Celebrity Astronime Domini
Celebrities Turning Their Backs On Twitter
Here's a super guest blog by super Amy Grindhouse... Twitter is to celebrities today what Kabbalah string bracelets were to them five years ago. Over-hyped, over-exposed and over here. Tweeting, which essentially involves posting short updates about your day, is huge online right now. Both celebrities and regular folks alike are hopping on the bandwagon of the communication tool that is an absolute Facebook killer. Despite being talked about as often as Paris Hilton's love life and experiencing ludicrous growth of some 1,382% year-over-year from February 2008 to February 2009, Twitter is actually being shunned by some entertainers.
Here's a super guest blog by super Amy Grindhouse... Twitter is to celebrities today what Kabbalah string bracelets were to them five years ago. Over-hyped, over-exposed and over here. Tweeting, which essentially involves posting short updates about your day, is huge online right now. Both celebrities and regular folks alike are hopping on the bandwagon of the communication tool that is an absolute Facebook killer. Despite being talked about as often as Paris Hilton's love life and experiencing ludicrous growth of some 1,382% year-over-year from February 2008 to February 2009, Twitter is actually being shunned by some entertainers.
Oprah Mag Puzzlingly Acknowledges Someone Other Than Oprah
Oprah Winfrey is big. We’re not talking physically big here. That’s a given. We’re talking about an ego so freakin’ enormous that it operates like a gargantuan black hole, physically and spiritually swallowing up everything in sight - man, woman, child, baby back ribs, U.S. First Ladies - you name it. Well, just when we thought that we understood the awesome light and matter-consuming force that is Oprah, she goes and does something completely uncharacteristic of someone whose personal fortune was not built on prattling on and on about Oprah. Turns out, Oprah has ushered in a brave new world where people other than Oprah are seen on the cover of Oprah’s magazine, O (for Oprah).
Oprah Winfrey is big. We’re not talking physically big here. That’s a given. We’re talking about an ego so freakin’ enormous that it operates like a gargantuan black hole, physically and spiritually swallowing up everything in sight - man, woman, child, baby back ribs, U.S. First Ladies - you name it. Well, just when we thought that we understood the awesome light and matter-consuming force that is Oprah, she goes and does something completely uncharacteristic of someone whose personal fortune was not built on prattling on and on about Oprah. Turns out, Oprah has ushered in a brave new world where people other than Oprah are seen on the cover of Oprah’s magazine, O (for Oprah).
Jenna Jameson Spawns Twin Baby Boys
For millions of years, men and women have had sexy time and produced offspring in the form of children. At some point in a woman’s life they will want to mate with their respective partner. Either they want to take a step back from everything or let their children carry on their legacy. Former porn star Jenna Jameson finally breathed a sigh of relief this week when her twin boys escaped the womb. Obviously we expect mother and father to be ecstatically overcome with joy, but when the youngsters grow up, talks about the birds and the bees could be quite interesting.
For millions of years, men and women have had sexy time and produced offspring in the form of children. At some point in a woman’s life they will want to mate with their respective partner. Either they want to take a step back from everything or let their children carry on their legacy. Former porn star Jenna Jameson finally breathed a sigh of relief this week when her twin boys escaped the womb. Obviously we expect mother and father to be ecstatically overcome with joy, but when the youngsters grow up, talks about the birds and the bees could be quite interesting.
Kim Kardashian Helps Lindsay Lohan For No Reason Whatsoever
There's more to Kim Kardashian than being filmed repeatedly having it off a chap on the internet, you know. Not a lot more, admittedly. But let's not split hairs here - our point is that Kim Kardashian is happy to rush to the defence of any celebrity who acts in a gormless way and gets lambasted in the media for it. Kim Kardashian's dad was OJ Simpson's lawyer, did we mention that? Anyway, now Kim Kardashian has decided to defend Lindsay Lohan for her erratic behaviour. Which is good, because in these harsh economic times, people need a job for life.
There's more to Kim Kardashian than being filmed repeatedly having it off a chap on the internet, you know. Not a lot more, admittedly. But let's not split hairs here - our point is that Kim Kardashian is happy to rush to the defence of any celebrity who acts in a gormless way and gets lambasted in the media for it. Kim Kardashian's dad was OJ Simpson's lawyer, did we mention that? Anyway, now Kim Kardashian has decided to defend Lindsay Lohan for her erratic behaviour. Which is good, because in these harsh economic times, people need a job for life.
