This week’s Creased or Folded is FESTIVELY called Creased or Christmas. This week, things that are bad are creased (as usual) and things that are folded are Christmas. It’s really that simple.
Christmas
Creased
- Piers Morgan‘s face, demeanour and attitude towards other people in the world.
- Christmas – Have a crap one, okay? If you celebrate something else at this time of year then enjoy that instead. You can’t have both. Greedy.
There’s no more bad news. It’s almost Christmas, for Christ’s sake (geddit?) (sorry).
Your weekly round up of the news with more swearing and less sense of purpose.
Creased = Bad. Folded = Good. Sometimes clarification is the spice of life.
Folded
- Donald Glover – *blissfully ignores Pitchfork’s review*
- All I Want For Christmas Is… Err – Mariah Carey is http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-16073499.
- Hurricane Bawbag – The best named hurricane since Ophelia, the Southern Belle. Of course, it wasn’t a real hurricane. It’s called hyperbole, folks.
- Twitter’s Redesign – Isn’t it wonderful?!
Creased
Diversify or Die?
Folded
- Become a Spy! – Seriously…
- The Killing – Having a hard time working it out? Well, no longer with this handy guide which will help you through the colloquialisms and references. Perhaps you might want to move to Denmark by the end of it as you’ll be such an aficionado of the culture.
- Hasselhoff Is Off - No more Hoff Hassling on Britain’s Got Talent. The unfortunate trade-off of which being that Simon Cowell is coming back. Lock up Sinitta!
- Could Clarkson Get Sacked? – Regardless of your opinion about his comments on The One Show (shame on you for watching it, by the way), the idea that he could get sacked will come as good news to anyone who wants to see him presenting his own version of The Wright Stuff on Channel 5. What would it be called? Answers on a postcard…
- Abraham Lincoln – No, we’re not just really behind the times with this but those in the UK should have a look at this reappraisal of the man. It makes you question the very fabric of everything we know about America. Or does it? Seriously, watch it and find out for yourself you lazy sod.
Creased
Punchdrunk or Lovesick?
Folded
Creased
- Shit London – Being the bitter lot that we are, most of us here in the hecklerspray bedsit think That London’s pretty shit as a rule but here is the “proof”.
- Jamie Oliver – Shut up, we’re all bored. And wear a tie, you’re on the BBC for fuck’s sake.
- Q – Now he’s young and hip. Like the James Bond films. Can’t we just have a zombie Desmond Llewelyn? It’s the only way we’re going to be happy.
- The Manor Reborn – Seriously? What the hell is this?
Accept or Deny?
Folded
- Space, the Final Fron- oh, you’ve probably seen the timelapse video from the International Space Station already but just in case you haven’t, here it is again.
- Ferenc Puskas – You’ve probably not heard of him unless you’re into football (if you’re not, jump to the next item) but if you’re a fan of the great man then you might appreciate this article from The Guardian which proves he was a bloody nice chap too.
- Zombies – If you believe they’re a possibility then you’re an idiot but, in fairness, there is a shop that will cater to your warped delusions.
- Minimalism and superheroes usually go together like Piers Morgan and a sense of perspective but fortunately, this humorous print shows that when it’s done right, it’s ace.
Creased
- Demi Moore is divorcing Ashton Kutcher! Oh no! Now they’re going to be in the papers all the time when it’s blatantly obvious that no-one cares.
- Sepp Blatter – “I’m sorry I’m a racist but I’m staying because I have to work on eradicating ethnic minorities from the game.” That’s obviously not a direct quote but… it could have been.
- David Cameron - Can’t run the country, can’t do an Australian accent, can’t look like anything other than melted playdoh even when stuffed into a dinner suit. Is there anything the man can do? Well, obviously there is but he’s still got a piss-poor Aussie accent.
- Water Bottle Cannon – This is only creased because we happened to imagine what it must be like to take a blast from this to the stomach. Still, it knocks down walls. Respect your water cooler!
- The History of Emoticons – When words aren’t good enough, why not draw a little picture to express how you feel?
Cooked or Booked?
Folded
Creased
- Syco – For not.
- The Murdochs – Just a reminder.
- I’m A Celebrity…! – No you fucking well are not.
- The Keith Lemon Movie – God, no. Please. Anything but that. OH GODDDDDDDD!
- Twitter commentaries of things that are actually taking place on twitter. If people actually gave a fuck, they’d be watching it unfold themselves.
