From the category archives:

Celebrity Gossip

Lana Del Rey Cancels Tour After Everyone Finds Out She Can’t Sing

by Mof Gimmers

Lana Del Rey has had her whole adult life and creative outlets bankrolled by her insanely wealthy father and, at various points nearly gave it all up because she had to actually work a little to get anywhere. However, thickos on the internet came to the rescue and made her an overnight sensation!

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Kim Kardashian To Finally Get Her Comeuppance Via The Magic Of TV

by Robin Darke

Well all know that Kim Kardashian is the very pinnacle of media whoredom, leapfrogging other visionaries as Paris Hilton, Tulisa Contostavlos and the rest of the Kardashian sisters, to the crown of Most Annoying Slag 2012. And we all know why, because she wants to show everything that happens through the medium of television, even though her television shows are so tucked and trimmed that if they were pies, they would be the most disgusting tasting pies ever. Though they would look great.

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Karl Lagerfeld Kinda Has A Point When He Says Adele Is A Bit Fat

by Lady Robotnik

Karl Lagerfeld has the feminists and fat chicks bunching their panties in disgust over his latest outburst.

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Madonna To Take Her Sinewy Limbs On A Monstrous World Tour

by Mof Gimmers

Okay. Credit where credit is due: Madonna’s halftime show at the Super Bowl was pretty brilliant. That’s even taking into account that LMFAO showed up and the always disappointing MIA flipped the bird in an attempt to show her terrible hipster fans that she hadn’t ‘sold out’.

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Tips On How To Survive The Denise Welch Menace

by Robin Darke

Denise Welch officially splits from Tim Healy, not that anyone cares anymore. Remember at the end of Jurassic Park where all of the dinosaurs were left to their own devices and untouched by human hands again? And when King Kong was shot fell to his death from the Empire State building? And when Ethel Skinner was put down by Dot Cotton, ending her reign of sexual terror? Well, these are examples of when it’s acceptable to lock up/euthanise sexual threats because they pose a threat to greater society.

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Russell Brand And Zooey Deschanel To Become Most Irritating Couple Ever, While Katy Perry Snags Tebow

by Mof Gimmers

Even though Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s marriage was something of a surprise, one good thing about it was that their idiocy was self-contained. They could spend time together being irritating toward each other, occasionally giving us plebians a rest. However, they went and spoiled it all.

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Geri Halliwell Confirms Another Terrible Spice Girls Reunion

by Michael Park

Spice Girls fans! Rejoice in your wasted lives because it seems like the Spice Girls are coming back! …Again. Former Spicer Geri Halliwell, famous for such solo hits as ‘Mi Perro Latino’, about a latin dog and the one where she was dead in the video, has claimed that the Spice Girls could be due [...]

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Dougie Poynter & Mark Wright To Become TV’s Worst Ever Double Act

by Michael Park

Everyone knows why Ant & Dec are successful. It’s because ITV keep giving them money to appear on television. Their success is also built on a natural rapport and an overwhelming level of similarity that often leads old people to ask which one is which. No-one really knows. There are very few double acts that [...]

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Mark ‘Terrible Bastard From TOWIE’ Wright To Ruin Cinema All By Himself

by Euan L Davidson

Do you hate everything yet? Do you wake up angry, in cold sweats thinking “this is all just terrible. We have one chance at a viable, enjoyable life and yet the culture we digest is diluted, spoon-fed nonsense with people who are inexplicably famous, we should be worth far more than this” and then carve “4REAL” into your arm?

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Staring At David Beckham’s Groin Is Fine, Obviously (Unless You’re His Daughter)

by Mof Gimmers

Women! When you’ve stopped complaining about the negative, overtly sexual images of women in media, which breed an unrealistic body-ideal in young girls, we’d like to point you in the direction of David Beckham in his underpants. See, ol’ GoldenNads has done a photoshoot for some undercrackers he’s flogging through dreary clothing bazaar, H&M. A [...]

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