About Us & Press

Hello kids. Stu here. After three weeks spent doing little other than making Gary Bushell angry enough to puke his silly little beard off, I’m only flipping well back, aren’t I?

So, once again, well done to Ian Dransfield for being spectacularly capable at keeping the old girl afloat for the last few weeks. He’s good, isn’t he? Sickeningly so. How I hate him. But, yes, now I’m back. Make of that what you will. But enough about me, how are you?

Today hecklerspray woke up and said to itself: “Self, find a way to return blood-flow to your arm or you’ll lose it forever.” But we were feeling too lazy, so now only type at half speed.

You know the feeling - surely you do. We’re having one of those days where the only food we eat are the fish crackers we accidentally spilled under our pillow the night before. We’re only moving to avoid bed-sores, and the various shoes our step-dad keeps throwing at us for the sake of motivation. Seriously, when is he gonna realize that we’re 38, and we’ll get up when we want to?

As such, we tried to think of different ways we could post something without taking the 4 - 5 hours a typical solitary hecklerspray article usually consumes.

And then it hit us: It’s common knowledge by now that ol’ Stu Heritage is off for a month or something writing up funny bits for real a tv show. Up until five minutes ago we’d been under the impression it was Dr. Who.

Well it’s not and it never has been. It’s called Tonightly - and we have a clip for you by way of a fancy video.

So if you need a Heritage fix, have at it. We can’t say for sure that he wrote this exact piece, but we can say he was in the room when it was filmed. That counts for something, right?

Models are a confusing lot, aren’t they? They won’t get out of bed for less than £50,000, but ask them to dress up like the remains of a missing child in a secondhand clown’s wig and they’re anyone’s.

And, although they’re usually slow to admit it, everyone loves looking at bizarre couture fashion show outfits. Of course they do. You might spend your days plodding through spreadsheets in a grim florescent hellpit, but at least you’re not getting paid to stumble up and down a catwalk in an eyeless gimp mask that you can’t even bend your legs in.

OSOYOU, the clever cats that they are, have seized upon this fascination with moronically impractical designerwear and have come up with a gallery of the 16 worst examples they could find. Truly, these are some hopeless outfits. Although, having said that, we are eagerly waiting for the ‘David Bowie in Labryinth meets a giant woolly tampon’ look to trickle down to Topman.

Designer Disasters - OSOYOU

Hello kids, Stu here. Thanks to a disastrously-advised drunken conversation I had with a one-legged stranger in a pub by the docks at lunchtime, I’m afraid I’ll be leaving you for the best part of a month, starting from right now.

It’s my own fault really, but you know how it is - a pirate slips something into your drink while you’re busy discussing Rebecca Romijn’s pregnancy and the next thing you know you’ve been clubbed on the head, thrown into a row-boat and forced to enter the world of late-night Channel Four comedy at cutlass-point. May God help my very soul.

I’ll have somehow managed to unchain myself from this pirate radiator by the last week of August, at which normal service will resume, but until then I’ll leave hecklerspray in the disgustingly capable hands of Ian Dransfield. Be nice to him, it was his birthday this week.

Note to cherished hecklers of the world and other notables: Hecklerspray is now proud to reveal that it is now participating in the rather fantastic new 'Yahoo Buzz' beta programme.

Yahoo Buzz is a new aggregator of hot stories doing the rounds on a few hundred hand-picked news sites, Hecklerspray included, and we want your help to 'buzz up' our stories so they feature prominently on the Yahoo Buzz site. The most buzzworthy stories appear on the Yahoo homepage, which would make for a very happy team here at Hecklerspray Towers.

So please look out for the Yahoo Buzz buttons that we've placed on every page. Be sure to 'buzz up' the stories that you like, and also the ones you don't like. Just click the Buzz button on and submit it (Digg-style) to Yahoo Buzz to push Hecklerspray on to the Yahoo News front page.

You'll need a Yahoo email account for it to work and if you haven't got one yet then there's a very good reason for grabbing one quickly because Yahoo has released 'ymail'. This means you can probably get a decent email address rather than britneyspears77364@hotmail.com.

Think about it: working on the principle that a Buzzed-Up story will be read by a legion of non-typical Hecklerspray readers, many of whom will inevitably leave a flurry of bad-tembered, poorly-written, point-missing comments for you to destroy in time-honoured fashion, it'll be worth it.

Note to cherished hecklers of the world - Hecklerspray is now proud to reveal that it is now participating in the rather fantastic new 'Yahoo Buzz' beta programme.

Yahoo Buzz is a new aggregator of hot stories doing the rounds on a few hundred hand-picked news sites, Hecklerspray included, and we want your help to 'buzz up' our stories so they feature prominently on the Yahoo Buzz site. The most buzzworthy stories appear on the Yahoo homepage, which would make for a very happy team here at Hecklerspray Towers.

So please look out for the Yahoo Buzz buttons that we've placed on every page. Be sure to 'buzz up' the stories that you like, and also the ones you don't like. Just click the Buzz button on and submit it (Digg-style) to Yahoo Buzz to push Hecklerspray on to the Yahoo News front page.

