This is a fact: when Britney Spears split up with Kevin Federline, more than 75% of the world's men mistakenly thought that they had a chance with her - but now that Britney Spears has decided to go bald, the percentage has dropped to around zero.

You'll already know by now that Britney Spears decided to go bald and had her head shaved on Friday night - oh, and thanks a lot Britney; next time we decide to do something as classically deranged as that we'll do it after you've just packed up for the weekend - but now the clever owner of the salon has decided to try to sell bald Britney Spears' old hair on eBay. And it would have worked too, if only it weren't for those darn fake bids.

Well, we knew that Tom Cruise would be tightening his belt after being shown the door by Paramount, but this is something else - he's now selling one of his daughter Suri Cruise's bronzed turds.

OK, that's not strictly true - Tom Cruise isn't actually selling the bronze Suri Cruise turd, and there's quite a strong chance that the bronze poo didn't actually belong to Suri Cruise in the first place. But that doesn't really matter - a bronze crap that purportedly dropped out of Suri Cruise's bum has gone on display in Brooklyn before it goes on sale on eBay. That's right - you could own one of Suri Cruise's bronze turds!

Hey you! Do you straddle the line separating 'conscientious charity-giver' and 'materialistic gatherer of celebrity tat'? You do? Then have we ever got an offer for you! Matthew McConaughey is selling his car for charity.

Which charity is Matthew McConaughey selling his car for? His hair transplant top-up fund? A charity to find him films that aren't hopelessly contrived romantic comedies? No, and how dare you suggest that. In fact, Matthew McConaughey is auctioning off his 1971 Corvette Stingray on eBay to raise money for Oprah's Angels, a charity which will help raise money to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. 

Uri Geller is the world's most famous bender. And, judging by the purchase he recently made, Uri Geller is also one of the world's richest benders too - he's just bought a house belonging to Elvis.

Not Graceland, obviously - not even Uri Geller can melt enough brains to swing that - but the ranch-style home that Elvis Presley lived in before he moved to Graceland. Why did Uri Geller buy an old Elvis gaff? Why don't you mumble some gibberish about energy and power and numbers in a silly voice - you'd be surprisingly close.

You read that right - some unscrupulous sellers have been hawking dummy Blue Peter badges on eBay, claiming that Blue Peter badge-wearers can gain entry into more than 100 public attractions. The bastards - don't they know that Blue Peter badges are just for geeky friendless youngsters and nobody else?

People have many different ways of spending the week leading up to Christmas, but bidding on an eBay auction for a toilet that belonged to Jerry Garcia is one of the least traditional.

Nevertheless, that's what will be happening this year - The Sophia Foundation, a nonprofit group, will be auctioning off the dead hippy drug-addict guitarist's appliances through eBay.

Internet sickos around the world are still mourning the moment when Britney Spears decided to remove her spangly bra from her charity eBay auction. They had all this money in their creepy memorabilia fund, and now there's nothing to spend it on.

Well, there's good news for all those disappointed rich celebrity fetishists. It might not be as pervtastic an item as Britney's bra, but who cares - a silver Rolls Royce that belonged to Freddie Mercury has just gone on sale on eBay.

Hey, creepy overweight Internet men! Ever wanted to buy a piece of underwear belonging to Britney Spears so that you can prance around in your bedroom wearing it and singing I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman?

Well, today is your lucky day! Britney Spears is auctioning off a bunch of her stuff on eBay to help the Mississippi Hurricane Recovery Fund. And yes, you can actually buy her bra.