From the category archives:

Creased Or Folded

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

This week’s good and bad.

Folded:

* Eastern Promises (it’s upcoming and it’s by Cronenberg, so you have to be a little excited)

* Sex.com by Kieren McCarthy (read all about the most battle for the most expensive domain name ever in this fascinating book)

* www.Mansized.co.uk (for the discerning gentleman. Take a look when we next have a technological meltdown)

* Duffman (with The Simpsons being so hit and miss these days, you might actually forget just how funny this guy is. Oh, yeah!)

* Spencer Kelly from the BBC’s Click programme (seems like an affable bloke. Interesting show too)

Creased:

* Cold cinemas (if you sit in your jacket you won’t feel the benefit when you go outside. It’s not a good thing)

* Batteries in your digital camera (Duracells cost a fortune and those rechargeable ones last about ten minutes. Ooh, technology is sooooo cool!)

* That ‘inherited’ craving for junk food (proceeding the ‘inherited’ bowl cancer we assume)

* Using wi-fi (if someone hasn’t already hacked your account and bought a timeshare in the Andes, you’re just waiting)

* Atonement starring Keira Knightley and James McAvoy (the film’s score has the sound of a busy typewriter spliced into it. That’s reason enough)

This week’s good and bad. Folded: * Eastern Promises (it’s upcoming and it’s by Cronenberg, so you have to be a little excited) * Sex.com by Kieren McCarthy (read all about the most battle for the most expensive domain name ever in this fascinating book) * www.Mansized.co.uk (for the discerning gentleman. Take a look when we next have a technological meltdown) * Duffman (with The Simpsons being so hit and miss these days, you might actually forget just how funny this guy is. Oh, yeah!) * Spencer Kelly from the BBC’s Click programme (seems like an affable bloke. Interesting show too) Creased: * Cold cinemas (if you sit in your jacket you won’t feel the benefit when you go outside. It’s not a good thing) * Batteries in your digital camera (Duracells cost a fortune and those rechargeable ones last about ten minutes. Ooh, technology is sooooo cool!) * That ‘inherited’ craving for junk food (proceeding the ‘inherited’ bowl cancer we assume) * Using wi-fi (if someone hasn’t already hacked your account and bought a timeshare in the Andes, you’re just waiting) * Atonement starring Keira Knightley and James McAvoy (the film’s score has the sound of a busy typewriter spliced into it. That’s reason enough)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

You say Creased, we say Folded. And Creased. Folded: Reign Over Me on DVD 20th August (moving, funny drama with Adam Sandler. Yes, Adam Sandler) Clocky (an alarm clock that drives away when you hit ‘Snooze’. Great if you wake up dead, like us) Raging Bull (back in cinemas on the 17th. Yes, it is [...]

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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Folded = yey, Creased = ney.

Folded:

* The lovely people at Walkers crisps (we’d thank you by phone, but our mouths are so full of such crispy tasty goodness)

* The Avengers (re-runs currently on BBC4. If you think Channel 4’s Cape Wrath is weird, you wanna try this wonderful oddity from the 1960s)

* Screw-top wine (in, fridge, open, tip, spill, drink, tip, drink, drink, drink, collapse. What an innovation!)

* Shia LaBeouf (this charismatic kid was the second best thing about the totally awful Transformers movie and he’s even appearing in Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods next year. Nice going)

* Home s urgery (dig out some grit from under the skin of the ball of your foot with a slightly rusting kitchen knife? Still better than the NHS)

Creased:

* People who nick your baby names (they’re good and you own them, so tell nobody. That’s ‘Skid’ and ‘Queenie’ off the list for a start)

* Not a good summer for the blockbusters… so far (we all pin our hopes on Bourne)

* Hairspray remake (not terrible by any means, just head-scratchingly pointless)

* Silver TVs (they look horrible and cheap after a bit. How about bringing the now ‘retro’ black ones back?)

