Now, far be it for us to suggest that all vegetarians are gaunt, lifeless, protein-deprived morons who don't realise that chewing on bleeding lumps of dead animal is both cool and sexy, but there's a definitely a lack of sexy vegetarians around.
Why do we say that? Because animal rights group PETA has named its annual 'World's Sexiest Vegetarians' list – a little like trying to find the world's tubbiest anorexic or the world's most interesting envelope – and the results are so depressing that we're planning to visit the winners' houses and frisbee lamb chops into their mouths just to get them disqualified. Why? Because PETA has decided that this year's World's Sexiest Vegetarians are Carrie Underwood from American Idol – who was also the World's Sexiest Vegetarian two years ago – and a bloke so startlingly anonymous that we're not even sure his mother knows who he is.
A quick quiz. What's sexier – the sight of a human nibbling on some tofu and kicking up a fuss on an aeroplane because they have to eat special food, or the sight of a human being chasing down an antelope on their bare feet, dragging it to the ground and eating it alive until everything is covered in blood? Of course the answer is the second one – we've forged many meaningful relationships over the twitching, blood-soaked cadaver of an antelope – but you try telling that to PETA.
Every year, when it isn't claiming that Michael Jackson washes his giraffes in blood or making Heather Mills chase Jennifer Lopez around dressed as a big TV, PETA likes to list the world's sexiest vegetarians. Presumably this is so normal people can know which attractive celebrities they can beat in a fight, but we've never asked so we don't know. Anyway, last year Prince was named as the sexiest vegetarian alive – understandable, because Prince is so sexy he wrote a song about a woman sticking a magazine up her mimsy – but this year?
This year PETA has named the world's sexiest vegetarians as the People's Choice favourite American Idol gonk Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks. These are clearly hopeless choices because Carrie Underwood was named sexiest vegetarian in 2005, suggesting a dearth of sexy vegetarians, and Kevin Eubanks is the band leader for Jay Leno. And science has proved that nothing connected with Jay Leno is even remotely sexy. The Daily Dish reports:
The "American Idol" winner beat Natalie Portman and Shania Twain to reclaim the title she won in 2005. Underwood has been a vegetarian since she was 13, and admits, "I don't like to watch commercials where they have meat. It weirds me out." Meanwhile, "The Tonight Show" bandleader Kevin Eubanks was named the Sexiest Male Vegetarian, beating actor/rocker Jared Leto and Joaquin Phoenix.
Two things immediately come to mind here: a) Natalie Portman isn't as sexy as Carrie Underwood? That'll only be true the day a 12-year-old Carrie Underwood dresses up as Marilyn Monroe and does a sexy dance for a middle-aged man in a film and b) maybe if Jared Leto ate more meat he wouldn't keep smashing up his nose like an idiot.
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Mel says
Carrie is kinda sexy, but she deserves to eat a sausage. Ahem
Mithaearon says
Who is she?
Logik says
Wow, this is cool, someone who obviously has no idea how nutrition works and merely regurgitates what he hears on the tv.
Most vegetarians, and vegans for that matter, understand the protien thing better than you obviously do. In fact, meat and dairy is a poor source of protien because the protien molecules have been broken down and reconfigured for an animals body, not a humans. So when you eat animals most of the nutrients are unusable and are either converted to fat or simply go through your system. Plant based protien, soybeans, hemp, nuts, seitan, lentils, etcetera, all are far superior sources of protien to animal protien because our bodies can make better use of it. And you will be hard pressed to find a vegan that is anorexic because they would die very quickly.
The diet itself makes it very difficult to be overweight because their bodies burn and use their intake at a ratio closer to equillibrium than what yours does, so they are simply going to be at proportional weight as a general rule. In fact, most vegans eat twice what you do simply because they can and they like to eat.
The beauty thing is partially a matter to taste, most of those celebrities look the way they do because they layer on makeup and you look at photoshoped images on magazine covers, but their skin is horrible underneath. Compair a fifty year old vegan who doesn’t look a day over 25, to a thirty-year-old anybody else who’s skin is loosing it’s glorious youth (in favor of layering bat excrement on). Some people are lucky and can get away with high saturated fat diets and lots of artificial chemicals, but those people are statistically non-existent while the vegetarian and vegan community, statistically speaking, laughs at how horrible
And finally, something you obviously can learn from, being a vegetarian or vegan means you have to be your own nutritionalist. You have to know what your body needs, huw much, you have to call up companies and check on their vitamin B12 sources, you have to read ingredients and know what they are, you would simply be amazed at what you eat and drink. Did you know most juice drinkers probably drink bug juice? Yeah, they do, because there are a series of south-american insects that are raised and ground up for dyes in various drinks and juices. Look it up for yourself, because you probably don’t believe me. True vegetarians and vegans have to be conscious of every thing they ingest and where it came from, whereas you probably know little or nothing about the artificial hormones and steriods that you ingest on a regular basis from beef and other meat products. And if you in fact did, you would obviously be eating organic meat which would require you know something about nutrition and you would actually understand and perhaps respect a vegetarian diet even though you might not care to undertake one yourself.
Or you simply could continue on like most americans and ignore the problems with food and nutrition untill you turn 60 or 70 and your doctor puts you on a vegetarian diet anyways–which is also becoming more and more comon.