Celebrity Gossip
Mike Tyson Allegedly Punches Someone, People Somehow Surprised
You never know what you're going to get when you meet Mike Tyson. Is he going to punch you? Is he going to rape you? Both? You just don't know. And that's what makes Mike Tyson such a lovably violent convicted rapist. So it must have come as something of a relief to a photographer at LAX yesterday when Mike Tyson only decided to punch him. Allegedly. Mike Tyson has been arrested for allegedly punching a paparazzo at LAX. Brilliantly, Mike Tyson also reportedly performed a citizen's arrest on the photographer while he was at it. Yep, say what you like the convicted drug-possessing rapist who brutally attacks people in the face for a living, but that man sure knows how to uphold the law.
You never know what you're going to get when you meet Mike Tyson. Is he going to punch you? Is he going to rape you? Both? You just don't know. And that's what makes Mike Tyson such a lovably violent convicted rapist. So it must have come as something of a relief to a photographer at LAX yesterday when Mike Tyson only decided to punch him. Allegedly. Mike Tyson has been arrested for allegedly punching a paparazzo at LAX. Brilliantly, Mike Tyson also reportedly performed a citizen's arrest on the photographer while he was at it. Yep, say what you like the convicted drug-possessing rapist who brutally attacks people in the face for a living, but that man sure knows how to uphold the law.
Taylor Lautner Has Brain Ache Sharing a First Name With His Girlfriend
Being a tween heartthrob doesn't require all that much brain power. It absolutely requires cheeks worthy of pinching and a personality so adorable it could make people's brains melt out of their ears. Nowhere in theTween Hunk 101 handbook does it teach you to keep any and all mental defects to yourself. Taylor Lautner is struggling. Bless his tiny movie-making cotton socks. We don't mean struggling, as in working out which trouser leg to put on first. Or even struggling to work out which blonde haired singing star is his girlfriend, out of the sea of thousands of beauties just like her. Actually - the latter is sort of what we mean. There's an identity crisis going on in teeny tiny tween land. We think we may be the only ones who can help. In a recent interview with Extra TV, Twilight Saga: New Moon actor Taylor Lautner (and all his jail bait goodness) admitted that he has a little trouble with his girlfriend, Taylor Swift.
Being a tween heartthrob doesn't require all that much brain power. It absolutely requires cheeks worthy of pinching and a personality so adorable it could make people's brains melt out of their ears. Nowhere in theTween Hunk 101 handbook does it teach you to keep any and all mental defects to yourself. Taylor Lautner is struggling. Bless his tiny movie-making cotton socks. We don't mean struggling, as in working out which trouser leg to put on first. Or even struggling to work out which blonde haired singing star is his girlfriend, out of the sea of thousands of beauties just like her. Actually - the latter is sort of what we mean. There's an identity crisis going on in teeny tiny tween land. We think we may be the only ones who can help. In a recent interview with Extra TV, Twilight Saga: New Moon actor Taylor Lautner (and all his jail bait goodness) admitted that he has a little trouble with his girlfriend, Taylor Swift.
Official: Robert Pattinson Smells Like A Binbag Full Of Dirty Nappies
Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks. He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house. Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
Robert Pattinson has got it all. He's got incredible fame. He's got wealth. He's got moviestar good looks. He's got a stinky arse. He's got armpit odour that could blind a nun from 30 paces. He's got breath that could dissolve concrete. He's got feet that could be isolated and used as a spitefully powerful weaponised pathogen. He has. No, really, he has. Robert Pattinson has admitted to a magazine that he essentially smells like a dirty protest in a curry house. Um, Robert Pattinson? We think you'll find that slagging you off is our job, not yours. Would you like it if we starred in a number of crappy films about sparkly bad-haired effeminate vampires? No. No you wouldn't. So stop it.
Michael Jackson’s Funeral: Really Titting Expensive, Actually
We all know more or less everything about Michael Jackson's death by now. We know what killed Michael Jackson. We know what he was doing before he died. Thanks to Derek Acorah last week, we even know that Michael Jackson spends most of his time in the afterlife itching to say hello to Quincy Jones. But, because it was a private ceremony, we don't really know exactly what happened at Michael Jackson's funeral. We wish we did, though, because it's been revealed that the funeral cost Michael Jackson's estate almost one million dollars. Still, he's dead, so it's not like the money could have been spent on anything else, like giving his children a better quality of life or anything, is it? Oh.
We all know more or less everything about Michael Jackson's death by now. We know what killed Michael Jackson. We know what he was doing before he died. Thanks to Derek Acorah last week, we even know that Michael Jackson spends most of his time in the afterlife itching to say hello to Quincy Jones. But, because it was a private ceremony, we don't really know exactly what happened at Michael Jackson's funeral. We wish we did, though, because it's been revealed that the funeral cost Michael Jackson's estate almost one million dollars. Still, he's dead, so it's not like the money could have been spent on anything else, like giving his children a better quality of life or anything, is it? Oh.
