Celebrity Gossip
Joe Jackson Needs Some Pocket Money From His Dead Son
Parents, we all have them. And we all have memories of them. From the time you crapped yourself in a busy shopping centre to when your father started using swearwords in full conversation. Face it, we’ve all been there. Well that’s unless you’re a weird test-tube child and you were grown for scientific amusement. Sadly, not all relationships between parents and their offspring can go smoothly. There can be a variety of reasons of this. In the case of Michael Jackson he objected to his dad Joe Jackson whipping the stuffing out of him. But time heals all and love conquers emotions. Or, if your son has raked in as much posthumous money as Michael Jackson, then time means that daddy gets an easy payday.
Parents, we all have them. And we all have memories of them. From the time you crapped yourself in a busy shopping centre to when your father started using swearwords in full conversation. Face it, we’ve all been there. Well that’s unless you’re a weird test-tube child and you were grown for scientific amusement. Sadly, not all relationships between parents and their offspring can go smoothly. There can be a variety of reasons of this. In the case of Michael Jackson he objected to his dad Joe Jackson whipping the stuffing out of him. But time heals all and love conquers emotions. Or, if your son has raked in as much posthumous money as Michael Jackson, then time means that daddy gets an easy payday.
Taylor Lautner Gets His Knickers In A Twist Over Taylor Swift
That's presuming that Taylor Lautner wears knickers. He might not. He doesn't really wear shirts very often. Maybe knickers are an afterthought. After all, if you wore shirts as infrequently as Taylor Lautner, you probably wouldn't concern yourself too much with the threat of splashing a bit of wee directly up the inside of your trousers, would you? Would you? No. No you wouldn't. Anyway, Taylor Lautner threw a little tantrum at a press conference on Friday when people wouldn't shut up about Taylor Swift. We should have just said that at the beginning instead of banging on about knickers, really.
That's presuming that Taylor Lautner wears knickers. He might not. He doesn't really wear shirts very often. Maybe knickers are an afterthought. After all, if you wore shirts as infrequently as Taylor Lautner, you probably wouldn't concern yourself too much with the threat of splashing a bit of wee directly up the inside of your trousers, would you? Would you? No. No you wouldn't. Anyway, Taylor Lautner threw a little tantrum at a press conference on Friday when people wouldn't shut up about Taylor Swift. We should have just said that at the beginning instead of banging on about knickers, really.
Carrie Prejean Sex Tape: Literally No Takers Whatsoever
The world can be odd sometimes. For instance, what's hotter than watching a blonde bigot diddle herself on camera? Nothing, that's what. Why, even just thinking about it - there she is, all blonde and orange and stupid and silicony, whacking away at her genitals while she angrily mutters things like "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and STEVE!" and "Sink the pink, don't down the brown!" to herself - doesn't half give us the ruddy horn. But we might be the only ones. Because, you see, it turns out that nobody wants to buy the newly unearthed Carrie Prejean sex tape. Nobody at all.
The world can be odd sometimes. For instance, what's hotter than watching a blonde bigot diddle herself on camera? Nothing, that's what. Why, even just thinking about it - there she is, all blonde and orange and stupid and silicony, whacking away at her genitals while she angrily mutters things like "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and STEVE!" and "Sink the pink, don't down the brown!" to herself - doesn't half give us the ruddy horn. But we might be the only ones. Because, you see, it turns out that nobody wants to buy the newly unearthed Carrie Prejean sex tape. Nobody at all.
Josh Duhamel Denies Banging Stripper Behind Fergie’s Back
We know what you're thinking - why would Josh Duhamel even think about cheating on Fergie with a stripper? Well, let's count the ways. First, both Josh Duhamel and Fergie are apart a lot. Then there's the knowledge that he'd be having sex with someone statistically less likely to burst into My Humps during orgasm. And also, if you enjoy having sex with people with a fondness for crystal meth - like Fergie does - but you don't enjoy hearing them bang on about it all the time - like Fergie does - then where do you go? That's right, the strip club. Nevertheless, Josh Duhamel says that he definitely didn't have sex with a stripper, even though the stripper says he definitely did.
We know what you're thinking - why would Josh Duhamel even think about cheating on Fergie with a stripper? Well, let's count the ways. First, both Josh Duhamel and Fergie are apart a lot. Then there's the knowledge that he'd be having sex with someone statistically less likely to burst into My Humps during orgasm. And also, if you enjoy having sex with people with a fondness for crystal meth - like Fergie does - but you don't enjoy hearing them bang on about it all the time - like Fergie does - then where do you go? That's right, the strip club. Nevertheless, Josh Duhamel says that he definitely didn't have sex with a stripper, even though the stripper says he definitely did.
Rihanna: I Was Blinded By Love (And Presumably Eye-Punching)
The first half of Rihanna's tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was. The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn't very nice. Who knew? But that's not all - Rihanna says that she's embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him - the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship's cannon. We'd be embarrassed too! Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
The first half of Rihanna's tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was. The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn't very nice. Who knew? But that's not all - Rihanna says that she's embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him - the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship's cannon. We'd be embarrassed too! Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
There’s A Carrie Prejean Sex Tape, You Say? Goodness
Carrie Prejean is multi-talented, we'll give her that. Just look at all the jobs she's had this year alone. She's been a beauty queen. She's been a noted anti-gay activist. She's starred in commercials. She's written some of the most unintentionally hilarious emails we've ever read. And now she's a porn star, too. Sort of. You see, Carrie Prejean has dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California organisers, and it's all because they found a sex tape that she allegedly stars in. It hasn't hit the internet yet, but it's supposed to be brilliant - we heard that the Carrie Prejean sex tape makes the Kim Kardashian sex tape look like the Gene Simmons sex tape.
Carrie Prejean is multi-talented, we'll give her that. Just look at all the jobs she's had this year alone. She's been a beauty queen. She's been a noted anti-gay activist. She's starred in commercials. She's written some of the most unintentionally hilarious emails we've ever read. And now she's a porn star, too. Sort of. You see, Carrie Prejean has dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California organisers, and it's all because they found a sex tape that she allegedly stars in. It hasn't hit the internet yet, but it's supposed to be brilliant - we heard that the Carrie Prejean sex tape makes the Kim Kardashian sex tape look like the Gene Simmons sex tape.
Kristen Stewart Would Like Everyone To Eff Off Now, Please
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
Brad Pitt Grows A Manky Beard, Which Is Definitely News
This news is so important that you might need to spend the rest of the day pondering its gigantic consequences. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a beard. Shocking, we know. But brace yourself, because that's not quite it. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a slightly ratty beard. It's so ratty that he's actually braided it. Remember this day. In years to come younger generations will ask you where you where when you realised that Brad Pitt had deliberately grown a bit of a manky beard. And now you can look them in the eye and say "I was reading the internet in my pants, son. I was reading the internet in my pants."
This news is so important that you might need to spend the rest of the day pondering its gigantic consequences. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a beard. Shocking, we know. But brace yourself, because that's not quite it. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a slightly ratty beard. It's so ratty that he's actually braided it. Remember this day. In years to come younger generations will ask you where you where when you realised that Brad Pitt had deliberately grown a bit of a manky beard. And now you can look them in the eye and say "I was reading the internet in my pants, son. I was reading the internet in my pants."