* Jumbo Liza Tarbuck in those Asda TV adverts (even more bury-yourself-in-the-sofa-from-toe-curling-embarrassment cringeworthy than the Paul Whitehouse ones)

Folded = yey, Creased = ney. Folded: * The lovely people at Walkers crisps (we’d thank you by phone, but our mouths are so full of such crispy tasty goodness) * The Avengers (re-runs currently on BBC4. If you think Channel 4’s Cape Wrath is weird, you wanna try this wonderful oddity from the 1960s) * Screw-top wine (in, fridge, open, tip, spill, drink, tip, drink, drink, drink, collapse. What an innovation!) * Shia LaBeouf (this charismatic kid was the second best thing about the totally awful Transformers movie and he’s even appearing in Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods next year. Nice going) * Home s urgery (dig out some grit from under the skin of the ball of your foot with a slightly rusting kitchen knife? Still better than the NHS) Creased: * People who nick your baby names (they’re good and you own them, so tell nobody. That’s ‘Skid’ and ‘Queenie’ off the list for a start) * Not a good summer for the blockbusters… so far (we all pin our hopes on Bourne) * Hairspray remake (not terrible by any means, just head-scratchingly pointless) * Silver TVs (they look horrible and cheap after a bit. How about bringing the now 'retro' black ones back?) * Jumbo Liza Tarbuck in those Asda TV adverts (even more bury-yourself-in-the-sofa-from-toe-curling-embarrassment cringeworthy than the Paul Whitehouse ones)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Folded is good, ya? Creased, bad.

Folded:

* Calming down your Facebook intake (if for some reason you can’t go on the site for a few weeks, say because of illness, too busy, or too much on the TV, when you trudge back on everything seems more serene. You have regained your life)

* Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (…is so good. Save this someone, damn you!)

* Giant seventies walkie-talkies (the second best thing about cheesy retro TV shows. The first being the Best Of All Time theme tunes)

* Kurt Russell (for being such a goddam king of the screen. The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Escape From New York…legend)

* August 6th: Kate Nash’s debut album coming out early (enjoy her while you can, it’ll be all backlash soon)

Creased:

* www.cuteoverload.com (prepare to lose your breakfast, lunch and dinner – assuming that you eat them all at the same time and then look at this nauseating site a couple of minutes after)

* Those singing ‘you’ve got a friend’ AA breakdown adverts (too appalling to even be embarrassing. Unless you’re in one, in which case you should be ashamed of yourself. Hope the money was good)

* The death of (no.1) Ingmar Bergman (his films were never a barrel of laughs, but as a screenwriter he was an absolute master)

* Kurt Russell (just remembered Captain Ron, Poseidon and Escape From L.A… his legendary cock-ups)

* The death of (no.2) Mike Reid (“turn it in”, “shut it, trappy” – his redness shall [most likely] be missed [by someone])

Folded is good, ya? Creased, bad. Folded: * Calming down your Facebook intake (if for some reason you can’t go on the site for a few weeks, say because of illness, too busy, or too much on the TV, when you trudge back on everything seems more serene. You have regained your life) * Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (…is so good. Save this someone, damn you!) * Giant seventies walkie-talkies (the second best thing about cheesy retro TV shows. The first being the Best Of All Time theme tunes) * Kurt Russell (for being such a goddam king of the screen. The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Escape From New York…legend) * August 6th: Kate Nash’s debut album coming out early (enjoy her while you can, it’ll be all backlash soon) Creased: * www.cuteoverload.com (prepare to lose your breakfast, lunch and dinner – assuming that you eat them all at the same time and then look at this nauseating site a couple of minutes after) * Those singing ‘you’ve got a friend’ AA breakdown adverts (too appalling to even be embarrassing. Unless you’re in one, in which case you should be ashamed of yourself. Hope the money was good) * The death of (no.1) Ingmar Bergman (his films were never a barrel of laughs, but as a screenwriter he was an absolute master) * Kurt Russell (just remembered Captain Ron, Poseidon and Escape From L.A… his legendary cock-ups) * The death of (no.2) Mike Reid (“turn it in”, “shut it, trappy” – his redness shall [most likely] be missed [by someone])
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

“Is that with pay or without pay?”

Folded:

* The Simpsons Movie has arrived! (check your pulse, the only way this is won’t be exciting to you is if you’re dead)

* Puppet on a Chain (gripping Alistair MacLean B-movie from 1971. Some impressively visceral judo fights and a boat chase to make your legs wobble. Wonder who’ll be remaking it..?)