You'll need a Yahoo email account for it to work and if you haven't got one yet then there's a very good reason for grabbing one quickly because Yahoo has released 'ymail' . This means you can probably get a decent email address rather than britneyspears77364@hotmail.com.

Think about it: working on the principle that a Buzzed-Up story will be read by a legion of non-typical Hecklerspray readers, many of whom will inevitably leave a flurry of bad-tempered, largely illegible comments that miss the point entirely, allowing you to cruelly tear them a new one, it'll be worth it.

Here's something odd that we never thought we'd be telling you - if you open today's Independent to the centre pages, there's a big list called 'The Real Media Hotlist'. Leona Lewis is on it. Ant & Dec are on it. Sir Alan Sugar is on it.

And we're on it too.

Christ alone knows how - or why - we got there, but we did. Anyway, this is where you come in - this list is over 200 names long, and this week it's being whittled down to 100 with an online vote. The 100 with the most votes become part of the 'Hospital Club 100' and we all get silver latex outfits and a superpower of our choice and all girls instantly find us 15% sexier. Or something. Actually the details are a little vague. But we still want in, damnit.

So - you guessed it - can you vote for us, please? We're in the 'Journalism' section. You don't have to join up to anything, and you get to vote for other people as well. We suggest you also pick Leona Lewis. Because this clearly isn't entertainingly weird enough for us as it is.

Vote now! Now! Vote! 

Hello kids, Stu here. These last couple of weeks have been a real struggle, what with the sex-change and the falling in love with a pig and whatever other nonsense Lindseth told you I did on holiday, but I'm back again now. Yes, I know, woo.

So, just quickly, thanks to Paul, Ian and Shawn for looking after the place in my absence. They all put in some sterling work - so sterling, in fact, that I'm about to have them all rounded up and killed before they get any smart ideas about usurping me. Sorrenti first.

I bought you all presents from my trip, honestly, but they were abducted at customs. Apparently child prostitutes are illegal here. Who knew? Anyway, nice to be back. As you were, everyone…

There are times when change is inevitable.

When the forces of the universe become one, the tides of the cosmos ripple in a different direction and the winds of change flow through the vestibules of our lives.

Then there are the times when the lazy twit at the top of the pile goes away and lets the plebs take charge. For some reason, Stu has done this, and now Paul’s had his go, I get a pop.

Whoever made this decision really hasn’t done the most basic of research.

Anyway, while the boss is out gallivanting around attempting to ‘blog’ at passers-by through the means of shouting at them, things are going to be different around here.

We at hecklerspray are going to pay celebrities the respect they deserve, we’re going to honour their artistic contributions to the world of entertainment and we’re going to report in a fair, unbiased and straight-down-the-middle fashion.

Actually: are we fuck. Hello, I’m Ian Dransfield.

Hello. I am Paul Sorrenti. How do you do?

This is weird. I’m not sure I’m very comfortable with writing in a first-person narrative anymore. You see, writing for hecklerspray this past six or seven months has made me lose all sense of individuality. The concept of ‘I’ is totally alien to me now.

I can barely remember the man I used to be. Once I had passed the strict audition process I was led into a dark room by one of Lord Heritage’s henchman who sat me down and cuffed me to a chair. Then, after pinning my eyelids back, he turned a projector on.

Read the rest of this entry »

We love Curb Your Enthusiasm. of course we do. It’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, for god’s sake. People who don’t love it are weird.

And with the back-to-its-best sixth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm hitting these shores on June 9, we thought it might be time to give you the chance to win a Curb Your Enthusiasm prize so incredible that it’s all we can do not to fake a new identity and give the prize to ourselves. Courtesy of HBO video, you can win a kickass Curb Your Enthusiasm goody bag containing:

• 

  A Curb Your Enthusiasm season six boxset,

• A CYE book,

• Two CYE mugs,

• A CYE T-shirt

And if you don’t win that, there’s a runner-up prize of a season six boxset as well. And all you have to do to win these prizes is to answer the following question:

Larry David’s filming a movie right now. Who’s the director?

Email your answers - with the subject line ‘Woody Allen competition’ - to hello@hecklerspray.com as soon as you can along with your name and address, and we’ll pick winners at random by the end of the week. UK readers only, please. Good luck.

We haven’t been paid to say this, but we love Adult Swim so much that we want to wrap ourselves up in it and go to sleep.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Morel Orel, Robot Chicken, Space Ghost Coast To Coast - we could happily watch episodes of all of those on an oppressively large TV screen for the rest of our lives. And now we’ve got the chance to give you a bunch of Adult Swim stuff, so pay attention. We’ve got five Adult Swim goody bags to give away, each containing:

*An Aqua Teen Hunger Force T-shirt

*A squishy Aqua Teen Hunger Force stress ball thing

*A grey Adult Swim mobile phone cover that looks like a hoody

*Some stickers

Interested? Of course you are. And to win your Adult Swim goody bag, just watch the video above and answer this question:

What’s the name of the monkey?

Email your answers - with the subject line ‘Mr Peterson’ - to hello@hecklerspray.com as soon as you can along with your name and address, and we’ll pick two winners at random at some point next week. UK readers only, please. Good luck.