Carrie Prejean Ashamed About Sex Tape, For Some Reason
This Carrie Prejean sex tape has put the cat among the pigeons. By 'cat' we obviously mean 'oddly fluorescent bigot'. And by 'pigeons' we mean 'sex tapes'. That's not a very good analogy, is it? Anyway, it doesn't matter because Carrie Prejean has finally confirmed the existence of the sex tape that recently scuppered her plan to sue the Miss California organisers for a million dollars. What's more, Carrie Prejean says that making the sex tape was the worst mistake of her life. And considering her narrow-minded views on homosexuality, wonky tits, bright orange skin and unnecessarily large hair, that must be one massive mistake. Dirty.
This Carrie Prejean sex tape has put the cat among the pigeons. By 'cat' we obviously mean 'oddly fluorescent bigot'. And by 'pigeons' we mean 'sex tapes'. That's not a very good analogy, is it? Anyway, it doesn't matter because Carrie Prejean has finally confirmed the existence of the sex tape that recently scuppered her plan to sue the Miss California organisers for a million dollars. What's more, Carrie Prejean says that making the sex tape was the worst mistake of her life. And considering her narrow-minded views on homosexuality, wonky tits, bright orange skin and unnecessarily large hair, that must be one massive mistake. Dirty.
Jennifer Lopez Sex Tape: Kept Away From You Perverts
Let's play Good News/ Bad News. Bad news: there's a Jennifer Lopez sex tape. Good news: it doesn't star Ben Affleck. Bad news: it does star Jennifer Lopez. Good news: you won't be seeing it any time soon. And it might not be a sex tape. And it might not even star Jennifer Lopez. But Jennifer Lopez has decided to get it blocked anyway, just on the off-chance that it really does contain depictions of her vast posterior jiggling up and down on top of a bloke somewhere. Just to reiterate, though, it definitely doesn't star Ben Affleck. So you might lose your dinner by watching it, but at least you'd keep your eyesight.
Let's play Good News/ Bad News. Bad news: there's a Jennifer Lopez sex tape. Good news: it doesn't star Ben Affleck. Bad news: it does star Jennifer Lopez. Good news: you won't be seeing it any time soon. And it might not be a sex tape. And it might not even star Jennifer Lopez. But Jennifer Lopez has decided to get it blocked anyway, just on the off-chance that it really does contain depictions of her vast posterior jiggling up and down on top of a bloke somewhere. Just to reiterate, though, it definitely doesn't star Ben Affleck. So you might lose your dinner by watching it, but at least you'd keep your eyesight.
Joe Jackson Needs Some Pocket Money From His Dead Son
Parents, we all have them. And we all have memories of them. From the time you crapped yourself in a busy shopping centre to when your father started using swearwords in full conversation. Face it, we’ve all been there. Well that’s unless you’re a weird test-tube child and you were grown for scientific amusement. Sadly, not all relationships between parents and their offspring can go smoothly. There can be a variety of reasons of this. In the case of Michael Jackson he objected to his dad Joe Jackson whipping the stuffing out of him. But time heals all and love conquers emotions. Or, if your son has raked in as much posthumous money as Michael Jackson, then time means that daddy gets an easy payday.
Parents, we all have them. And we all have memories of them. From the time you crapped yourself in a busy shopping centre to when your father started using swearwords in full conversation. Face it, we’ve all been there. Well that’s unless you’re a weird test-tube child and you were grown for scientific amusement. Sadly, not all relationships between parents and their offspring can go smoothly. There can be a variety of reasons of this. In the case of Michael Jackson he objected to his dad Joe Jackson whipping the stuffing out of him. But time heals all and love conquers emotions. Or, if your son has raked in as much posthumous money as Michael Jackson, then time means that daddy gets an easy payday.
Taylor Lautner Gets His Knickers In A Twist Over Taylor Swift
That's presuming that Taylor Lautner wears knickers. He might not. He doesn't really wear shirts very often. Maybe knickers are an afterthought. After all, if you wore shirts as infrequently as Taylor Lautner, you probably wouldn't concern yourself too much with the threat of splashing a bit of wee directly up the inside of your trousers, would you? Would you? No. No you wouldn't. Anyway, Taylor Lautner threw a little tantrum at a press conference on Friday when people wouldn't shut up about Taylor Swift. We should have just said that at the beginning instead of banging on about knickers, really.
That's presuming that Taylor Lautner wears knickers. He might not. He doesn't really wear shirts very often. Maybe knickers are an afterthought. After all, if you wore shirts as infrequently as Taylor Lautner, you probably wouldn't concern yourself too much with the threat of splashing a bit of wee directly up the inside of your trousers, would you? Would you? No. No you wouldn't. Anyway, Taylor Lautner threw a little tantrum at a press conference on Friday when people wouldn't shut up about Taylor Swift. We should have just said that at the beginning instead of banging on about knickers, really.
