From the category archives:

Celebrity Astronime Domini

Charlotte Church: Look into My Eyes…

by Chris Laverty

Charlotte ‘leave me alone I’m just a normal millionaire teenager’ Church is to see a hypnotherapist in the hope she can be weaned off cigarettes. Sounds better than those bloody patches anyway. The Welsh singer-socialite’s big fat twenty a day habit isn’t going down too well with the boyfriend Gavin Henson. Apparently he likes his [...]

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‘Colin Farrell is Fat’ says Colin Farrell

by Chris Laverty

Good news for all the men out there that actually like to chew their food and swallow it, Colin Farrell sucks in his stomach too. Keeping with the great movie star tradition of Kirk Douglas, Burt Lancaster and company, rather than go to the gym and pump some iron, fun loving Irish drunk Farrell would [...]

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Nadine Eats Food. Universe Implodes

by Chris Laverty

Jaffa tanned Nadine Coyle from trendy young hit makers Girls Aloud has, according to recent scandalous accusations made by The Sun, eaten her dinner. Nadine was apparently forced to go on a diet because she couldn’t fit into the smallest dress on sale in Topshop. Unlike her svelte and not at all filthy slapper bandmates. [...]

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J-Lo Wants to be a Sophisticated Saxophone Woman

by Chris Laverty

The queen of class herself – one time half-decent actress, now two time marriage failure – and agonisingly bland pop star, Jennifer Lopez, wants to have a different name. No, she doesn’t want to be called ‘J-Stick’, ‘Jentib’ or even ‘Lady Lopez’. She just wants to be referred to as plain old Jennifer Anthony. Hardly [...]

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TV’s Amanda Lamb Speaks Out on Jude and Sienna

by Chris Laverty

Buxom father’s favourite Amanda Lamb has controversially offered her opinions on Sienna Miller’s decision to delay marriage plans to Jude Law. Buxom father’s favourite Amanda Lamb has controversially offered her opinions on Sienna Miller’s decision to delay marriage plans to Jude Law.

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Jordan Continues To Exist

by C J Davies

God bless you, Daily Star. Just when the world thought it could breathe a little easier … just when the situation in the Middle East looked like it might be making some peaceful progress … another devastating conflict has arisen. Dear Christ. Apparently, whilst being interviewed about her upcoming wedding to turd-with-pecs Peter Andre, Jordan [...]

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