From the category archives:

Celebrity Gossip

Hoff Wants Russell Crowe For Knight Rider Film (See Also: Trying To Have Sex With The Night Sky)

by Mof Gimmers

Ever since we all saw David Hasselhoff drunkenly eating a hamburger off the floor while berating his daughter, we’ve all thrilled at how damaged the former Baywatcher is. Not to mention that whole being under the impression he brought down the iron curtain in Germany thing.

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Kate Middleton Astounds Everyone By Wearing Clothes And Walking Around In Them

by Mof Gimmers

Kate Middleton is now a blueblood. She’s married into the Royal Family, which gives her special dispensation from the law. She’s probably allowed to kill people and run over vicars with combine harvesters while setting fire to piles of tyres and griffins.

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Caroline Flack Is Up To Her Old Tricks Again

by Lady Robotnik

Professional playground-trawler Caroline Flack has once again been spotted tongue wrestling with a foetus; this time, 23-year-old singer Sam McCarthy.

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Gwen Stefani Would Like To Be A Man, Okay?

by Mof Gimmers

Y’know rich, successful, universally adored and fancied Gwen Stefani? She’s not happy with her life. See, despite the fact that, now she’s single, she could do as she damn well pleases with whoever she goddamn wants to, she’s not liking the fact she’s a woman.

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Eva Mendes Talks To Her Dog In French, Which Is Fine Because They’ll Answer To Anything

by Mof Gimmers

Do you have a dog? Word to the wise – no-one actually cares. It’s your stupid, gristle-munching crap-factory and no-one else wants to deal with it outside of occasional petting of it when we have to visit your fur covered home that smells like dog’s teeth.

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Robert Pattinson States The Insultingly Obvious For Everyone!

by Randy Figgins

He’s got creepy beady eyes and the skin tone of a bad waxwork model. And the expressive acting of a bad wax work model. And always seems to be standing awkwardly… like a bad wax work model.

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Jay Z And Beyonce Already On The Lash Like Awful, Terrible Parents

by Mof Gimmers

Its a matter of weeks since Beyonce and Jay Z popped out a sprog in a hospital which they cordoned off all for themselves (probably leaving patients to die in the street or something), and they’re already out getting drunk like irresponsible thugs.

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Jennifer Aniston Is As Bored By Tedious Love Triangle Speculation As We Are

by hecklerspray staff

Iggy Pop impersonator Jennifer Aniston has gone on record to pooh-pooh the constant merry-go-round of slack-jawed speculation about her six-year-dead marriage to professional handsomeness salesman Brad Pitt, and her supposed feud with terrifying hose beast Angelina Jolie.

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Piers Morgan Continues Reign As World’s Biggest Arse

by Kris Silver

Piers Morgan, the ever lovable former Daily Mirror editor and man for whom the word smarmy was invented, certainly has gotten his large, soiled knickers in a twist of late.

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Kylie Gets Stalked On Twitter (Surely Better Than Being Stalked In The Flesh?)

by Mof Gimmers

Poor famous people. They get plebs saying nasty things to them, which is of course, completely different to the lives of us normal troglodytes who spend an eternity being thoroughly pleasant to each other, without cross words ever uttered.

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