* The Kurt Cobain ‘action figure’ (re-enact all your favourite Nirvana moments with bendy Kurt and some mocked-up Action Man toys. Pass Go, collect your anti-depressants)

* More insane Rambo 4 mayhem (Rambo tearing some poor fellow’s head clean off his shoulders with his bare hands? Sly’s off his meds!)

* Heroes finally on BBC2 (slightly plodding start that will, has to, get better)

Creased:

* Cooking (it’s not relaxing – making a mess, buying pricey ingredients, washing up, too hot, burning yourself – it’s stressful)

* Prime Cut (recently shown late night on BBC1. If seeing Sissy Spacek naked in her first ever movie role is for you, seek this out. Otherwise don’t bother)

* Cancelling Lovefilm.com (you’ve had the 30 days free trial, you phone up to cancel your account, some guy with an impenetrable foreign accent tries desperately to talk you out of it – for a fucking hour)

* The Simpsons Movie special edition Xbox 360 (bright yellow? Cool. Just a hundred made? Exclusive. Only available as competition prizes? Fuck that)

* Floods (not been affected? Lucky bloody you)

“Is that with pay or without pay?” Folded: * The Simpsons Movie has arrived! (check your pulse, the only way this is won’t be exciting to you is if you’re dead) * Puppet on a Chain (gripping Alistair MacLean B-movie from 1971. Some impressively visceral judo fights and a boat chase to make your legs wobble. Wonder who’ll be remaking it..?) * The Kurt Cobain ‘action figure’ (re-enact all your favourite Nirvana moments with bendy Kurt and some mocked-up Action Man toys. Pass Go, collect your anti-depressants) * More insane Rambo 4 mayhem (Rambo tearing some poor fellow’s head clean off his shoulders with his bare hands? Sly’s off his meds!) * Heroes finally on BBC2 (slightly plodding start that will, has to, get better) Creased: * Cooking (it’s not relaxing - making a mess, buying pricey ingredients, washing up, too hot, burning yourself – it’s stressful) * Prime Cut (recently shown late night on BBC1. If seeing Sissy Spacek naked in her first ever movie role is for you, seek this out. Otherwise don’t bother) * Cancelling Lovefilm.com (you’ve had the 30 days free trial, you phone up to cancel your account, some guy with an impenetrable foreign accent tries desperately to talk you out of it – for a fucking hour) * The Simpsons Movie special edition Xbox 360 (bright yellow? Cool. Just a hundred made? Exclusive. Only available as competition prizes? Fuck that) * Floods (not been affected? Lucky bloody you)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Don’t try too hard to be aloof, you’ll come off like a student.

Folded:

* Transformers (cool toys, cool looking movie. That’ll do)

* Boogie Nights’ Birthday (10 years old this year and available as the most beautifully packaged region 1 DVD ever)

* Brian Belo’s ‘politics is showbiz for ugly people’ maxim (the Big Brother 8 contestant didn’t make this quote up, so he’s either just playing really dumb or reads the occasional magazine at his dentist’s. Either/or really – he’s nailing the game)

* Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip comes to More 4 (on the 26th July everyone can be happy ‘cos it’s Sorkin land all over again)

* Once In a Lifetime: Storyville on BBC2 (shown last Sunday, this was yet another excellent Storyville documentary. America tries to conquer the world with ‘soccer’ in the mid-1970’s. 2007, history repeats itself)

Creased:

* Moody teenagers (likely to be all over your front lawn moaning about being born for the rest of the summer)

* Umbrella-ellas-ellas-ellas, eh-eh-eh (they blow out in the wind and drive you mad on the radio)

* Optimus Prime Bust (click the link and see just what £45 will buy you in crazy world)

* Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip comes to More 4 (oh shit, it’s been cancelled)

* America according to Posh Spice (you all saw her on that TV show. She’s not taking the piss; she’s just a skinny-arsed bitch who should spend less time sucking her cheekbones and more time sucking the cock of someone important in the music business)