Octomom Nadya Suleman Takes Some Kids Home Or Something
Remember Nadya Suleman, the would-be pornstar and chronic Angelina Jolie fetishist who's all over the news? It turns out she's had some babies. That's pretty shoddy timing if you ask us. How on Earth is Nadya Suleman going to juggle motherhood with her very obvious quest of being on all the television shows, magazines, newspapers and websites in the world simultaneously forever? It's a letdown. And, worse still, some of the children that Nadya Suleman had now live with her. You might not think that's news, by the way, but helicopters were filming it so technically it is. So there.
Remember Nadya Suleman, the would-be pornstar and chronic Angelina Jolie fetishist who's all over the news? It turns out she's had some babies. That's pretty shoddy timing if you ask us. How on Earth is Nadya Suleman going to juggle motherhood with her very obvious quest of being on all the television shows, magazines, newspapers and websites in the world simultaneously forever? It's a letdown. And, worse still, some of the children that Nadya Suleman had now live with her. You might not think that's news, by the way, but helicopters were filming it so technically it is. So there.
Rihanna Remakes The Bodyguard; World Has Giant Aneurysm
There's no point wondering what the stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do is, because she's already done it. And the second-stupidest. And the third-stupidest. And the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh-stupidest. But what's the eighth-stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do? Why, star in a remake of a film about a woman who a man is trying to kill, of course. Rihanna is reportedly going to star in a remake of The Bodyguard. Apparently she plans on hitting the high notes of I Will Always Love You by letting Chris Brown stomp on one of her hands. Who knew?
There's no point wondering what the stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do is, because she's already done it. And the second-stupidest. And the third-stupidest. And the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh-stupidest. But what's the eighth-stupidest thing left for Rihanna to do? Why, star in a remake of a film about a woman who a man is trying to kill, of course. Rihanna is reportedly going to star in a remake of The Bodyguard. Apparently she plans on hitting the high notes of I Will Always Love You by letting Chris Brown stomp on one of her hands. Who knew?
Lindsay Lohan No Longer On The Lam, Still A Bit Lesbiany
Sorry to tell you this, but the greatest episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter never made will now stay that way. Lindsay Lohan is no longer on the run. Sure, for Lindsay Lohan it means her arrest warrant has been quashed and she can get on with her life, but for us it means we'll have to stop stalking Lindsay Lohan in bushes with a blowdart and a net, waiting for her to give us a clear shot at her carotid artery. And we needed that reward money, too. Damn you, Lindsay Lohan. Damn you and your consistent law-abiding tendencies!
Sorry to tell you this, but the greatest episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter never made will now stay that way. Lindsay Lohan is no longer on the run. Sure, for Lindsay Lohan it means her arrest warrant has been quashed and she can get on with her life, but for us it means we'll have to stop stalking Lindsay Lohan in bushes with a blowdart and a net, waiting for her to give us a clear shot at her carotid artery. And we needed that reward money, too. Damn you, Lindsay Lohan. Damn you and your consistent law-abiding tendencies!
Charlie Sheen Has Twin Boys To One Day Fight Over
Say what you will about Charlie Sheen - that he's a lumpen, one-note actor who lucked into success, for instance. But you can't fault his timing. That's because Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have chosen now to give birth to twin boys named Max and Bob. Why is that significant? Because it synchronises nicely with his ex-wife Denise Richards' stint on Dancing With The Stars. So congratulations to Charlie Sheen, and good luck to Denise Richards, who'll be so attention-seeking this week that her routine will climax with a spontaneous combustion that splatters guts all down Len Goodman's suit.
Say what you will about Charlie Sheen - that he's a lumpen, one-note actor who lucked into success, for instance. But you can't fault his timing. That's because Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller have chosen now to give birth to twin boys named Max and Bob. Why is that significant? Because it synchronises nicely with his ex-wife Denise Richards' stint on Dancing With The Stars. So congratulations to Charlie Sheen, and good luck to Denise Richards, who'll be so attention-seeking this week that her routine will climax with a spontaneous combustion that splatters guts all down Len Goodman's suit.
