If you believe the sort of people who tell you this kind of thing, last weekend was the most hit-packed, uber-competitive US weekend box office of the year, with four potential number one movies released.
Which of these enormous megahits in waiting – Nacho Libre, The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The Lake House or Garfield 2 – took up the gauntlet and smashed a gigantic hole in the side of the US weekend box office? None of them – they all did shit. Instead, Cars – a cartoon about some cars with huge terrifying faces – retained its spot as the top US weekend box office film.
So much for the new releases, then. Cars has beaten off the challenges of four would-be weekend box office number ones, including one – Garfield 2 – that didn't even make it into the top five. So that's proof, if proof is needed, that a bunch of cartoon cars retelling the story of Doc Hollywood in super slow motion outpunches films about mediocre ginger cats, Japanese people driving cars, people writing letters to each other and fat Mexican wrestlers. Here's the US weekend box office top five:
1 – Cars (We just realised that Owen Wilson is in Cars. We hadn't noticed until now because his character doesn't have a huge out-of-shape nose that looks a bit like a penis) $31,181,000
2 – Nacho Libre (Like Napoleon Dynamite, but with a fat man with wiggly eyebrows instead of the least famous one from The Benchwarmers) $27,513,000
3 – The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift (A film about racing cars, set on the streets of Tokyo, one of the most congested cities in the world. Doesn't sound like a rubbish idea at all) $24,056,000
4 – The Lake House (Keanu Reeves falls in love with Sandra Bullock despite being constantly two years behind her. Then, two years after Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous is released, he changes his mind) $13,665,000
5 – The Break-Up (Judging from our experiences, The Break-Up isn't an accurate description of a real break up. Mainly because the final scene isn't of Vince Vaughn being given a restraining order after sitting on Jennifer Aniston's lawn red-eyed, dressed in her clothes and crying for a week and a half because she smashed his heart into a million pieces) $9,502,000
Read more:
Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo
[story by Stuart Heritage]