Don’t try too hard to be aloof, you’ll come off like a student. Folded: * Transformers (cool toys, cool looking movie. That’ll do) * Boogie Nights’ Birthday (10 years old this year and available as the most beautifully packaged region 1 DVD ever) * Brian Belo’s ‘politics is showbiz for ugly people’ maxim (the Big Brother 8 contestant didn’t make this quote up, so he’s either just playing really dumb or reads the occasional magazine at his dentist’s. Either/or really – he’s nailing the game) * Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip comes to More 4 (on the 26th July everyone can be happy ‘cos it’s Sorkin land all over again) * Once In a Lifetime: Storyville on BBC2 (shown last Sunday, this was yet another excellent Storyville documentary. America tries to conquer the world with ‘soccer’ in the mid-1970’s. 2007, history repeats itself) Creased: * Moody teenagers (likely to be all over your front lawn moaning about being born for the rest of the summer) * Umbrella-ellas-ellas-ellas, eh-eh-eh (they blow out in the wind and drive you mad on the radio) * Optimus Prime Bust (click the link and see just what £45 will buy you in crazy world) * Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip comes to More 4 (oh shit, it’s been cancelled) * America according to Posh Spice (you all saw her on that TV show. She’s not taking the piss; she’s just a skinny-arsed bitch who should spend less time sucking her cheekbones and more time sucking the cock of someone important in the music business)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

You don’t want Creased, but Folded will suit you just fine.

Folded:

* Fonejacker (it’s funny – maybe not week, after week, after week funny, but that’s Channel 4’s problem not yours)

* Yawning (a great way to tell people that you are bored shitless with whatever they are prattling on about. Plus it’s good for you too)

* The World’s Fastest Indian on DVD (on sale in Tesco’s for about a quid. Screw It’s A Wonderful Life, this is the best feelgood movie ever)

* Ducati 1000 ballpoint pen (a masterpiece of design that would make even signing your own will a joyous occasion)

* Banning under-sixteens from the catwalk (won’t stamp out anorexia, but will really piss off those Zoolander designer types who like to use children as sex objects to sell clothes. They should all be shot)

Creased:

* Motug Qee (really strange shit for really strange people)

* Hostel 2 (we’ve already told you this is rubbish and now we’ll tell you again: it’s rubbish, don’t go and see it)

* Crappy fit headphones (spend a fortune to make your iPod sound like a concert hall and the damn earplugs spend more time swinging round your neck than in your ears)

* Wimbledon washout (there was some great tennis, but to possibly misquote the legendary John McEnroe, “Why the fuck didn’t they play on the first Sunday?!”)

* Randy on My Name Is Earl (started out cute and dumb, now just fat and annoying)

You don’t want Creased, but Folded will suit you just fine. Folded: * Fonejacker (it’s funny - maybe not week, after week, after week funny, but that’s Channel 4’s problem not yours) * Yawning (a great way to tell people that you are bored shitless with whatever they are prattling on about. Plus it’s good for you too) * The World’s Fastest Indian on DVD (on sale in Tesco’s for about a quid. Screw It’s A Wonderful Life, this is the best feelgood movie ever) * Ducati 1000 ballpoint pen (a masterpiece of design that would make even signing your own will a joyous occasion) * Banning under-sixteens from the catwalk (won’t stamp out anorexia, but will really piss off those Zoolander designer types who like to use children as sex objects to sell clothes. They should all be shot) Creased: * Motug Qee (really strange shit for really strange people) * Hostel 2 (we’ve already told you this is rubbish and now we’ll tell you again: it’s rubbish, don’t go and see it) * Crappy fit headphones (spend a fortune to make your iPod sound like a concert hall and the damn earplugs spend more time swinging round your neck than in your ears) * Wimbledon washout (there was some great tennis, but to possibly misquote the legendary John McEnroe, “Why the fuck didn’t they play on the first Sunday?!”) * Randy on My Name Is Earl (started out cute and dumb, now just fat and annoying)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

Folded for the top, Creased for the bottom.

Folded:

* Apple iPhone hits the US (arrives in the UK later this year. You’ll buy one, or be ready to face accusations of being too gypo and poor)

* That ‘Goths Go Wild in Blackpool’ advert for Iron Bru (it’s a pity they all take themselves so seriously as this ad’s rather funny. Cheer up guys!)

