Madonna has said that she will not vote for Ken Livingston at the upcoming London Mayoral elections.
Madonna, as we all know, is a renegade - in both senses of the word.
Indeed, if you were to google the word 'renegade', the returning results would probably offer little more than a biog of her maverick career, alongside the likes of Jesse James, Billy the Kid and Mel Gibson.
What do you get if you cross a patriotic British boxing Muslim, a warped owl-faced England hating clerical Muslim, and a Tory MP?
You guessed it; 3 morons.
Let us begin with the warped, owl-faced England-hating clerical Muslim. His name's Omar Bakri Mohammed, he's estimated to be about 50 years old and comes from Syria. Omar, currently exiled in Lebanon after having been deported from the UK for being a rather naughty individual indeed - he once described the 9/11 hijackers as the 'Magnificent 19' (very funny, Omar, but the joke will be on you when you discover that 19 central characters is gonna be tough to cram into 120 pages of script; there's a reason why we in the west chose 7. Well, it was because we stole it off Kurosawa, but that's an entirely different matter, Omar, the point we're getting to follows shortly after these brackets) - has accused Amir Khan of being a prick, basically.
Chelsea and England football captain John Terry has been caught red-handed parking in a disabled bay.
According to The Sun, John Terry (Grandma Hecklerspray always said to never trust man with two first names) parked his Bentley (Grandma Hecklerspray always said that people who drove Bentley's were nob-heads) illegally outside Pizza Express in Esher, Surrey, for about two whole hours.
So while he and his 'holier-than-disabled' family perused the menu, a cavalcade of disabled drivers drove endlessly around and around the streets of Esher desperately looking for a place to park, crying tears of disabled despair.
This could be Hillary Clinton's last week of trying to be the next American president, so now's the time to bring out the big guns.
Well, alright - not the big guns exactly. But at least the elderly, debauched, paunchy guns have been wheeled out. And by that we plainly mean Jack Nicholson.
Ahead of this week's vital Ohio and Texas primaries, Jack Nicholson has put together a campaign video of him in some of his most famous roles to drum up support for Hillary Clinton. And we're sure Jack's pro-Hillary message will get through to the two or three people who saw it and didn't cack themselves at the sight of the drunk-looking, growling, dishevelled jowl-monster who pops up at the end like the obese ghost of your abusive grandfather.
'One World One Dream' is China's slogan for the 2008 Olympics which, on the face of it, makes their government seem no more harmful than Bono.
And if Bono rang you up and said he wanted you to be artistic advisor for one of his gigs promoting this ‘One World One Dream’ ideal and he’d pay you a lot of money for it, so much so that the shame of working with U2 was totally rescinded, you’d no doubt quickly jump on board and put on one hell of a 3D laser-fest.
Today is Super Tuesday, which we think is what Americans call Pancake Day.
Not really - every day is Pancake Day if you're American. In fact, Super Tuesday is when everyone decides which person they'd like to think about choosing as the candidate that might possibly end up being the President or something. And all of the candidates need all the help they can get.
Barack Obama knows this, which is why he got The Grateful Dead to reform in a show of support. So at least he's got the wizened old cheesy-toenailed hippy vote sewn up.
Not everyone, it seems, shared hecklerspray's reaction to the recent Tom Cruise Scientology video (which happened to be a mixture of hilarity and genuine fear, particularly when he burst into the sort of laughter you'd expect from a Lord Of The Rings baddie. Or maybe Xenu himself).
A lot of Hollywood-types are getting mightily annoyed that the media has been poking fun at a pompous, overpaid millionaire with Christ-like delusions of grandeur and eyes so scary they should have their own Japanese horror franchise.
Major US magazine People has rounded up a bunch of celebrities who want to let the whole world - or just soccer moms thumbing through a copy at the checkout - just how goshdarn annoyed they are.
You there! Fancy a 'flutter', do you?
Let's face it - even if you ascribe to Bill Hicks' philosophy that American politics is basically choosing which puppet can give the best impression of your beliefs (something Britain seems to have emulated too), then you might as well make a bit of cash out of this whole upcoming election shebang.
So we're all doomed to Armageddon no matter who gets into office? Who cares? You've got a tenner that's burning a hole in yer pocket, and you'll be damned if you're not going to do something election-based with it, right here, right now.
Let's kick things off with the big boy, then: the betting odds for which party is going to win the 2008 US Presidential Election, as mapped out by those lovely people over at Paddy Power.
Apparently, Oprah Winfrey now owns the award-winning entertainment website hecklerspray.
The talk show diva has been on an empire-building roll lately as she's only just acquired a gigantic cable television channel, and already had a really nice house full of golden things and crystal and stuff.
About three minutes ago ol' Stu Heritage decided that today was gonna be the day he and Nicole Kidman run through a field of flowers bought with Scientology money. And so it is, the majestic all-powerful mantle of hecklerspray falls upon Shawn Lindseth, an olympic hopeful and partial amputee.
It's his foot. It's only partially amputated because it's just twisted backwards.
It's a fact that In The Night Garden is probably the best TV show - no, the best piece of art - ever.
But as much fun as In The Night Garden looks, what with Igglepiggle's weird bell-foot, Makka Pakka constantly using his Uff Uff to clean things like an obsessive compulsive and the ongoing pioneering journeys of the Ninky Nonk and the Pinky Ponk, in reality it's not that much fun.
Isaac Blake, who played one of the Tombliboos, is suing In The Night Garden's creators for unfair dismissal, even though it's claimed he did nothing but stare at men's crotches all day. He's seeking unspecified damages and full custody of the Olly Bolly Dob Dob.
Jay Leno is going about this writers strike all wrong. Here he sits with a rare opportunity to experiment in a writer-free world, and you know what he's doing? Nothing!
We happen to know for a fact that Leno has been offered the chance to neuter 15 pencil-thin Mexicans on live TV and he didn't even respond to our email! Well it looks like Jay Leno wants our neighbour across-the-street to keep breeding more Mexican baby basement slaves then, now doesn't it. You've won this round Mr. Johnson, but you can't enslave a child that isn't here!
Non existence is the ultimate freedom!
But as much as he is impartial to the enslavement of children and probably their parents in Johnson's cellar, Jay Leno is un-impartial about the writers strike. He went back to work recently with the blessing of the Writers Guild, and delivered an impeccable monologue. The thing was so good that the Writers Guild thinks he may be using a secret writing staff and now they want to kill him forever.
We wrote that lat bit from scratch. Sweeping and powerful, right? We're not union.
