high up so it can’t get damaged’.
Roadworthy qualities aside, it has nevertheless attracted interest, having seen bids rise from £5,000 on Friday to the current level - £8,600. There are 7 days to go, so we can expect a little action yet.
The reserve has not been met either, but hell, the car retailed for £9,775 when it came to market more than 30 years ago, so the current price seems like a goer. We only hope the Lambo is…
Similar cars can be found for sale in the UK for around £18,000.
So, as Paully Walnuts would say, here’s a word to the wise: it beats the shit out of an annual return of 5% APR on your cash, and is a sexier investment to boot.
Let us know if you buy it…