* Ocean’s Thirteen (still showing in Wales probably. Go and watch if you can stand smugness in some of the finest suits imaginable)

* CSS (a halfway decent band or something to do with child support, we’re not sure)

* Just the tiniest bit of news relating to Life On Mars (want to see Gene Hunt’s lady sidekick in Ashes to Ashes? Here she is)

Creased:

* Jessica-Jane Clement (scary glamour girl with AWOL eyebrows, or trained ‘sexy swindler’ if you believe the TV. We don’t)

* Big Brother live feed (wanna sit up late at the weekend and watch TV? Try this monotony boring the shit out of you on three channels)

* Davina McCall (nice enough lady, but does she have to wear black every single time she’s on TV? Is she in mourning or something?)

* Finding space for all those extraneous birthday presents (more shelves, another Sunday gone)

* Dehydrated fruit (being healthy is disgusting)

Folded for the top, Creased for the bottom. Folded: * Apple iPhone hits the US (arrives in the UK later this year. You’ll buy one, or be ready to face accusations of being too gypo and poor) * That 'Goths Go Wild in Blackpool' advert for Iron Bru (it’s a pity they all take themselves so seriously as this ad’s rather funny. Cheer up guys!) * Ocean’s Thirteen (still showing in Wales probably. Go and watch if you can stand smugness in some of the finest suits imaginable) * CSS (a halfway decent band or something to do with child support, we’re not sure) * Just the tiniest bit of news relating to Life On Mars (want to see Gene Hunt’s lady sidekick in Ashes to Ashes? Here she is) Creased: * Jessica-Jane Clement (scary glamour girl with AWOL eyebrows, or trained ‘sexy swindler’ if you believe the TV. We don’t) * Big Brother live feed (wanna sit up late at the weekend and watch TV? Try this monotony boring the shit out of you on three channels) * Davina McCall (nice enough lady, but does she have to wear black every single time she’s on TV? Is she in mourning or something?) * Finding space for all those extraneous birthday presents (more shelves, another Sunday gone) * Dehydrated fruit (being healthy is disgusting)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

It’s all good – and bad.

Folded:

* Keith Allen Will Burn In Hell on Channel 4 (too late for last week’s deadline, this very funny documentary by a very funny man was very funny indeed)

* The Guardian (not the newspaper, the Kevin Costner coastguard drama. A great movie for people who don’t watch movies very much, as it has every cliché imaginable crammed into its generous two-hour running time. Of course, they are not clichés to the people who don’t watch movies very much, so that’s all right then)

* Gordon Brown as the new Prime Minister (far be it from us to get too political, but, with fingers crossed and buttocks clenched, we remain hopeful)

* Wimbledon (good tennis at the moment, when it’s not raining)

* “It turns out you’re just fat.” and “If you can’t afford a car, you can’t afford a baby” – two great pay offs from Karen Taylor (you’ll have to watch her BBC Three show Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor, or more specifically a repeat, for these gags to make sense, but that wouldn’t be such a bad thing)

Creased:

* Rain (once again half of Britain collapses under the weight of sustained downpours. Too hot? Fine, we know the tarmac might melt, we’re not used to it. Snow? Yes, it probably will block all the roads for a bit, we’re not Sweden. But Rain?! That’s all it ever does here, yet people still have to die because of it?!)

* Runaway on E4 (yet another ‘new 24’ that is both crap and cancelled)

* Nectarines (the world’s most useless fruit. Taste nice, but bruise if you breathe on them)

* Queueing on those postal DVD rental thingies (never put too many choices on your list, they’ll always send you the oldest one first.)

