Celebrity Gossip
After retiring from acting for all of eight minutes after the birth of her son Damian, Liz Hurley (DVDs) is now back in the movies (The Cleaner), back in the headlines (Posh as her bridesmaid) and back in line for some more punishment.
Though on this occasion she has nothing to fear from the wicked pens of salivating movie critics, this time an entire country’s put her on the watch list.India it seems certainly has more sense than money.
"Annoyingly, I get sick every time I go - a horrific bacterial thing where you end up on a drip for five days.†whinged Hurley.
hecklerspray had the strangest experience of it's young life the other day.
Having just been to the Hay-On-Wye literary festival and witnessed an incredible interview with Robert McNamara - former American Defence Secretary, still of colossal intellect despite his eighty-nine years and main subject of masterful documentary The Fog Of War (DVD) - hecklerspray then headed home, stopping off in grim Welsh hellhole
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Even we’re impressed. Charlotte Church spends more time in the news than Brian Harvey does chatting to doctors.
If it’s not her clothes falling off at the beach (quick, there’s a nipple!), it’s her mum branding the paparazzi "absolute scumbags", or Charlotte herself dusting off her best Spanish gold and talking like a lady. “A big fat divaâ€, that’s how Wales’ walking make-up bag described Luciano Pavarotti (CDs), possibly the world’s finest ever tenor and owner of a forehead sweatier than Johnny Vegas' (DVDs) inner thigh. “He was horrible, really nasty.â€Charlotte Church (CDs) was chatting to Glasgow’s Clyde 1 radio when she got all wound up about the big Italian telling her what to do.
Curly-topped KnightRider (DVDs) star David Hasselhoff (DVDs) - a man so cheesy he would make an exploding Parmesan factory look a little tame - has revealed how utterly amazed he was with a female admirer who "tried to kill herself to get his attention".
The troubled young lady was apparently distraught at the fact that she had no direct route with which to talk to The Hoff, and therefore decided - obviously - that the best way to grab Dave's attention would be to throw herself out of a high-storey window.
The prosecution and defence in the Michael Jackson (CDs) trial will each have four hours to sum up their arguments in closing statements today.
The prosecution has been attempting to paint Michael Jackson as a textbook paedophile, luring kids with pornography and alcohol. They've called 85 witnesses to strengthen their argument, including comedian George Lopez. Their biggest piece of evidence was said to have been a video of the accusing boy recalling Michael Jackson drunk and masturbating.
The Sun is happily ringing the bell on Geri Halliwell’s atrocious solo pop career. They report that her next job could be "flipping burgers’" after her single Desire (CDs) reluctantly set up shop at only number 18 in the charts.
Geri has tried everything to stave off this inevitable blacklisting of her music. She’s lost weight, put it on, lost weight, put it on, lost weight, put it on. Combine all that work with a Five propaganda documentary that would have made the Nazis blush and nobody can say she’s not been a busy bee. You think we’re harsh? The Sun opened their story by contentedly informing Geri "it’s all over, dear", then went onto deride her new single’s chart position as "feeble". She must have ignored the wrong person at her launch party.Celebrities though - by whatever thin strip of contacts they still have left to hang onto the title - need to be a tough breed.
Scary-eyed old Christ-addict and all-round heterosexual Cliff Richard (CDs) has revealed the secret of his youthful looks. "It's true," he admitted, probably while flashing that vacant grin of his. "I've had botox."
"I want to carry on looking good," he said of his decision to undergo the procedure (which involves injecting the wrinkle-smoothing stuff directly into the patients's crumpled face). Well, Cliff, if you define "looking good" as having those bland features of yours scraped of what little character they have, then... yeah. You're bang on the money.
These days it’s all the go to compete on fluctuating levels of personal misery. We all have a friend who if you've broken a leg would somehow have broken theirs worse. If you’ve got a cold, they’ve got the flu, et cetera, et cetera.
Relating the story of an unfortunate German man who was mugged repeatedly in the space of one hour, surely even that whinging friend - gnawing at their sore throat like it’s a cancerous tumour – even they would have to admit that’s a pretty miserable evening out. Oberhausen resident Reiner Hamer, just twenty-seven years old and now feeling like God’s chosen spitbucket, had his first mugging of the night when he was jumped by three men in a nightclub’s toilets. The Ahab-hard gang stole Hamer’s mobile phone and wallet containing £120's worth of local notes.
