Celebrity Betting

There might already be a deluge of print and television analysis on who'll win this year's US general election.

But, we ask you, is there any election analysis from British websites that usually only spend their time writing puerile jokes about celebrity crap that nobody could ever possibly give a stuff about? No, no there isn't. But now that hecklerspray is doing US general election betting odds, there is. And we can all sleep soundly at night because us that. Unless we've got sleep apnea or any other made-up illnesses.

Yesterday we looked at the Democrats, so today it's only fair that we look at the general election betting odds for the Republicans, with help from Paddy Power…

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We're at an interesting point in this year's US general election.

OK, we're at a largely uninteresting point in this year's general election. Everyone's been campaigning for months and everyone's going to campaign for months and everyone's going to complain about whoever wins anyway. But at least the field has been whittled down to three potential presidents now - two Democrats and a Republican - which makes it a bit easier to digest. So let's have a look at which party's going to win the 2008 US general election, shall we?

Here are the general election betting odds for the Democrats, with help from Paddy Power…

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We're continuing our special four-day-week political betting odds extravaganza with part two of our Pennsylvania primary betting odds.

If you're wondering why we're looking at the betting odds of a political contest of a country we don't live in based in a state we'll probably never visit between two people who both basically have the same set of policies and are arguing with each other out of a petty need for power, then the answer is easy. It's because Dancing On Ice finished a couple of days ago. Important stuff, you'll agree.

Who'll win the Democratic Pennsylvania primary? Here are the Pennsylvania primary betting odds for Hillary Clinton, with help from Paddy Power…

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Now that Dancing On Ice is over, we've had to look elsewhere to bring you your daily batch of betting odds.

And the sad truth is that there's nothing quite as exciting or dramatic around. So, since minor celebrities performing shaky rudimentary ice skating moves are out, you're just going to have to make do with the race to become the next leader of the free world. This week we're focusing on the US general election, and we're starting with the outcome of next month's Pennsylvania Democratic primary. It's basically the same as Dancing On Ice, but there's less chance of seeing Holly Willoughby's boob fall out.

So who'll win the Pennsylvania Democratic primary? Here are the Pennsylvania primary betting odds for Barack Obama, with help from Paddy Power…

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All ready to wrap up our four-day-long look at the nominees for the next month's Best Song Grammy?

What do you mean you hadn't even noticed we were doing Grammys betting odds? You people make us sick. Anyway, before we start the real fun next week - so long as you can define Dancing On Ice as fun, which you really can't - let's wind things up with a look at the favourite to win the Grammy.

So here are the Best Song Grammys betting odds for Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood, with help from Paddy Power…

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Wish you could make some money on the results of the Grammys next month? You're in luck.

Wish you could make enough money to buy the Grammys and destroy them right in front of Steven Tyler's weeping face? Well, that'll be a little more difficult, but not impossible. Because this week we're letting you bet on the results of the Grammys Best Song category. Yes, all the nominees are universally awful, but this is to make you rich, not to stop you going deaf, OK?

So here are the Grammys betting odds for Umbrella by Rihanna and Rehab by Amy Winehouse, with help from Paddy Power…

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The Grammys are coming, and this week we're letting you bet on who you think will win one of them, because we are kind souls with pure hearts.

Anyway, although the Grammys are going to have the sort of Tina Turner/ Michael Jackson-centric performances that'll have you leaning out of your window to check that it's not the mid-1980s, you can't make money from them. But you can make money from figuring out who'll win the Best Song award at this year's Grammy. Ready?

Good. Then here are the Grammys betting odds for Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's, with help from Paddy Power…

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Big Brother Celebrity Hijack is over - not that anyone's actually noticed - so what shall we focus our betting odds eye on now? Dancing On Ice?

Sod off. We'll get round to giving you the Dancing On Ice betting odds next week once we've mentally prepared ourselves for the onslaught of sparkles and lifts and Gareth Gates. But before then, for four days only, we're going to be looking at the Grammys - namely the Best Song category. Who'll win? We think we might have an idea.

So without any further ado, here are the Grammys betting odds for Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae…

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You there! Fancy a 'flutter', do you?

Let's face it - even if you ascribe to Bill Hicks' philosophy that American politics is basically choosing which puppet can give the best impression of your beliefs (something Britain seems to have emulated too), then you might as well make a bit of cash out of this whole upcoming election shebang.

So we're all doomed to Armageddon no matter who gets into office? Who cares? You've got a tenner that's burning a hole in yer pocket, and you'll be damned if you're not going to do something election-based with it, right here, right now. 

Let's kick things off with the big boy, then: the betting odds for which party is going to win the 2008 US Presidential Election, as mapped out by those lovely people over at Paddy Power.

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Ready for some more chances to make money from unhappy celebrities? Step right up.

We're starting 2008 as we mean to go on, by crossing our fingers really hard and hoping that just about every celebrity couple in the land gets divorced and spends the rest of their lives wallowing about in abject near-suicidal misery just so we can make £12.50 from a lucky stab at a bet. And when we say 'we' we really mean 'you'. It's £12.50 that you didn't have before, at least.

So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Jordan and Peter Andre, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar and Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil. Help, as ever, comes from Paddy Power…

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The start of a new year is a time to wipe the slate clean, to reflect on one's past negativity and move on determined to right one's wrongs imbued with a fresh sense of goodwill and radiant positivity.

And that's why the very first hecklerspray post of 2008 is all about celebrity divorces. Not only that, but it's a betting odds post, meaning that we're effectively giving you the chance to make a crazy amount of money by exploiting the misery of others. Over the next couple of days we're giving you the chance to bet on which celebrity couple will be the first to file for divorce in 2008. Bah, radiant positivity is overrated, anyway.

So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Posh and Becks and Ashley and Cheryl Cole, with help from Paddy Power…

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The 2007 Christmas number one is just days away from being revealed, and if the anticipation was any higher then it'd probably blow up and kill the bloody lot of us.

Oh, who are we kidding? The Christmas number one is going to be flipping Leon Jackson from X Factor and his special song about believing in fairies or whatever, and that's pretty much guaranteed already. But who'll be the Christmas number one not including that travesty? Now you're interested, huh? Huh? Oh, please yourselves.

Here are the Christmas number one betting odds for Malcolm Middleton, Leona Lewis and Katie Melua & Eva Cassidy, with help from Paddy Power…

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