* Counterfeit Simpsons greetings cards (the faces look all wrong and Moe has jet black hair again)

It’s all good - and bad. Folded: * Keith Allen Will Burn In Hell on Channel 4 (too late for last week’s deadline, this very funny documentary by a very funny man was very funny indeed) * The Guardian (not the newspaper, the Kevin Costner coastguard drama. A great movie for people who don’t watch movies very much, as it has every cliché imaginable crammed into its generous two-hour running time. Of course, they are not clichés to the people who don’t watch movies very much, so that’s all right then) * Gordon Brown as the new Prime Minister (far be it from us to get too political, but, with fingers crossed and buttocks clenched, we remain hopeful) * Wimbledon (good tennis at the moment, when it’s not raining) * “It turns out you’re just fat.” and “If you can’t afford a car, you can’t afford a baby” – two great pay offs from Karen Taylor (you’ll have to watch her BBC Three show Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor, or more specifically a repeat, for these gags to make sense, but that wouldn’t be such a bad thing) Creased: * Rain (once again half of Britain collapses under the weight of sustained downpours. Too hot? Fine, we know the tarmac might melt, we’re not used to it. Snow? Yes, it probably will block all the roads for a bit, we’re not Sweden. But Rain?! That’s all it ever does here, yet people still have to die because of it?!) * Runaway on E4 (yet another ‘new 24’ that is both crap and cancelled) * Nectarines (the world’s most useless fruit. Taste nice, but bruise if you breathe on them) * Queueing on those postal DVD rental thingies (never put too many choices on your list, they’ll always send you the oldest one first.) * Counterfeit Simpsons greetings cards (the faces look all wrong and Moe has jet black hair again)
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Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is

by Chris Laverty

The good, the bad, the Folded, the Creased.

Folded:

* Charlie Brooker’s chucklesome Big Brother rundown in the Guide every weekend (if Saturday’s Guardian supplements weren’t covered in cellophane you could just nick the Guide magazine and not bother buying the paper. Unfortunately they are so pay up and look big)

* The new gold coloured PSP for regular people (go, baby, you’re money! Etc, etc)

* Mary, Queen of Shops (the programme is so-so, like Kitchen Nightmares without the nudity, but the title is the wittiest wordplay on TV since the magnificent Badger or Bust)

* Lovefilm.com’s gratis DVD trial (hunt around on Google and you can get a whole month of unlimited DVD rentals for free. Just be sure to cancel your membership afterwards. Or not, that’s up to you)

* Being brazen (if your takeaway is late really kick up a fuss, no matter how low-rent and scummy the eatery. If you’re lucky they’ll offer your next order free of charge. A public service, that’s what we are)

Creased:

* Facebook applications (give crappy icons to your friends – and pay for them with REAL MONEY?! Ner-mate)

* Impending birthdays (as much fun as impending Christmas. Cry if you want to)

* Dermot O’Leary on Big Brother’s Little Brother (so relentlessly cheery and lovely to everyone you know he just has to be a complete bastard in real life)

* The Total Film free ‘beer cosy’ (a far better idea than just charging less for the magazine)

* Justin Lee Collins is planning to reunite the cast of Star Wars (or just Anthony Daniels and that big fella who played Chewbacca)

The good, the bad, the Folded, the Creased. Folded: * Charlie Brooker’s chucklesome Big Brother rundown in the Guide every weekend (if Saturday’s Guardian supplements weren’t covered in cellophane you could just nick the Guide magazine and not bother buying the paper. Unfortunately they are so pay up and look big) * The new gold coloured PSP for regular people (go, baby, you’re money! Etc, etc) * Mary, Queen of Shops (the programme is so-so, like Kitchen Nightmares without the nudity, but the title is the wittiest wordplay on TV since the magnificent Badger or Bust) * Lovefilm.com’s gratis DVD trial (hunt around on Google and you can get a whole month of unlimited DVD rentals for free. Just be sure to cancel your membership afterwards. Or not, that’s up to you) * Being brazen (if your takeaway is late really kick up a fuss, no matter how low-rent and scummy the eatery. If you’re lucky they’ll offer your next order free of charge. A public service, that's what we are) Creased: * Facebook applications (give crappy icons to your friends – and pay for them with REAL MONEY?! Ner-mate) * Impending birthdays (as much fun as impending Christmas. Cry if you want to) * Dermot O’Leary on Big Brother’s Little Brother (so relentlessly cheery and lovely to everyone you know he just has to be a complete bastard in real life) * The Total Film free ‘beer cosy’ (a far better idea than just charging less for the magazine) * Justin Lee Collins is planning to reunite the cast of Star Wars (or just Anthony Daniels and that big fella who played Chewbacca)
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