From the category archives:

Celebrity Gossip

Kevin Federline Is Feelin’ Fine And Not Dying Of A Heart Attack At All!

by Kris Silver

It’s okay everybody, you can relax, there’s no more need to worry, Kevin Federline is fine. We know, you were scared that K-Fed might be taken from us too soon, but we’re pleased to announce that all is well with Britney’s Baby Daddy and he didn’t actually suffer a heart attack that none of us [...]

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Forget The Oscar Nominations! The Libertines Have A Documentary Coming Out!

by Matthew Laidlow

Why do people care about The Oscars? The winners get a lousy statue that resembles a gold-plated bottle of bubble bath with a screw top head. Hollywood has run out of ideas and has realised that the game is up, badly remaking Japanese films and adapting stupid books. But Generation Yoof won’t care about classic [...]

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Ofcom Chides ITV For Flogging Tulisa’s Rank perfume (Gervais Can Say “Mong” As Much As He Pleases)

by hecklerspray staff

OfCom, the protector of modern decency and punisher of all who swear at Manuel from Fawlty Towers, have ruled that ITV were breaking the rules when they let Tulisa waggle her arm at the cameras. And not in a Rebel Without a Cause, sexy, doing it with the lights on, leaving the lid off the [...]

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Jim Carrey’s Daughter Tells Jennifer Lopez She’s Working For Tips

by Lady Robotnik

Jim Carey’s daughter Jane Carrey revealed on American Idol how she’s spent the past 24 years living in the lap of luxury, and riding golden ponies, all paid for by daddy’s money. Wait: we mean the exact opposite of that… “He’s definitely not the most extravagant celebrity,” the daughter of rubber-faced comic Jim Carrey told [...]

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And Now, Kim Kardashian Will Try To Convince You She Has A Soul

by Mof Gimmers

Hahaha! Aw, bless! Kim Kardashian is making a tall claim. A really, really tall one. So tall, it’s a certifiable freak-show. Basically, she’s trying to convince us all that she’s got a soul. And with it, she’s searched it. A lot. That’s right, the term, ‘soul-searching’ has been mentioned in the inevitable and orchestrated break-up [...]

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Ryan Reynolds And Reese Witherspoon To Distract From Helena Bonham Carter Plotting The End Of The World

by Robin Darke

The Mayans said that the World would end in 2012, December 21st in fact (so don’t be buying any Peacocks gifts vouchers), but those pesky Aztec ripoff neglected to mention that one the signs of the upcoming Apocalypse would be Helena Bonham-Carter not starring in a Tim Burton film. And here we are, like the [...]

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Whitney Houston Is Broke: Believes Children Are Future, Not Financial Investment

by Mof Gimmers

Whitney Houston has had a GIGANTIC amount of MONSTROUSLY LARGE hits. That one off the Bodyguard where she looks like she’s defecating in a forest for the key-change in the video. That one where she had a blonde perm. It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay. Of course, there’s that one where she said that she [...]

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Simon Cowell Is Not The Marrying Kind

by Lady Robotnik

Runaway bride Simon Cowell has broken off another relationship, this time to his makeup artist Mezhgan Husaiany. “It’s quite a complicated relationship. We have had a break from each other, and we are still incredibly close,” Cowell told The Sunday Mirror. “I’m vulnerable. It’s not on, it’s not off, it’s somewhere in the middle. I [...]

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Tulisa Doesn’t Fancy Fazer from N-Dubz Anymore, Just Like How Hitler Didn’t Fancy Not Invading Poland Anymore

by Sophie Hall

Tulisa off of ‘N Dubz’ has split up with that other bloke Fazer out of ‘N Dubz’ because they were just having a hard time. What’s that you say? Not the best of starts to the week? Well congratu-bloody-lations on that nugget of wisdom, Sherlock. You THINK? APPAZ (It’s definitely an ‘appaz’ moment. Please give [...]

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Drake Proves To Be World’s Lamest Rapper As He Cries About Snow

by Mof Gimmers

Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he’s the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him. And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather [...]

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