eBay Treasures

This is a fact: when Britney Spears split up with Kevin Federline, more than 75% of the world's men mistakenly thought that they had a chance with her - but now that Britney Spears has decided to go bald, the percentage has dropped to around zero.

You'll already know by now that Britney Spears decided to go bald and had her head shaved on Friday night - oh, and thanks a lot Britney; next time we decide to do something as classically deranged as that we'll do it after you've just packed up for the weekend - but now the clever owner of the salon has decided to try to sell bald Britney Spears' old hair on eBay. And it would have worked too, if only it weren't for those darn fake bids.

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Well, we knew that Tom Cruise would be tightening his belt after being shown the door by Paramount, but this is something else - he's now selling one of his daughter Suri Cruise's bronzed turds.

OK, that's not strictly true - Tom Cruise isn't actually selling the bronze Suri Cruise turd, and there's quite a strong chance that the bronze poo didn't actually belong to Suri Cruise in the first place. But that doesn't really matter - a bronze crap that purportedly dropped out of Suri Cruise's bum has gone on display in Brooklyn before it goes on sale on eBay. That's right - you could own one of Suri Cruise's bronze turds!

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Hey you! Do you straddle the line separating 'conscientious charity-giver' and 'materialistic gatherer of celebrity tat'? You do? Then have we ever got an offer for you! Matthew McConaughey is selling his car for charity.

Which charity is Matthew McConaughey selling his car for? His hair transplant top-up fund? A charity to find him films that aren't hopelessly contrived romantic comedies? No, and how dare you suggest that. In fact, Matthew McConaughey is auctioning off his 1971 Corvette Stingray on eBay to raise money for Oprah's Angels, a charity which will help raise money to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. 

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Uri Geller is the world's most famous bender. And, judging by the purchase he recently made, Uri Geller is also one of the world's richest benders too - he's just bought a house belonging to Elvis.

Not Graceland, obviously - not even Uri Geller can melt enough brains to swing that - but the ranch-style home that Elvis Presley lived in before he moved to Graceland. Why did Uri Geller buy an old Elvis gaff? Why don't you mumble some gibberish about energy and power and numbers in a silly voice - you'd be surprisingly close. (more…)

The world is an evil place. There are plenty of things to worry about: men rampaging through streets with guns, endless suicide attacks, people selling phony Blue Peter badges on the Internet.

You read that right - some unscrupulous sellers have been hawking dummy Blue Peter badges on eBay, claiming that Blue Peter badge-wearers can gain entry into more than 100 public attractions. The bastards - don’t they know that Blue Peter badges are just for geeky friendless youngsters and nobody else?

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People have many different ways of spending the week leading up to Christmas, but bidding on an eBay auction for a toilet that belonged to Jerry Garcia is one of the least traditional.

Nevertheless, that’s what will be happening this year - The Sophia Foundation, a nonprofit group, will be auctioning off the dead hippy drug-addict guitarist’s appliances through eBay.

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Internet sickos around the world are still mourning the moment when Britney Spears decided to remove her spangly bra from her charity eBay auction. They had all this money in their creepy memorabilia fund, and now there’s nothing to spend it on.

Well, there’s good news for all those disappointed rich celebrity fetishists. It might not be as pervtastic an item as Britney’s bra, but who cares - a silver Rolls Royce that belonged to Freddie Mercury has just gone on sale on eBay.

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Hey, creepy overweight Internet men! Ever wanted to buy a piece of underwear belonging to Britney Spears so that you can prance around in your bedroom wearing it and singing I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman?

Well, today is your lucky day! Britney Spears is auctioning off a bunch of her stuff on eBay to help the Mississippi Hurricane Recovery Fund. And yes, you can actually buy her bra.

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There are many different ways to be immortalised. You can be the first to do something genuinely heroic like Neil Armstrong. You can become the best ever at your chosen profession like Pele. Or you can shell out a bunch of cash to charity in return for seeing your name in a book.

16 writers are holding eBay auctions next month for the right to name
characters in new books to raise funds for an organisation promoting
free speech. One lucky winner of a charity auction will be ripped apart by zombies sent berserk by mobile phone signals in the new Stephen King novel.

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We’ve all been there. You’re innocently playing around on the internet when - whoops - you accidentally buy a car belonging to Elvis Presley.

Jason Shepherd from New York knows all about this. He’s won an eBay auction for an old Elvis car. But he says it’s a mistake, and now he won’t pay the $245,000.

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You’d have thought Jennifer Aniston had enough on her plate, what with her career being on the wane, and her husband running off with Lara Croft. But things can only get better, right?

Well, not exactly. As if she hadn’t been given enough kickings lately, you can now buy Jennifer Aniston’s old love letters. Her teenage sweetheart is predictably flogging them on eBay.

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Yes, London has beaten Paris to host the Olympic Games in 2012 and faces all sorts of logistical issues and no doubt commuter carnage while the Mayor attempts to fix the transport system.

But the big news is of course that those powersellers on eBay are busy preparing a new wave of shite to flog to the stupid. That’s right, buddy, the bread bins have been raided and toast has been prepared.

Take the following example. The ‘artist’ in question has carved the Olympic rings - well, four of them - and ‘London 2012′ onto the slightly overdone toast and listed the fucker on the auction site. Replete with the usual terrible puns.

Bidding hasn’t exactly taken off yet, so you - yes YOU - can own this piece of abused bread for just ONE DOLLAR. Tempted?

Buy a SLICE of history etc etc: eBay item 5405938544 (Ends 09-Jul-05 16:21:07 BST) - An Olympic Toast to Londons Bid.